a resolution for us all. {read me!}

I'm not sure why but the buzz of society today is to bring down anyone who is deemed "too successful".  Too successful = too evil.  Look around you, a corporation becomes too big = evil.  An athlete becomes to successful = he's greedy/on drugs/evil/etc.  Your neighbor gets a new car = evil/must be doing something wrong to be able to afford that.  A fellow blogger gets a book deal = she must be ignoring her kids to get that kind of success.  On and on and nauseatingly on it goes.  We dissolve others success by finding the root cause of why they REALLY ARE successful.  We don't feel like we can just say they work hard and they deserve it.

In a country founded on do it yourself-ers we have turned on our heads and become "into my selfers".  We are ok with the success of our friends and neighbors AS LONG AS they do not become so successful that we feel we couldn't "catch up".

Recently on facebook I stated:

"Don't blame Pinterest or blogs or Facebook or your neighbor or your friends or anyone else for making you feel like an inferior mother. Blame the fact that you are comparing what YOU are doing with what everyone else is doing. It's YOUR problem to fix and no one else's. I'm tired of the "lets bring down the go-getters because I can't/don't wanna/don't feel like doing what they do" attitude. You do you and I'll do me."

There's a virus going around the internet and it's called "find someone to blame".  We no longer celebrate the go-getter.  We get a pail of rocks and stone her for daring to move faster than us.  

Friend after friend after friend of mine has stopped posting the crafts, kid activities, dinners, projects etc that they make on any form of social media.  Why?  Because instead of being met with "That is awesome, amazing, I love it, go you!" she is met with "Where were your kids?  What kind of drugs are you on to be able to get so much done? What a waste of time to do that for your husband/kids/friends?'.  She is brought to her knees with criticism and harsh words because she is doing something her friends are not.  

And those who criticize usually cite Pinterest as being at fault.  "I've had to stop Pinterest/Instagram/FB because IT makes me feel like I'm a failure as a mom/wife/friend.  Pinterest/FB/IG sets impossible standards to keep up with".   

Step one: stop allowing anything but YOU to dictate how you feel.  YOU choose to let those media outlets make you feel that way.  YOU are the root of that problem.  

Step two: realize that when you are looking at Pinterest/FB/IG you are looking at the collective genius of THOUSANDS of women and not just one. 

As many of you know, I love Wonder Woman and it's not because she looks great in a unitard.  It's because to me, she is my visual reminder of Proverbs 31.  She is strong, confident and goes after what she feels is right, despite the evils of the world.  She knows what's right and she goes after it.  She doesn't check with other super heroes first.  I look at her and I see all of my potential via Proverbs 31. 

The Proverbs 31 woman does not leave her house and go see what her neighbor is up to before setting out to conquer her day.  Part of the reason for not doing that, I think, is because if you leave your "house" unattended for long enough, the burglars will take notice and come to reek havoc, evils will enter in and you will return home to a mess.  

The same goes today.  Before you set out to start your day, take your own inventory, no need to inventory for the neighbors.  Secure your own home, leave no corner for evils to enter into.  

In other words, do not leave your heart and mind unattended while you put someone else's in check.  Seek what God wants from YOU today and you will accomplish all He has in store.  

My most successful days are the ones where I weed out MY wants and focus on His.  He gives us just enough time to accomplish all He has in store for us. 

If you find yourself flustered at the end of the day maybe it's because you have much on your list that He did not put there?  If you are combative with a successful friend maybe it's because you've picked up the wrong "to-do" list and have wasted your time slinging arrows where they weren't meant to be aimed. 

I can tell you that the weight of someones criticism of how you spend your time can weigh heavily on the person you direct it to.  I can tell you that it steals their Joy and burdens them with guilt. 

Until we get over it and realize that it's not us, it's them. 

Can 2013 be the year that we stop comparing ourselves to others and be genuinely happy at the hard earned, honest, success of others? Can we put aside our weapons of mommy war (words, judgements and criticisms) and just learn how to be happy for each other that we are getting done all HE has on our list of things to do? 

If you want to be more crafty, bake more, sew more, read more, be more loving, spend more time with your kids/husband/friends then DO that.  Start.  Go now.  Don't waste another minute trying to knock down the more successful.  That is time that is better spent elsewhere. 

Rejoice with those who rejoice!  Go find someones success to genuinely celebrate!  Be happy at others accomplishments.  The Joy will bounce back and move you forward.  

And if you can't do that...ask for prayer.  Seek help to figure out why you feel the need to bring others down.  And I don't say that lightly.  I say it because a bitter heart is a heavy (unnecessary) thing to lug around.  

Make 2013 the year of the cheerleader and stomp out the trolls that bring the go-getters down.    

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31 comments:

Rachel Reeves said...

BAM.

Samantha said...

Amen! I agree fully.

Here's to a great '13!!xx

Molly said...

I really needed this today. Thank you for being you, and for sharing your heart and life with us.

Amy Lynne said...

You rock! I have been known to down play my accomplishments because I don't want any grief and that's just not right. Thank you for taking a stand! This post touched my soul!!

leasletters said...

Crystal,

This really hit home to me today. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with all of us. Happy New Year.

Loretta

Kyndra said...

Well stated. I hope many read this and take it to heart. One of my plans for my blog this year is to blog about some of my failed projects. It's just one way to "keep it real." We must remember that most people blog their successes only. Most people don't have it all together. And those who do? Truly, good for them! Thank you for your post. Have a blessed new year!

Kimmy said...

I truly think this is a great post... thank you for being a good friend and telling us all words we need to hear... we can all be guilty of these things... thank you! ~ kim

Emilie said...

Very well said! May I link?

Jenifer Mertes said...

Amen! Happy New Year.

Rachel said...

So well put, Crystal! Comparison is a terrible trap for women. Thank you for sharing all you do for your family and your heart on your blog. At a time in my life where I don't get to be out much (because of Peanut's special needs and exhaustion of twin pregnancy), you continue to inspire me :) Love you!

Tiff said...

Wonderful post!! This country has become a nation of "victims" and unfortunately it is letting those that the victims despise, rule them. But don't get me started on politics ;)
I have seen the whole jealousy thing in my own life. I love crafts, decorating, and spending time with my kids... and when I do something, I give it my all. But I have lost so many friends because of this. I don't do things to be a show off, I just enjoy making things and keeping my home, but I know that others see that as a challenge to them and they don't want to deal with that. I have realized that I can't change who I am(I like me), so it is their loss if they don't want me as a friend.
And when the green eyed monster creeps into my own head, I remind myself to count my blessings and know that someone else's success does not in any way take away from my life.
Sorry for the long comment, I just really liked your post!

Happy New Year and may God Bless you with good health and happiness!

Tiff

Grace said...

Amen, Crystal! This needs to be shared with everyone! I know I feel uplifted with kind words and try to do the same for others. One thing to point out is the Bible does say that we should not speak ill or curse (putdowns, negative talk, etc) anyone. Its amazing that so many people have forgotten how to edify each other! Thanks for sharing this.

Courtney said...

oh my goodness, i absolutely love this! i am going to save it forever and ever and read it whenever i feel i am being judged for going above and behind for my kids.

jaime ♥ raising up rubies said...

truth. truth. truth.
we're all gifted in different areas right? what a blessing to learn from other moms ... it makes us stronger together!
(i follow you on Instagram ... that's what brought me to your post... how cute is this place?!) ♥

Elizabeth Adcock said...

Brava! Excellent post and very well said.

Stella Marie said...

I should read this post once a month to remind myself how true it is! Jealous people like to put others down and find faults. As long as you are doing what makes you happy, that should be all that matters. Your husband/kids/etc are your own business, no one else's!

Meyers Family said...

Thank YOU Crystal! I needed that! Love your genuineness :)

Corinne @ the Salty Shark said...

What a great first post to reel me in! Stumbled upon your space via the ADORABLE hoho's being liked all over IG and I'm glad I did! Nothing like a little iron sharpening to kick off a new year! Xo

A Little Of A Lot said...

This is perhaps my favorite post of yours that I've read, I quit blogging because of what other people thought, maybe it's time to resurrect it :)
Have a happy and blessed 2013

Alicia said...

I really enjoyed this post...thank you for the insight and great advice! If we take care of the inside first (ourselves, our families, our homes) then we will be able to bring into our lives the positive outside forces that we personally need. Happy New Year!

Passionate Quilter said...

AMEN, very well put. I just read en editorial on a blog claiming Pinterest was turning us into Stepford wives and no one can keep up. And MANY people jumped on the bandwagon making people who followed Pinterst, blogged about it were creating havoc in our homes. It made me sad because they were very judgmental of people who were just sharing. I love the generous sharing that others do and if it helps me, great, and if I can't use i, I go on.

We have become a very judgmental society without any consideration of what the other persons intentions are. I hope and pray we become more tolerant of one another. Thank you for your post and sharing.

EB said...

Amen sister! I just found your blog and BAM I am hooked, can't wait to read more! You are awesome now go take on the day being awesome! :)

EB said...

Wow- LOVE it. Just found your blog and I can not wait to read more. You are awesome, now go take on the day being awesome.

jane said...

Cheers to you! Well said!

MargaretB said...

I totally agree that we as mamas have got to stop with the comparing and tearing each other down--I loved what you said about rejoicing with each other! This article I saw a while back totally spoke to my heart about this whole idea of feeling like 'less' because of what you see others doing. http://www.naptimediaries.com/2012/11/the-diy-generation.html I'm definitely not the wife/mama/crafter/baker I'd like to be, so I often fall into the trap of looking on mamas who I feel 'have it together' with judgement. And then I work harder to keep up with other mamas, not because it's something I feel led to do. You're totally right about checking our own inventory, not the inventory of our neighbors!

Cindy said...

Thank you so much for this post!

Paula said...

I never let other bloggers, pinners etc make me feel inadequate. My house is usually cheerfully cluttered and a little dusty, but as long as we are all happy that is all that matters.

I love looking at projects completed by other folks and dream of the day when I can get those things done too! Your post was right on the money - I say to those who bring down other folks: "Sweep your own back porch - you never know what another person is going through!"

derekcindyterp said...

:) I pray everyone felt this way! I love to craft and sew and bake ...occasionally. I wish I made more time for it, but I love reading posts and getting ideas for things to do, even if I dont get around to doing them....yet. :) And I think it's safe to say your family is NOT suffering neglect. You post a fair amount of things involving your boys and they are always looking pretty happy and loved with whatever it is YOU are involving THEM with. Good for you, and all the other crazy crafty mammas!! :)

Amber said...

I'm just catching up on my blogs so I'm late on this, but, I must say I LOVE this! Well said! :)

amanda said...

Good stuff here! Excellent, indeed!

amanda said...

Good stuff here! Excellent, indeed!

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