will = peace

 i don't mean to keep disappearing for days at a time...i've just been 
preoccupied with life...with trying to figure out God's will for my life...and what that means.  
And how to get information from my head to my heart.
 i can tell you that i know that i know, that i want HIS will for my life.  i want HIS path.  i want to make the choices that HE would have me make.  i want to do what HE wants me to do.  whatever that is.  the trouble i am having, is finding that will.  i seek and do all i can.  i pray.  and read my Bible.  and seek wise council.  i know that i want HIS will.  i am learning how to find it.
 i have had many interactions with people about this very topic.  and have learned that you either get someone who will listen and offer prayer...OR you get someone who offers you "justs"...you know...just believe, just pray, just read, just know.  just.  just.  just.  well, let me tell you...if i could "just" i would have by now.  and i don't think that JUST is the answer.  as i fell asleep last night, thinking about the choices and decisions to make in my life right now...i wondered...why can it all JUST happen at once...and i got this word picture in my head. 

imagine you are at a beautiful banquet.  you are wearing your best good clothes.  your kids are at a good, free sitter.  your honey is with you.  you have taken your time to get ready and be present at the meal you are about to have.  the only catch is that you get ONE bite at a time.  you are given wonderful delicious, mouth watering food.  one.  bite.  at a time.  and you only get one bite every couple of minutes.  in between bites you are expected to study that bite...to savor it...to study it...to get to know it well...so that you can really enjoy it.  you cannot rush it.  the bites come when they do...you have no control over when they do.  all you can control is how react to the bite...how much to pay attention to it...how much you learn from it and enjoy it.   you leave happy, content and at peace...closing your eyes every so often to remember a particular bite like an old friend.

now imagine the same banquet.  only you are wearing a t-shirt and sweatpants.  you haven't taken a shower or washed your hair.  you were hurried out the door...unsure of your sitter but you HAD to leave.  you get the same mouth watering, glorious food.  only you have to eat it AS FAST as you can.  no time to drink or taste or enjoy.  you have to eat quickly before it is taken away.  hurry, hurry hurry.  you choke a little, you are messy and frazzled.  you leave feeling fat and bloated and you just want to throw up to relieve your uncomfortable stomach.
i have had both of the meals.  less of the former lately.  but there are days when i can remember a certain meal with my husband...at the house of blues in NC...I think there was some teeny bopper concert going on there(justin beiber??)...we had to wait forever but it didn't matter because we didn't have kids yet...we enjoyed the moments we spent waiting for our table to be ready...looking at the artwork...talking...enjoying each moment together.  and we had a shrimp dish that night that i can still taste to this day.  

i don't have many memories of the hurry up and eat meals.  when i do remember them, i usually cringe from the stress that i can remember from them but the good ones always bring me peace.

today, don't make fun of me, for fun i googled "how to follow God's will for my life".  and i read through some of the links...mostly Bible study types but one thing struck me.  peace. 

God's will for you is always accompanied by His peace.  His way is peaceful.  His path is peaceful.  He does not want stress for me...or you...He wants us to slow down...to take small bites of His will and learn from them...to memorize them.  we aren't built to handle life all at once.  if we try it that way we are not asking for peace...we are kicking and screaming for our way.  we want it all and we want it now.  and "all, now" means stress, pressure, sadness, problems.  His way leads to peace and goodness.  
and i want peace and goodness.  

“‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declared the Lord,
‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, 
plans to give you hope and a future’” (Jeremiah 29:11). 
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