what i wish i could tell you. vol. 2. num. 4

Welcome to "What I wish I could tell you"...an anonymous platform for bloggers to share what they don't feel free to share on their own blogs.  If you have a story/thought/ache/hurt/feeling/secret/prayer request you want to get out, feel free to email me at crystal @ littlebitfunky.com.  

You will remain anonymous to all but me unless you choose otherwise. 

The author of this entry has chosen to stay anonymous.  Say hello to anonymous number 4.

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You are slowly killing me. It's bizarre to me that my heart is still beating after being completely broken. You know how hard it was for me when my Mom passed away 5 months ago. It's something I'll never ever get over. And you thought you'd take it upon yourself then to tell me that you no longer wish to be married to me. Perfect timing. As if my world wasn't already shattered into a million pieces. The worst part is that I can't seem to get any answers from you. I don't know what I did wrong or what I can do to fix it. Just like that you're ready to give up, walk away & not look back. I thought we were happy. You seemed happy. You stay out all hours of the night while I'm left to sit with our children & answer their heartbreaking questions. I'm dying inside. Even when you're home you ignore me. No communication, no touching, you don't even look at me. I feel worthless. Like I'm a piece of dirt on the bottom of your shoe. It's a form of abuse- neglect. And it hurts like hell. I'm sorry that things ended up this way. I never imagined I'd end up pregnant through all of this. I know you do not want another child but I can't help but think that this child is a blessing regardless of the circumstances. A gift from God. The thought of having a baby without my Mom here makes me want to die. It doesn't seem doable. And I don't know that you'll be here either. I know I have other people who support me but two of the most important people in my life are not here. And it's your choice. I know if my Mom had the choice, she'd be here in a heartbeat. There are days I'd rather die than get out of bed. I'm broken. The only thing that keeps me going are the kids. I don't know how much longer I can take this. You've beaten me down. I don't have anything left of myself.
                      ANONYMOUS

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