highly unqualified. a post on motherhood.

I.  Am.  Overwhelmed.  By a lot of things, but mostly parenting at the moment.  I seem stuck in a funk of "who chose me for this?" because if I am being honest, I feel highly unqualified at this time.   

And thought I should share.  Just in case you, also, were feeling overwhelmed and unqualified.  This parenting thing is HARD.  Like so hard, that even if someone explained it to you thoroughly in the best way they know how, you still wouldn't get the degree of difficulty parenting is.  So you'd have a baby anyway.  And then by the time you are realizing the situation you have found yourself in, you are in too deep to quit. 

There's no turning back or giving up.  People are counting on you.

There is however, a regular check of your abilities.  A run down of your lack of qualifications.  An exposing of your ability to think on your toes and answer any number of questions any time of the day or night.

There is a steady growth of your patience.  A never ending changing of the course and endless supply of aggravating circumstances that you cannot control.  There is a perpetual cycle of fear and FA-REAKING out!

Daily you will be reminded that you have no idea what you are doing and that tomorrow isn't looking much better.

And all of that is just internally.  

For me, I daily wonder if somehow I was put on the "qualified to parent" list by mistake.  If by some cosmic mis-hap I was given two children on accident.

It's usually somewhere in this tunnel of concern that I get a tap on the shoulder.  A reminder that I was chosen and picked specifically for what I have to offer the two little gentlemen placed in my life.

I am reminded that God does not qualify us FIRST and then place us where He wants us.  First He wants our trust.  Wants our turning to Him regularly for guidance and help.  Wants us in the habit of seeking Him first and then all else second.

Parenting is an act of ultimate humility.  Of daily coming before God and saying "HELP ME NOT SCREW THEM UP" and not only that but also "HELP ME SHOW THEM YOU!!!!".

Daily I am reminded to take each moment lightly.  To not look too far ahead.  To not freak out about how we will pay for college.  To not over analyze each behavior and definitely not to compare.

To see these little men as my brothers in Christ first, His children second and my children third.  Those three filters go a long way to changing my attitude, to shaping my approach and to molding my prayers for them and myself.

You see, no parent IS qualified.  We are each helpless and hopeless to go it alone.  But there is help available.  He is ready and willing to teach us and tell us.  To remind us that our relationship with our children should mirror His relationship with us.  That if He can show US endless patience, surely we can wait for seven year old to tie his shoes.  That if He can forgive us for screwing up for the millionth time, that surely we can calmly work through another repeated bad behavior.

The more I seek the parallel between God and me and my children and I, the more patience becomes available, the more grace I can offer, the more time and love I can give.

From one sinner to another, I owe my children that.  I try to keep in mind that I WAS chosen, He does believe I can do it and we WILL be successful.

And the same is true for you!!   I just thought you should know!


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