what i wish. num 4.

Welcome to "What I wish I could tell you"...an anonymous platform for bloggers to share what they don't feel free to share on their own blogs.  If you have a story/thought/ache/hurt/feeling/secret/prayer request you want to get out, feel free to email me at ricracandpompoms @ gmail.com.  You will remain anonymous to all but me unless you choose otherwise. 
The author of this entry has chosen to stay anonymous.  Say hello to anon #4: 

To my mother,

I was born into a long line of women who have not known how to communicate. Because
none of us were taught how to communicate. When things got messy, you did the
most logical thing—you swept it under the rug. That did not mean that messy things
disappeared. They were just waiting to come out and make a bigger mess.

But when my husband and I decided to adopt a baby from a foreign land—a land where
no, the people do not look like us—that was when you decided to communicate. First,
by your silence. Then by voicing every single inappropriate and self-righteous argument
that could possibly have been made. Not once did you think of this baby. Not once
did you think of your relationship with the grandchildren you already had, and how that
might be threatened by your words and actions. And to me, perhaps most significantly,
you did not consider what this meant to our relationship as mother and daughter. Oh,
yeah—and you call yourself a Christian.

When we came home, and we walked down the steps in the airport with our new baby in
our arms, you weren’ t there. A few others were—people who had become our family by
choice, not the family we were born into. Once again, you wanted to sweep everything
under the rug and pretend that the entire previous year—the hurtful words that cannot be
taken back, the arguments that you made, the prejudices I believe you still have—did not

But because I do have a relationship with Christ, and believe in a loving and forgiving
God and because I honor Him above all else, I forgive you. I forgive you for MY
healing and my own well-being, not for yours. I hope that someday you realize that
only because I honor my God, I have chosen to continue a relationship with you. It is
hard, it is not what I would have chosen if I would not have gone through months of
struggling and leaning on my one True Parent—my heavenly Father. I realize now
that I can relate to my child, who was abandoned as a tiny baby in a faraway country
because of circumstances we can’ t even imagine. I can relate to my child because I too
was abandoned by my parents. I hope and pray that I can help my child find the same
healing that I continue to find in Christ. However, I also offer my child the promise of
unconditional love and the safe and secure knowledge that my child will NEVER be
abandoned by me.

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