the weight of it.

as with anything, i guess, there comes a time when you have to sit down and do a real gain and loss analysis of what you are doing.  to really sit and contemplate whether the things that you gain through a venture are worth the things that you lose. 

recently i have had to do that with this blog.  i had no idea when i started this blog...three and a half years ago how far it would take me or how much it would grow me as a person. 

my original goal was to document the lives of my children.  to capture the day to day events that may not make it into the photo albums otherwise.  the little things...the crazy things...the fun and hard things.  

what it has turned into is SO much more than that.  
this is my journal.  my growth chart.  the documentation of my life as a mom, small business owner, wife, follower of Jesus, chef, organizer and every other aspect that makes up my crazy life.  

my policy is and always has been authenticity and transparency.  and i've learned that those qualities, if they aren't something that a person is used to can be tough to adjust to.  to me, there is no room in life for fluff or fake.  when i startd this blog, i wanted my kids to read about the real me...not the watered down, betty crocker, susy homemaker that i wish i could be.  some people, and they are totally entitled to their opinions and ways of doing things, prefer to have pretty blogs where they skim the surface and talk about surface things...topics that could be posted on ANY blog anywhere because there is no depth to what they are saying.  and some people need that, i suppose, and i get it. 

for me.  and this is just me.  there is much more power in empowering each other through the "me too".  sharing the good, the bad and the ugly gives others a chance to relate and unite under the flag of "thank goodness this is happening to someone else too". 

isn't it MUCH easier to approach someone you know has been or is broken too...than it is to approach someone who has an "i have it all together, look how pretty my life is" appearance? 

maybe it's just me...but the blogs i love the most are the ones with DEPTH, who share REAL life, who aren't afraid to talk about the tough, long road they are on with God...or who aren't afraid to talk about God for any real way.  

what good does it do to say you are a Christian blogger and never ever talk about how you are learning to walk with Christ?   it's like calling yourself a chef and then teaching others to cook ramen noodles.  i think Jesus had something to say about being lukewarm. 

my favorite Christan bloggers are those who say "me too".  who let you in and share the struggle that it is to be a lover of Jesus.  because that is how it IS.  if following Jesus is easy...than either i am doing something wrong or a lot of people i come across just want it to look that way.

i say, communication is everything.

with all of that being said.  there is a cost that comes with it.  
i've learned the hard way that people feel free to let you know terrible you are.  people have said things to me that i know they would never say to my face.  they lay out a list of issues they have with me and back them up with fictional things about me.  and you know what...even false words hurt.  

but over time i have take these criticisms to the people i trust and say "show me the truth in them"...and i have learned, in general, things said in secret rarely have truth in them.  and more often than not...the "issue" they have with you is really an issue they have with themselves.  

and that is the cost of having an open blog.  and for some reason...the ugly weighs more

BUT the gain is beautiful.  the gain is most likely you.  you darling and wonderful people who choose to love me and learn with me and grow with me.  i have met and befriended people that i never would have met any other way.  God has used this blog in ways i never imagined...i've been able to help others in ways i've never thought possible...i've been given friendships and new skills and encouragement when i need it.  i've been able to contribute to my family finances.  it's been a crazy web of blessings that i never could have woven without this blog.  i can't count the times that just at the perfect email shows up...or a package at my door...or a comment..all because of people who know me through this blog.  and on top of all of that...i HAVE documented the lives of my children and that to me is priceless.     

and even though the ugly weighs more...the beautiful is so much more plentiful that most times i don't even notice the ugly.  imagine a pebble in a bag of notice it at first but eventually, with a little shake, the rice covers over it.   

and i can handle a little shake here and there. 

(come back later for a link up post where you can leave a link to your blog and we can visit each other. :) )


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