why home is important to me.

sorry folks.  this is one of THOSE posts.
where i spill my heart out and either it repulses you or it makes you love me more.
so you have been warned. 
the good news is that i have some CUTE posts coming in the next few days  so hang in there ok?

so can i tell you that i am worn out from this selling a house stuff.
we keep our house super neat so it can be cleaned quickly.
we have BOXES of our stuff in the attic.
the exhilaration of having a showing. 
and the let down that follows when they choose somewhere else.

the last people to see it actually made an offer.  we countered and then the husband wanted to see it.
the wife had made an offer WITHOUT her husband seeing it. WHAT?!?!
he did not love it as much as she did.
we are pretty sure it is because we live in a racially mixed neighborhood. 
which doesn't bother us one bit but was enough to convice this would be seller that his work equipment would be stolen out of his car.
he said this to me.
terrible. TERRIBLE.

so we wait a little longer.  and hold fast to hope that we will be moving soon.
the bittersweet part is that in this journey i have have the joy and honor of praying for others in the same situation...living in a city/town/country that is not home and counting the days until they get to return.  so many of you have emailed me to share your story...and i love you for it.  the bittersweet part is that others prayers are being answered.  i have lost count of how many people are well on their way home...or are already there.  and i am SO happy for them.  truly. 
and with each one i pray "my turn next Lord?".

some people still don't get it.  WHY is a place SO important to us?  to me, maybe even more so.

i'm a little nervous to talk about this next part...but here goes. 

you may notice that i never mention my family on here.  of course there is doug and my boys and my wonderful amazing in-laws who ARE my family.

i'm talking about my parents and siblings.  and everyone connected to them.
the bottom line is that i don't have them anymore.  not now nor in the foreseeable future.

for reasons that i won't go into here...a year ago in march i was forced to make a choice between my real family (doug and my boys) and the people i happen to share blood with. 
it was not an easy choice.  it was not fun.  it was hard and covered with a lot of prayer.  it still is.

some will say that family is forever.  that that is the only source of unconditional love...like somehow sharing DNA will ensure acceptance, love of the unconditional variety and a relationship.

i disagree.  acceptance is a choice.
unconditional love is an action you CHOOSE. 
relationships are a choice.

as a result of the choice to move forward without any contact from my parents...almost all family followed suit.  i'm pretty much an orphan. there are a tiny few who still talk to me.  most are not "allowed".  many, i think, cannot comprehend my choice...see reasoning above.  i still love them all and miss them.  but i've had to make a choice that i feel protects myself and my family.  and for the record doug totally supports this choice.

the point?  blacksburg has family.  and friends that ARE family.  and it takes us closer to other family.
i want my kids to grow up near their aunts and uncles and aunts and uncles in law (hi amy!) and cousins.
i want them to have memories of their family in their life.  i want those relationships for them that will keep them accountable.

i want to be part of a community that knows my children and keeps them in line when i'm not looking.
i want an endless supply of people i can trust with my kids.

i want dinner parties and cookouts.  and real, deep friends for crying out loud.  i want people who can look at me and know that i am not ok.  

blacksburg has what we don't have here.

and i am totally believing that God is going to take us there.  some great way.  some great how.

but some days my heart is heavier than others.
the days that i want those things for my kids and us.

i know and believe our prayers will be answered. 

some days are just harder to wait through than others.

xo
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