building confidence {how to build ourselves UP!}

Good Monday morning to you!

I wasn't planning a post this morning but I felt strongly that some of you could stand to hear what I needed to hear myself.

I started this year with a mission.  A simple and complicated mission: to feel lovable and confident. 

Simple right?

I'll be 35 this year.  I think I've decided that 35 years on the planet is long enough feeling un-lovely and unsure of who I am.  On good days, I can be OK with who I am.  On bad days, I feel like I come up short on just about every level.  Can anyone relate to that?

I felt strongly this year that the Lord told me that this would be my year.  A good year.  A year where things turn a corner and I enter 35 a woman on a mission, who KNOWS she is lovable and uses her abilities to the best of her energy and parameters and who is pretty awesome to know {and love!}. 

So first, let's show the ugly, ok? Here is how I generally view myself, and I'm going to put it all out there, shine light on all the darkness because I am CERTAIN that that is how God gets in there. 

I started the year feeling that I am: unlovable.  Unable to do things as well as others.  Failing at motherhood a lot of days.  Not so great a wife.  Not as talented as, oh anyone else on the internet.  Not as popular as some other bloggers.  Not as likable as some other bloggers.  Mostly worthless outside of cooking dinner and cleaning a house {which I didn't feel that great at either}.   

I say "started the year feeling" because as I am typing those things out, they are starting to feel false to me.  Starting to.  Not quite there yet but I am sensing change.

Want to know how I started that change?  Because I have a feeling I am not alone.

Some simple things I have done:
Confessed.  I pray about it.  I confess to God that I don't want to feel those things any longer.  I want to live in the knowledge that "I am the apple of His eye" {Psalm 17:8}.

Avoid.  I've learned that certain people {in the "real" world and in the blog world} speak to my heart in negative ways quicker than others.  Some people just leave me feeling like a total loser.  Either because I have reached out and tried to befriend them and have been ignored or rejected OR because I just imagine that they do things so much better than I do.  {Loser talk right?}.  I've stopped following some blogs or IG accounts that don't line up with how I want to talk to myself.  Social media outlets the make me feel bad for having a clean house or not taking a girls weekend every other weekend, had to go.  They didn't speak good into my heart and didn't uplift me to where God wants me to be.

Stop.  I stopped comparing numbers.  In the social media world, numbers are a big deal.  How many blog hits per day?  How many IG followers?  How many posts?  How many comments?  Looks at all of those numbers can put a real funk in your step.  Compare them to others and man, you have just subjected yourself to an avalanche of hurt.

Replace.  I'm learning to replace my thoughts {which are human in nature} to truths that God wants me to believe.  I don't feel lovable {James 4:2 You don't have what you don't ask for}.  I want others to like me {Proverbs 29:25 Trying to please others is a snare.  I want to be pleasing to God!}.    

Transparency.  Nothing new to me and a long time favorite.  I don't think God intends us to live in secret with our struggles and issues.  But I sure as heck think the enemy does!  It's much easier to convince us of our worthlessness if keep it a secret in the dark.  If we don't feed it with truth it will grow into a massive hindrance.  Be transparent with others you can trust.  Find that person you can really be YOU with and lay it all out there.
So that is that.  I hope this is read by who needs it, maybe it's you, who like me, needs a nice kick in the pants.  God has a plan for our lives and it is not to feel worthless or unlovable.  I'm working on feeling the opposite and I hope my journey can help you get there too! 

Much love to you, thanks for stopping by and Happy Monday!


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Krista Julian said...

I will be 43 this year and wished I was as wise, even at 35, as I am now....and know I still have a lot to learn! I have finally learned to love my self as God loves me. God doesn't love me more if I have more money, a nicer home or at the "perfect" weight. He sees my heart and my intentions so I strive to make those shine. As Mother Theresa once stated, "in the end, it's only between you & God anyway"....yes it 100% is.

Cora Anne Designs said...

YES! All of it!

Our pastor just published a book called Satisfied where he has an entire chapter on's a piece that hit me smack in the face:

"Comparison seduces us to obsess over what is withheld while blinding us to the myriad blessings God has given for our enjoyment. Look at the footprints of our trespasses. I think most sin can be traced back to an inner suspicion that God is not good. The more you flirt with comparison, the more tenuous your trusting relationship with God. You simply won't trust him if you suspect he is holding out on you. And you will not follow the God you do not trust, at least not for long. Comparison strangles surging faith. The heart that feels God is not fair begins a slow and steady drift."

How true is that?!? I had never considered before that comparison meant that I didn't trust God with my own life. But every minute that I spend looking at someone else, their life, their whatever, is a minute I'm not recognizing just how fearfully and wonderfully I am made, and just how richly blessed I am.

Anyway, now I've written a novel, but I just just finished reading that, so I think it was fresh and big in my mind :)

Know how VERY loved you are, Crystal! xoxo

Andrea said...

I am continually inspired by the way you are living out God's Word.

BeccaMarie said...

I just love coming to your blog and finding scripture woven in with what you are trying to say. Thank you for sharing and thank you for the words of encouragement.

Rene Sharp said...

This blog post spoke to me. I turn 40 this year, and it's taken me a very long time for me to be comfortable and confident in who I am, I don't worry about what people think of me anymore. If you like me, you like me, if you don't..that's ok! None of us are perfect, but I am sure you try the very best to be the best that you can be, and that is all that matters! Smiles from South Africa :)

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