the rest of the story.


so, as you know, we've been on a ride for months now.  starting back in September or so we began the road that we hope will take us home...and here we are months later...pretty much on the same stretch of road...we keep getting flat tires it seems.    
for the most part, i've been hush about the details because i felt like i just couldn't share it all.  if you have been here a while you've been with me through all the emotional ups and downs.  for a while now, we thought that something pretty amazing was happening for us.  at the moment, it looks like that door may be closing...but for all we know that is temporary or not.  we just don't know. 

so even though the ending is not what we were hoping for (yet?)...i'll share some of the ups and downs..see if you can keep up. 

september through present day...
  -(sept) we suddenly feel like we are overwhelming ready to go home (blacksburg).   it's a serious longing to be HOME.  where our friends are, where our church is, where our family is.  
it's where we feel we are supposed to be. 
-we start to seriously pray for our house to sell.  
doug prays for someone to come in off the streets to buy it. 
-doug pokes around at work and somehow finds out that there will be an opening in a store near where we want to live (doug is a target exec).  we get majorly excited...thinking, "WOW God is moving fast and is going to take us home and it will be awesome"
-then HEARTBREAK.  the job goes to someone else.  my husband gets to see a lot of the ugly cry. 
-we eventually pull ourselves together and resolve to follow God wherever He decides to send us.  even if WE don't get it or want it.  we KNEW that God's plan IS best.  even if we don't understand it.  
-eventually doug is offered another position in a town close enough that he can commute (culpeper).  we begin to embrace this new road.  to a NEW place.  a change to get us AWAY from charlottesville.  
-in the meantime, we've talked to a realtor who basically tells us that if we insist on selling our home at a number WE are comfortable with, then we have to pay him a $1,500 listing fee.  WHATEVER! it was EASY to let that door close. 
-in the mean-meantime, shortly after this realtor meeting, one of doug's coworkers, out of the blue (or off the street!!) shows a huge interest in buying our house.  for a number that makes us and him happy.  -the position from culpeper falls through.  once again, the ugly cry.  i hate this place.  i want to leave and at this point i will go anywhere God wants to send us...even if i still want to go HOME. 
-doug is offered another position.  in a city that will depend on us selling this house.  we once again, work towards going where God is sending us.  dare i say, we get excited.  
-the person that is trying to buy our house is told that they would qualify for a loan once they have been in their position for 12 months.  that would be in july.  boo!  
-buyer offers to rent our home until then with a rent to own contract!! yay! 
-doug loses the chance for the winchester position.  but we are OK with it because somehow we know that God has a better plan.  are we getting better at this obedience thing?     
-buyer can't get their child in the childcare that they want until august...meaning they can't move until then.  boo!
-i offer to provide childcare for them until august.  yay!
we would move to a house with a month to month lease. 
but to date we have not been able to get together to discuss this option.  so we aren't sure what will happen with this...so maybe this door is closing...or maybe it is not.  we have left it in their hands. 

there are a lot of reasons that i stopped talking about all of this on my blog.  a lot of it had to do with the feedback i was getting from all over via email or comment.  i've been accused of giving up.  of not trying.  of being a whiner.  i've been told that my expectations are too high for this side of heaven.  i've been told that i must be crazy because cville is awesome.  i've been told that i am ungrateful.  i've been told that I am the problem.
 
i gave up talking about it openly here because i have already been emotionally crazy sensitive because of everything and i didn't need the berating of people who don't know and love me.   

the only people i've felt safe talking about any and all of this with is my husband, my best friend and my pastor.  not the pastor at the church we currently attend (the one who is a good guy but has introduced himself to me three times) but MY pastor who has been pastoring us from afar at HOME. 
(with that said, our current pastor is not a bad guy, we enjoy his sermons, and our current church but we have a longing for the standards that were set for years by our home church and pastor...notably big shoes to fill...it's hard to go from having a pastor that knows everything about you to where we are now).

these last few months have been hard.  really, really hard.  it's been lonely and long as people have walked away from us because we've been messy.  we have been shown the people who really love us (mess and all), both here in cville and everywhere.  

we've learned that God is the only one who will never let us down. 

i've learned that my heart is so enmeshed with His that to deny Him would truly end my life.  

i am learning to trust His plan more everyday.  

i am trusting that it is His dream for us to MOVE home because the "want" to do so is stronger than anything else we have ever wanted.  
i've learned that my husband still loves me even after many days in a row of seeing the "ugly cry".

i am learning to live in the day.  learning.  

i am learning to count my blessings.  daily.

i am learning that my timing is not His.  
i am learning that His thoughts are higher than my thoughts and His ways higher than my ways. 

so that is the rest of the story...at least up until 9:12pm on march 27, 2011.

we don't know anymore than we did in september but we ARE better followers of Christ because of it.  we pray more than ever...we talk to Him more than ever...we cherish our TRUE friends more than ever.   God has used this time to sift out the "flakers" in our life.

i still break out the ugly cry once a week.  to the joy of my husband. 

but i would like to think that it's due more to growing pains of the spiritual sort than to not getting what i think is best. 

xo

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20 comments:

Meg said...

Oh I am so sorry. So many ups and downs. Its okay to ugly cry...its helps release all the stress...Heck I love a good ugly cry :)))...Seriously though Im so sorry ..I totally get it. We really want to go home. We feel out of sorts here too. We have lived here 5 years and it still feels like we are visiting the town of Stafford. I hope you journey finds its path soon. God bless!

P.S. Those people that walk away when it gets messy can just keep walking..your roots are much deeper...and thats all that matters. xoxo...

sarah said...

be brave! there is always a plan, even if you are the last one to find out the details. we must truly be in the same bout. i feel as if i am constantly in a "this is temporary phase' that turns into a this is a little more permanent than i thought. we have been working on selling our home. we got on offer in november and i am still praying all the paperwork gets squared away. my husband's job is 2 1/2 hours from where we were living and we will now be closer to family but, it is maybe not long-term? so hard to know. so many questions? so, i enjoy the daily with dreams for what is to come.

nikihas3 said...

You are brave and I am praying for your (soon) safe return home.

Disco Lemonade said...

Bless you and you family.

Holly said...

People that tell you that you are the problem and such are yucky people. I like you don't like Charlottesville. The people are not the type of people that I want to associate myself with. Waynesboro is better being a smaller town, but it's still not "home".

Terri @ em-belle-ish.blogspot.com said...

Thanks for being real! I think that is the bravest thing to be. <3

ZanBryDesigns said...

I am so sorry and I too can relate! I have a love/hate relationship with where we live. I do love my church, my son's school and the 2 friends that I have made in the 4 years of living here.
I have neighbor's that live next to me and hate me and they don't even know me. And the icing on my cake here is that my husband only has to deal with it Thursday midnight til Sunday after church because he travels for work every week!
I think that you are just wanting what is best for you AND your family!

Trish said...

hugs

Lisa said...

This has been quite the journey! It's unfortunate that you had to stop talking about it because of what people were saying. No one has the right to tell you how you should feel. Sometimes, I think that's when a person starts to feel down...when they think that their emotions are incorrect and therefore hold them in. Anyway, I hope God gives you the desire of your hearts and that you keep learning along the way. HUGS. :)

Launa said...

Oh hon, if it makes you feel any better we are going through almost the exact same thing... and I haven't posted one word of it on my blog... I think I just don't have the energy or the words. We tried to sell and are now trying to rent... my hubby has a new job, in a new city, starting in May/June... lets hope and pray that both of our chaos filled craziness will end soon.

Jen said...

Thanks for sharing. Being transparent always open us up for criticism, but also opens us up for encouragement, hugs, welcome smiles, and I've been theres.
I can honestly say as a MIlitary Spouse, I completely 100% relate to everything you're going through with this moving thing. I've had everything in storage to prepare for moving when orders were cut and they deployed the husband instead of moving us. I've had encouragement that the USMC only moves people every three years, this is our 6th move in 10 years... highly unlikely for us.

SO, you're not alone and I am praying for courage and wisdom for you and your family. I am praying for protection over your weary, fragile hearts and the peace they're seeking. Grace to you.

angela said...

Oh, big HUG. I feel like the not-knowing and waiting are the hardest of anything. Feeling like you're living in limbo. I'm excited for how full your heart will be - overflowing! - when you're finally through the maze.

And in the waiting, I'm sure that frustration is a good help to push through the 30 day shred pain!

Lace said...

I know how badly you've wanted to get out of there and closer to home & with the little blips of "not talking about it, but something great could be happening" that you've thrown out here & there, I've been seriously keeping my fingers crossed and throwing up prayers for y'all. I hope something GREAT that moves you forward happens SOON! Continued finger crossing and prayers! big hugs!

Krystle... said...

Thank you for sharing this. I cannot tell you the number of people, including myself, who have been dealing with all this. Our church life and housing situation seem to be up in the air and have been for a while. Whereas I hate "limbo" I am beginning to appreciate the grace the God has shown in the midst of it and my walk has grown because of it. I've been reminded that this world is temporary and that I need to keep things in heavenly perspective but also that it's okay to desire things as long as I don't let the gifts of God become my passion over the giver of them.
I'll pray for continued patience for both of us ;)

virginia said...

I have been hanging on desperately to these lately. I hope that they can help you too, Crystal. ;0)

In the morning, LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait expectantly.
-Psalm 5:3

"The strength of patience hangs on our capacity to believe that God is up to something good for us in all our delays and detours."
-John Piper

carlisle clan conversation... said...

praying, praying, praying

Christine said...

Oh sweet friend, praying so deeply for you. You are an amazing woman and you have constantly opened your heart to show us that life is messy, hard and that we honestly can't do it all. Shame on the stupid people that have put you down. I hope today that would find peace and strength for truly opening up and letting go. Praying for open doors beyond anything you ever expected! Love to you! Christine

Liz Taylor said...

I follow you, I don't know you personally, but I've been there, I'm still "there". I HATE living in Idaho when I'm a true New Yorker, my whole family is there, my friends. I want to leave so bad but the husband has a good job. I have a good "ugly" cry alot as well. Hang in there. God will let you struggle in order to make you stronger. It's hard in the mean time but He does love you!
Liz

Carrie said...

What ride this life is. Hugs and prayers for you and your family...

la belle fille said...

There are all tyes of people out there and sadly not all are nice :( Though I only know you via this blog, I find that you are an incredible person! You are very open and wear your feelings on your sleeve. Nothing wrong with any of it! I wish the very best for you, Doug and your beautiful children!! You are awesome, creative and delightful. Please don't change!!

PS: If it means anything, it is beacuse of you that I connected with someone and have become friends with her. We live in different states and have never met, but are friends and have been so for about three years now. THANK YOU!!

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