the rest of the story.


so, as you know, we've been on a ride for months now.  starting back in September or so we began the road that we hope will take us home...and here we are months later...pretty much on the same stretch of road...we keep getting flat tires it seems.    
for the most part, i've been hush about the details because i felt like i just couldn't share it all.  if you have been here a while you've been with me through all the emotional ups and downs.  for a while now, we thought that something pretty amazing was happening for us.  at the moment, it looks like that door may be closing...but for all we know that is temporary or not.  we just don't know. 

so even though the ending is not what we were hoping for (yet?)...i'll share some of the ups and downs..see if you can keep up. 

september through present day...
  -(sept) we suddenly feel like we are overwhelming ready to go home (blacksburg).   it's a serious longing to be HOME.  where our friends are, where our church is, where our family is.  
it's where we feel we are supposed to be. 
-we start to seriously pray for our house to sell.  
doug prays for someone to come in off the streets to buy it. 
-doug pokes around at work and somehow finds out that there will be an opening in a store near where we want to live (doug is a target exec).  we get majorly excited...thinking, "WOW God is moving fast and is going to take us home and it will be awesome"
-then HEARTBREAK.  the job goes to someone else.  my husband gets to see a lot of the ugly cry. 
-we eventually pull ourselves together and resolve to follow God wherever He decides to send us.  even if WE don't get it or want it.  we KNEW that God's plan IS best.  even if we don't understand it.  
-eventually doug is offered another position in a town close enough that he can commute (culpeper).  we begin to embrace this new road.  to a NEW place.  a change to get us AWAY from charlottesville.  
-in the meantime, we've talked to a realtor who basically tells us that if we insist on selling our home at a number WE are comfortable with, then we have to pay him a $1,500 listing fee.  WHATEVER! it was EASY to let that door close. 
-in the mean-meantime, shortly after this realtor meeting, one of doug's coworkers, out of the blue (or off the street!!) shows a huge interest in buying our house.  for a number that makes us and him happy.  -the position from culpeper falls through.  once again, the ugly cry.  i hate this place.  i want to leave and at this point i will go anywhere God wants to send us...even if i still want to go HOME. 
-doug is offered another position.  in a city that will depend on us selling this house.  we once again, work towards going where God is sending us.  dare i say, we get excited.  
-the person that is trying to buy our house is told that they would qualify for a loan once they have been in their position for 12 months.  that would be in july.  boo!  
-buyer offers to rent our home until then with a rent to own contract!! yay! 
-doug loses the chance for the winchester position.  but we are OK with it because somehow we know that God has a better plan.  are we getting better at this obedience thing?     
-buyer can't get their child in the childcare that they want until august...meaning they can't move until then.  boo!
-i offer to provide childcare for them until august.  yay!
we would move to a house with a month to month lease. 
but to date we have not been able to get together to discuss this option.  so we aren't sure what will happen with this...so maybe this door is closing...or maybe it is not.  we have left it in their hands. 

there are a lot of reasons that i stopped talking about all of this on my blog.  a lot of it had to do with the feedback i was getting from all over via email or comment.  i've been accused of giving up.  of not trying.  of being a whiner.  i've been told that my expectations are too high for this side of heaven.  i've been told that i must be crazy because cville is awesome.  i've been told that i am ungrateful.  i've been told that I am the problem.
 
i gave up talking about it openly here because i have already been emotionally crazy sensitive because of everything and i didn't need the berating of people who don't know and love me.   

the only people i've felt safe talking about any and all of this with is my husband, my best friend and my pastor.  not the pastor at the church we currently attend (the one who is a good guy but has introduced himself to me three times) but MY pastor who has been pastoring us from afar at HOME. 
(with that said, our current pastor is not a bad guy, we enjoy his sermons, and our current church but we have a longing for the standards that were set for years by our home church and pastor...notably big shoes to fill...it's hard to go from having a pastor that knows everything about you to where we are now).

these last few months have been hard.  really, really hard.  it's been lonely and long as people have walked away from us because we've been messy.  we have been shown the people who really love us (mess and all), both here in cville and everywhere.  

we've learned that God is the only one who will never let us down. 

i've learned that my heart is so enmeshed with His that to deny Him would truly end my life.  

i am learning to trust His plan more everyday.  

i am trusting that it is His dream for us to MOVE home because the "want" to do so is stronger than anything else we have ever wanted.  
i've learned that my husband still loves me even after many days in a row of seeing the "ugly cry".

i am learning to live in the day.  learning.  

i am learning to count my blessings.  daily.

i am learning that my timing is not His.  
i am learning that His thoughts are higher than my thoughts and His ways higher than my ways. 

so that is the rest of the story...at least up until 9:12pm on march 27, 2011.

we don't know anymore than we did in september but we ARE better followers of Christ because of it.  we pray more than ever...we talk to Him more than ever...we cherish our TRUE friends more than ever.   God has used this time to sift out the "flakers" in our life.

i still break out the ugly cry once a week.  to the joy of my husband. 

but i would like to think that it's due more to growing pains of the spiritual sort than to not getting what i think is best. 

xo

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