When eHarmony and BlogHer asked me if I had an eHarmony story I could share here, on Valentine's day no less, I immediately thought of my sister-in-law Carolyn, who met her wonderful husband Jason through eHarmony. I will let her words tell her story for the most part, but let me tell you a few things as an observer of their relationship, you know, from the outside looking in.
Their union and relationship is a very apparent perfect match. You can tell when you meet some couples that they work perfectly together and are clearly meant to be together. I don't know anyone who knows Carolyn and Jason who would say they aren't perfect together...they complement each other well, their strengths and weaknesses exist together in a way that seems impossible. They are like Doug and me in that they have found the person who will love them in the best, most selfless way, who will encourage them in their successes and failures, and who can take both their best and worst.
I feel like they are proof that eHarmony does their homework to ensure amazing results, but I'll let Carolyn tell you how she feels about it all. ****************************************************************
1) What made you choose eHarmony once you decided to try online dating?
I was living in a new city at the time I tried eHarmony. I was at a stage in my life where I wanted to meet someone, and I felt like I was at a really healthy place. I knew myself well, and I knew I was no longer interested in dating for dating's sake. I prayed about it, which might sound funny, but I was making a financial investment to try it for 3 months, and at that time in my life I didn't have a lot of extra money. It seemed like every time I watched TV I kept seeing more of those commercials and thought I'd give it a try. Also, someone I really trusted admitted to having had a good experience with eHarmony. Other than that one person I didn't tell anyone I was trying and decided to just see where the experiment took me. I decided to try eHarmony over the other companies because I had read books by Dr. Neil Clark Warren and appreciated his perspective on relationships. After completing my initial inventory I felt confident in the results I received and was excited about the match between who I was and what eHarmony said I was looking for. It honestly felt right. 
2) How has that decision impacted your life?
Well, I met the man I honestly believe was put on the planet to make me the best version of me. Most people who meet us for the first time assume we are high school sweethearts and have been together for years. In reality, when I was in high school in New Jersey, he was in college in Michigan. I think for me personally it was a faith journey; I like to control things and make things happen and leaving my future relationship in God's hands was a huge step of surrender. So that prayer: "Lord close the door that you don't want me to walk through and only open doors that are of you," really protected me both from myself and things that might have distracted me from meeting Jason.
3) Tell me about your eHarmony journey, matches, selection process etc? How did you feel about the process?
I joined eHarmony after craning my neck in church one Sunday to see if the pianist had a ring on. It felt like the time was right, and that trusted friend and those commercials just pushed me over the edge. I was not sure at first, but the first couple of matches really did intrigue me. In the beginning the process allows you to read about other people and see what you have in common, then you can choose to communicate using the system so that your phone # and email address are not out there. I spoke to a few people in the beginning but didn't connect with anyone initially until Jason.
I did get to the point where I spoke with 2 other guys on the phone, but I could quickly tell we were not good matches for each other, and we cordially went our way. Every person I was matched with I valued as an individual and could tell why we had been matched. I even got connected with a guy I went to college with even though we were 3 states away from our alma mater at the time. He and I both agreed if we hadn't dated in college we probably wouldn't need to date at that stage. I liked that the system allowed me to gradually go deeper with people. In the beginning I chose questions to ask of my matches but got to a stage where I could ask my own questions to really get at their heart. It was a comfortable, safe, and enjoyable process. I usually loved going to my computer to see what new communication I had received. I could discreetly close communication and matches without having to "let them down"; the system did that work for me
4) Tell me your success story!?
I was matched with Jason on March 19. We began to communicate via the system and would write back and forth multiple times a day, I'm not sure what it was in the beginning, but I was very at ease with him and wasn't even trying to come up with answers, I was just 100% myself. I could tell he and I had a lot in common, and one afternoon (April 4th) he gave me his phone number and offered to find a time for us to talk that weekend on Palm Sunday (April 6th). I called that night while home visiting my family in New Jersey, and we talked for 2.5 hours. It was the easiest conversation I have ever had with anyone. We spoke the next day and the next day and quickly made plans for him to come visit me where I was living the weekend of April 23.
He got out of the car, and I knew instantly I was going to enjoy every minute we had together that weekend. For our "first date" we went to the children's zoo in the city where I was living. 6 hours of pure joy! We laughed and talked like we had known each other for years. We enjoyed making meals together that weekend and meeting my co-workers and friends. Everyone acknowledged they could see what I could see, which was that he was so easy to be with and such a solid guy full of adventure and integrity. He was supposed to leave on Sunday night but had already asked my co-worker who he was staying with if he could sleep over one more night and told me he would be leaving after breakfast on Monday-which turned into after lunch
He traveled abroad in May for 4 weeks teaching a class in New Zealand. I knew he had captured my heart when he would call from across the globe just to say hey. He sent flowers half way through his trip via a local florist and cards so I continued to hear from him even though he was time zones away.
My life with him is full and wonderful. The things I adore about him, that he loves people so well, he can talk to anyone about anything and that he is fully present when he is with you, also make me crazy-his love of people means we are the last to get in the car after church; his ability to talk to anyone means we tend to know the life story of EVERY waiter or waitress we've ever had, and his fully presentness means no matter how many times I call, if he is meeting with a student or colleague he rarely answers the phone because he's 100% present with those in front of him.
My 3 brothers enjoy him, at least I think they do; he's blended into my family really well which is hard when you are the only girl. My friends see how he makes me a better version of me and how he has pushed and challenged me as well...our cup overflows as we just welcomed a sweet baby girl into our lives, and after 6 years of marriage we are enjoying co-parenting.
We'll be married 7 years in June, and I truly feel like God blessed me via eHarmony with my Jason! Just for fun every now and again I log back into eHarmony. Even though I am not a paying member I can see my conversations back and forth with Jason, and I feel like us being so honest with each from day one built a healthy foundation for a great relationship. It's not easy; he's not perfect and neither am I, but it sure is fun, and I love the adventure!
5) Anything you would like to share in regards to your experience and whether or not you would encourage others to go this route?
It's not a dating service. Don't try eHarmony to find someone to fill your days, but it's worth it if you are willing to invest in the relationship process. Know some people get "denied" if the survey results show they are not ready/prepared for a relationship. I don't know what that is all about, but it has happened to many of my friends who later look back and see they were not at the right place for a relationship for one reason or another. I honestly think anytime you can come to the end of yourself and trust God with your life in an area you can't control then you are bound to be blessed! ****************************************************************Now is it just me, or that a fun and encouraging story? It's always fun to hear how couples are brought together, and I am always amazed at the perfectly coordinated ones...my secret prayer is that her story will inspire at least ONE of you to have hope. And maybe there are more than one of you have been considering trying eHarmony. To you I say: if it feels right, go for it!
To celebrate this day of love eHarmony and Blogher are giving away one $100 giftcard to one of you!
To be entered for a chance to win a $100 Visa gift card, answer the following question in comments! What is the most important character trait your partner must have and why?
Rules:
No duplicate comments.
You may receive (2) total entries by selecting from the following entry methods:
a) Leave a comment in response to the sweepstakes prompt on this post
b) Tweet about this promotion and leave the URL to that tweet in a comment on this post
c) Blog about this promotion and leave the URL to that post in a comment on this post
d) For those with no Twitter or blog, read the official rules to learn about an alternate form of entry.
This giveaway is open to US Residents age 18 or older.
Winners will be selected via random draw, and will be notified by e-mail.
You have 72 hours to get back to me, otherwise a new winner will be selected.
The Official Rules are available here.
This sweepstakes runs from 2/14/2012 - 3/15/2012.
Visit the BlogHer.com eHarmony page to check out more blogger success stories and for more chances to win!
102 comments:
I think the most important character trait in a partner is tenacity. When the going gets tough (as is bound to happen in any relationship), you need someone who won't give up just because things are hard. You need someone who will stick with you through thick and thin.
mami2jcn at gmail dot com
tweet:
https://twitter.com/#!/mami2jcn/status/169431759618969603
mami2jcn at gmail dot com
My man has to be a good listener and willing to understand things. I'm currently learning to communicate with my stubborn, independent thinking boyfriend--because of his inability to fully listen to me and is quick to interject his feelings has caused a lot of tension. regardless I still love him--and wish we weren't in a 1800 mile long distance relationship--but it makes the times we are together that much more special.
I tweeted!
https://mobile.twitter.com/oowidescrnoo/status/169433014768635904
It's most important that they have a close relationship with the Lord...
https://twitter.com/#!/rosorior/status/169454497301676032
I think the best traits in a relationship are honesty, good communication and tolerance.
The most important character trait is to be able to make me laugh. After a long hard day, nothing feels better than a good belly laugh. Not only do I FEEL better, but I'm truly truly happy. My husband makes me laugh harder, longer, and more frequent than anyone on the earth. And I couldn't imagine being happier :)
Most important trait? Goodness, that's tough. Honesty? Loyalty? Humor? I don't know, but I'm glad my husband has all of those things and more.
Most important character is a sense of humor. When times are tough - laughter helps!
to love the Lord...it's a command straight from God, and if your husband will love the Lord and seek to follow Him, he will love you as well and everything else will fall into place!
It's most important for them to be a believer and follower of the Lord.
kimberlydsterling[at]yahoo[dot]com
Here's my tweet.
https://twitter.com/#!/kimmiecakers/status/169502240397197312
kimberlydsterling[at]yahoo[dot]com
Thanks for the chance to win!
i think humor is really important! i love to laugh!
vanitizebaby@yahoo.com
tweet
https://twitter.com/#!/MeandBells/status/169511197954146307
vanitizebaby at yahoo dot com
Most important: loving Jesus and trying to be like Him.
And a tweet! https://twitter.com/#!/momconformist/status/169511910776119296
I think honesty and a sense of humor are huge in my relationships!!
For me, it's most important that he love Jesus and want to live for Him and serve Him fully. Other than that, I think honesty!
trust and honest bc i dont think you can have a successful relationship with out them.
pokergrl8 at gmail.com
https://twitter.com/#!/aes529/status/169568628163874816
pokergrl8 at gmail.com
Honesty is the most important. I think if the person is willing to be honest, then there's a foundation for open communication.
Thoughtfulness. Gotta love a man who is thoughtful of you. I think that is one of my favorite traits of my hubba hubby.
Most Important Character Trait. What a hard question!! I guess for me, being supportive is the most important. My husband and I have a wonderful relationship because we support each other and understand that although we are married and one unit, we are still two separate people with separate needs and desires.
a sense of humor because i need a good laugh every now and again
the most important trait is honesty and patience.
honesty and patience, plus a good sense of humor are the most important qualities to me
he has to have a sense of humor
karinaroselee at gmail dot com
The most important character trait my partner must have is honesty. That is because I believe all relationships build on trust. I don’t think I can trust someone that’s not honest.
Amy [at] utry [dot] it
I tweeted about this giveaway: https://twitter.com/#!/uTry_it/status/169932180649287681
Amy [at] utry [dot] it
i tweeted
https://twitter.com/#!/karinaroselee/status/169933464093736960
karinaroselee at gmail dot com
Trust and honesty are two important qualities my husband has.
s2s2 at comcast dot net
https://twitter.com/#!/susan1215/status/169953080643829761
s2s2 at comcast dot net
Honesty is the most important, I want to trust the person I am with completely.
tweeted
https://twitter.com/#!/bdiane35/status/169980999030161408
The most important trait is integrity. If he says he is going to call and he doesn't, he isn't a man of his word. If he doesn't have integrity, than trust will be broken which is a foundation in a relationship
The most important character trait to me is kindness! Thanks so much for a chance to win, too! Best wishes,
kmassmanATgmailDOTcom
transparency--i.e. honesty--without it a relationship is doomed.
https://twitter.com/#!/fostertam/status/170861864115372033
The most important trait for me is having a belief in God. He must have a spiritual nature and put God first. Another important trait is trust and honesty.
tweety800265(at)yahoo(dot)com
Tweeted
https://twitter.com/#!/disneyfan40/status/170912590195736577
tweety800265(at)yahoo(dot)com
a sense of humor! lifei s too short not to laugh at the tough stuff. scg00387 at yahoo dot com
https://twitter.com/#!/DesMoinesDealin/status/170967707670413313 scg00387 at yahoo dot com
I need a partner who is hard working because I feel a need to be always working toward a goal. I get frustrated if my partner sits back, and I find myself trying to do everything.
chainmail (at)iwon dot com
I tweeted about this
https://twitter.com/#!/The_Sunshyn/status/171301603960303617
chainmail (at)iwon dot com
I tweeted about this
https://twitter.com/#!/The_Sunshyn/status/171301603960303617
chainmail (at)iwon dot com
patience is important because i can't stand people who are upset all the time
thepryfamily@gmail.com
https://twitter.com/#!/thepryfamily/status/171371469543186434
thepryfamily@gmail.com
I would say a sense of humor. I don't know about you but I couldn't life without laughing at life, because you shouldn't take life so serious. My husband makes everyday a lot easier when he makes me laugh!!
kperales25{at}aol.com
Trustworthy b/c without trust, you can't have a solid marriage/relationship.
family74014 at gmail dot com
I'D LOVE A MAN WITH APPRECIATION. FOR SOME REASON, IT'S ONE TRAIT ALL MY X-BOYFRIEND'S DON'T SEEM TO POSSESS.
kytah00@yahoo.com
https://twitter.com/#!/kytah00/status/171799058564907008
The most important character trait my partner must have is sense of humor. To be able to always look the bright side when things go unplanned/wrong.
tcarolinep at gmail dot com
https://twitter.com/#!/tcarolinep/status/171833337353207808
For me, the most important character trait my partner must have is loyalty. This doesn't just mean not straying, but also defending me, treating me well, and believing in me and our relationship.
jfong1130 at yahoo dot com
https://twitter.com/#!/jfong1130/status/171839827178823680
jfong1130 at yahoo dot com
The most important character trait my partner must have is honesty, because I cannot trust anyone who is not honest especially who is your partner.
ctong2@gmail.com
I tweeted about this giveaway: https://twitter.com/#!/ctong2/status/171868850030247936
ctong2[at]gmail[dot]com
My husband must be loyal to family because that is the basis for a good relationship.
KellywcuATyahooDOTcom
tweeted
https://twitter.com/#!/kellydsaver/status/171957443503464448
kellywcuATyahooDOTcom
I think the most important character trait is caring and understand. I have dated alot of guys in the past who never show that to me.
purple_lover_04 at msn dot com
https://twitter.com/#!/purplelover04/status/173165371577208832
The two most important traits a man must have are honesty, and they must be respectful.
polarbearmonnie at aol dot com
The most important character trait my partner must have is a sense of humor because when the going gets rough, we both will need something to laugh about.
https://twitter.com/#!/davisesq212/status/173792611134484481
honesty, kindness to others, and loyalty
MCantu1019 at aol dot com
love his family. family means a lot to me
merleandtina@Yahoo.com
https://twitter.com/#!/HappyTina0115/status/174556273373741059
merleandtina@Yahoo.com
I think that honesty is the most important character trait for a partner to have.
melduke26 at gmail dot com
Honest, caring and good provider
debbiebellows(at)gmail(dot) com
here is the link to my tweet:
https://twitter.com/#!/bellows22/status/174683402186924032
debbiebellows(at)gmail(dot)com
I would have to say kindness is the most important trait!
nuthouse(at)centurytel(dot)net
a good sense of humor is my must have
The most important character trait to me is humor. Life is so hard some days and a sense of humor would make life so much more fun and enjoyable during the hard times.
landfjacobson @ charter.net
I tweeted
https://twitter.com/#!/Ilovemybeagle2/status/175652656193343489
landfjacobson @ charter.net
Congratulations to Carolyn, thanks for sharing the story. I think honesty is important because trust is important in a relationship.
songyueyu at gmail
tweet: https://twitter.com/#!/syytta/status/175897232044867584
songyueyu at gmail
Most important trait for my partner is someone who has a compassion. Because when things aren't going so good I know I can lean on my husband to tell me things will be okay.
ashleygatewood1(AT)gmail.com
https://twitter.com/#!/shuggysmommy/status/176018519455039490
ashleygatewood1(AT)gmail.com
The most important trait for my partner to have is honesty. I feel that being up front no matter what the situation is very important in a relationship.
katbirdfl (at) gmail (dot) com
Tweet: https://twitter.com/#!/katbirdfl/status/176155830394175488
Tweet
https://twitter.com/#!/didyouyarnthat/status/176723172396240897
I think the most important trait is kindness. It's often difficult to have empathy but it would make the world a much better place if we all strived to be kinder and more empathetic.
Tweet
https://twitter.com/#!/didyouyarnthat/status/176723172396240897
He must be able to make me laugh. Because a happy wife is a happy life.
It's hard to choose just ONE most important trait, as I think that there are a couple of critical traits. But I think the ability to put family and relationships first without compromising one's sense of self is the most important.
wolverina401 at gmail dot com
In my opinion, the most important thing to look for in someone you want to spend the rest of your life with is trust because that is the backbone of any relationship. Without having complete trust in your partner, it is very hard for the relationship to weather the bumps that inevitably come.
It's really hard to choose just one! Honesty is so important. If you are honest with each other (and yourself!) it makes everything so much easier.
kristisdeals1 at yahoo dot com
A loyal and forgiving spirit. Relationships are tough and you want to have someone who will fight for the relationship.
Make me laugh. Humor can get you thru the hardest of times, this I know from experience!
Angie
14earth at gmail dot com
I tweeted here: https://twitter.com/#!/MsTofuFairy/status/179260727062835203
Angie
14earth at gmail dot com
Honesty and integrity are vital - without those you lose respect for that person and trust.
For me the most important characteristic would be the ability to compromise. Life is full of compromises and marriage is one of the most important.
willitara [at] gmail [dot] com
Tweet - https://twitter.com/#!/willitara/status/180047988557750272
willitara [at] gmail [dot] com
Honesty and respect are the most important things for me.
chipdip2010(at)hotmail(dot)com
Tweeted http://twitter.com/#!/chipdip2010/status/180088348692586498
chipdip2010(at)hotmail(dot)com
For me, honesty is the most important because without it, you lose trust. Humor is next since it helps through the hard times.
Tweet: http://twitter.com/njhhb/statuses/180232744746483712
For me, it's a shared sense of humor to find the funny in life.
Thanks for the contest.
blogged:
http://slehan.blogspot.com/2012/03/win-100-visa-gc-from-blogher-and.html
I think loyalty is extremely important. When in a relationship it is important to know that you can completely count on the other person.
Thanks for the chance to win!
gina.m.maddox (at) gmail (dot) com
tweet-https://twitter.com/#!/CrazyItalian0/status/188323811907747840
gina.m.maddox (AT) gmail (DOT) com
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