A hot mess of glitter...(and a free set of encouragement printables)

I am captain of the struggle bus this morning friends.  It's a "don't talk to me too long because I am trying to get out of here without crying" kind of day. 

I feel like a gelatinous, leaking bucket of glitter. 

If you touch me, I'll get on you. If I wander into your path, I'll leave a trail. I'm too messy.  Too unkempt.  Too not put together.

That's about how neat and tidy I feel this morning. 

I'm having a hard time getting my footing and finding my place.

Recently I have begun to share two kinds of huge, big, need all the prayers, kinds of news with friends and those I know will be praying.  And since sharing those, I have felt relentlessly under attack by the enemy.  Like, start to stand up and have the rug pulled out from under you again kind of attack.

My two big items?

1: I'll be going to Haiti for ten days in January.  If you'd like the details (how and why and what) on that, just send me an email (crystal@littlebitfunky.com) and I'll share that info with you.

2: Doug and I hope to buy a home in the Spring.

I find it ironic and hilarious on the Lord's part that He would call us to both at practically the same time.  Why? Money. Of course. Isn't it always money? Lord have mercy.

Gross and annoying money.  For Haiti I will need to pay for my trip and come up with the pay that I'll be missing from two weeks of work.  For a house we need to come up with a down payment.  One takes away from the other.  Jesus is funny ya'll.

Those two things happening simultaneously is not what is bogging me down and wearing me out.  But two other things are.  You want to know what they are?

One is that the enemy is doing his best to cause trouble. OF COURSE things start breaking down and costing a lot of money when you've been working towards a large goal, right? Right now these dreams seem impossible.  Out of grasp in every way.  He is also going out of his way to make sure I feel good and judged for every penny I spend.  Every choice is criticized and nit-picked.  He's telling me I don't work hard enough or put my efforts in the right places.  He wants me to reel in where I am putting my time because if I just work a little harder on the right things...you know how it goes. The enemy loves to have his way with our thought life.  The battle here is long and hard.

The enemy is working overtime to convince me of a lot of things these days and those kinds of spiritual fights can wear a girl down.  I'm honestly hoping that by dragging them, kicking and screaming into the light, will weaken his weapons. I know truth.  Period but it's like knowing that today is your birthday and everyone telling you it's not...you know?

The other is sheer loneliness topped with a pile of guilt. A beautiful entree, yes?  I have no family to lean on, no parents to go to for help or relatives who love to chip in.  I am on my own, reminded again that the sins of the parents seem to punish far beyond the years of childhood. It's a reminder that I brought nothing to the table when my husband chose me.  I brought a mess of knotted family history that would just cause work and not a single blessing. It brings up ugly feelings of resentment and missing out and just wanting a network of people I won't wear out with my actual SELF.

And I know this all sounds yucky and messy and vulnerable and NO ONE like to talk about money and loneliness but here I am.  I'm stumbling under the weight of impossible.  The queen of vulnerability and I have no cares to give about being more presentable. That weight is almost heavier that the real weights we carry, no? I would rather be my real self and be alone than to force it to be pretty and have a million friends.

I have no leftover energy to package myself up to be lovely and happy and walking an easy walk. Right now, you get messy or nothing.

And why am I sharing this? Same reason as always.  I know there are some of you out there dealing with very similar feelings for the same or different reasons.  I know some of you are struggling with leaking glitter and feel too much for everyone.  You are worried about scaring off all sorts of relationships and wondering who you can trust with your real, actual self.

So let me tell you what I know.

The enemy loves to knock us down and when he does that, he wants us to stay down.

DO NOT STAY DOWN.  Have your ten minutes of struggle and get BACK UP.  You can be messy and feel as sticky and dirty as a toddler with a cupcake but STILL be ready and available to participate in the story God is writing for you and long as you keep getting back up.

Document the struggle so when you look back you can see His faithfulness and remind yourself of it's sweetness.   Write down the impossible dreams so you can check them off one day. 

Share your real messy self with the people you love the most because what is the point of fake? What good does pretend do? Your pretend self only creates PRETEND relationships and sets you up to suffer alone.  That, my friends, is why the enemy hates vulnerability. Because when you share your true, actual, messy, struggling self and find that others still love you, the enemy cannot spin his lies.

We live in a messy world.  It's ridiculous to think we won't get dirty. 

Encourage one another daily.  I even made you some printables to get started.

You can download a set of free encouragement printables HERE. Print them out and shower them on the people around you.  Encourage and pull one another UP.  The enemy will hate that.


P.S. My preferred method of printing these is to drag it to a word file, resize it to a size that works for me and tile it on the page and print that way onto cardstock.

You can also download the shutterfly app and order them as 4 by 4in prints for FREE if you pay shipping. This printable would be great for lots of things, not just teachers! Lunch boxes, notes to a friend and more!

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