re-upholstery a la glue gun.

 if you are a "real" re-upholstery professional...you may want to avert your eyes.  this is a redo whilst making do with what I had on hand.  though...i may be willing to bet you that you can't tell the difference once you are sitting...  
 here's a before, next to an in progress chair.  we went to visit our uncle b last weekend and i kindly stole acquired these from his garage.  he thought the red was just fine.  i thought so too.  if i were going to put them in a dental office...they had a goodwill sticker on them of a whopping $5 each.  
 i did not take off the red before i put on the houndstooth.  i took one look at the bagillion staples and just had a feeling that my patience would not tolerate the removal of so many staples.  the fabric i used is upholstery weight so you can't tell...and because i didn't start from scratch...i had to use a glue gun in some places...once i stapled where i could.  
 my favorite part may be the part you never see...a fun fabric covering the bottoms.  
it's fun just knowing it's there. 
i'm pretty pleased with my unconventional re-upholstery style.  :)

what i wish. num 17.

Welcome to "What I wish I could tell you"...an anonymous platform for bloggers to share what they don't feel free to share on their own blogs.  If you have a story/thought/ache/hurt/feeling/secret/prayer request you want to get out, feel free to email me at ricracandpompoms @ gmail.com.  You will remain anonymous to all but me unless you choose otherwise. 
The author of this entry has chosen to stay anonymous.  Say hello to anon #17: 

~*~
What I wish I could tell you is that I dont know what I should do.
I realized we dont want the same things anymore. Maybe we never did. Maybe we were so excited about the idea of moving forward that we never looked very closely. I dont know if we have anything in common. I dont know if I can live each day knowing that I have to sacrifice all of the things I want and have so many expectations put on me.
I want to live in new york. You dont, and you think I want to live there because it is where she lives, but it isnt. It is where I feel the most like myself. I never wanted ot move away, but I was too young to make that choice, and I want to go back. I hate this house and this nowheresville town we live in. I hate having to drive 20 minutes to get anywhere and I hate being in a place where there is no culture. You love new york. It feels like you only say never to hurt me. I would settle for a 'maybe someday', but you wont even let me have my dreams.
I want to travel. Not just to see your parents in middle america- but to see the world. I want to go to Egypt. It has been my dream since I was 10. You have made it clear that you will never go. You have said you will not be OK with me going alone or with friends. I would never keep you from something that would so easily make your dreams come true.
I want to foster parent and adopt. Im not saying I wont put myself through the torture of fertility treatments so that we can try to have our own baby- but I feel so strongly that my children are already out there waiting for me, and you tell me that you would never even consider it. You say horrible things about these children, who I already work with and love. Dont you see how we can offer these kids a chance? They are good and caring and lost and alone. THey dont act that way because they are bad, but because they have nothing worth trying for. Im not saying I cant be flexible on age, or even that it has to be one of the kids I work with. I know you want to be a dad to little ones, but what is wrong with 6 or 7? What If my condition prevents us from EVER having a baby? will you change your mind?
I want to celebrate christmas. I realize we are not christian, but I want to and have always wanted to. I want so much to put up a tree and sing christmas carols, and go to christmas plays, and wake up on christmas morning that It hurts. Every year it hurts more. I KNOW you feel the same, and have since you were little. But, you say that your family would never understand. Why cant you see that I am your family too?
I want a day, just one, where I dont feel like I am under your thumb. Where I dont feel obligated to give in to your insane neediness and constantly rub your shoulders or cuddle. I need space. I want one day where I can purchase something small without getting the third degree. We are very comfortable, and I work too and feel I should have the freedom to purchase these things without explaining myself. I also wish I could have a day where you did not constantly comment on my salary or the fact that I love what I do and dont have plans to make more money in the future. You call it having no goals. I call it contentment. I have lots of goals- you just dont share any of them.
I am not happy. But, I love you. I dont know what I should do.
~*~

Want a turn to share?  Email me at ricracandpompoms @ gmail.com. 
Feel free to comment and encourage or just relate and assure.

working. thinking. pondering.

 well the short story is that the realtor assessed our home at a pretty good price (which we like) but then he recommended that we sell it at a significantly less price (which we are not a fan of).  
so we are trying to decide what to do from here...do we scrap the idea and just resolve to live here for another six months, year, two years? and do all the projects that we would love to do here.  do we list it for sale at the price we would want to get for it?

it seems like an enormous decision...that i don't feel at all qualified to make.  but the good news is, that either way, i feel ok about it.  whichever decision we make will be a good one.  but as i have told my husband, moving, at this point, would be a lot less work, and maybe cheaper too...because i have big plans for making this house work its hardest for us.  

so we shall see...
in the mean time, i am working away on some new things for the shop...a couple of wreaths, a cute canvas and some red fur valentine hoho's.  :)

we are just praying for God's will to become apparent to us...and we are asking a lot of questions to everyone we know...like, do you owe a realtor money if your house doesn't sell?  how hard is it to install a new backyard fence? (eric you want to come down for a weekend to help with that one? :) how hard is tile to lay?  etc...

more waiting and pondering...but this time with a lot less emotion attached. :)

mantle love.

we are still waiting to hear from the realtor...

so i thought i would distract myself with a totally unrelated blog post...

did you know...we take down our Christmas goodies on the day after Christmas.  I am always so ready to get my house back...to set my focus on spring and forge ahead into the new year with a fresh, clean house.  

here is my new mantle...a la etsy. 
frame prints are from box64 studios...a Christmas gift from my SIL.
hokies sign from go jump in the lake.
pray sign, that i ADORE, is from burley girl designs.
bunting by me.
clock from target ages ago.
jar of shells from Boca.  a place we just bought our tickets to...*swoon*.
paint color is crystal aqua from valspar...someone always asks. :) 

have you started your post holiday decorating?  do show and tell.

what i wish. num 16.

Welcome to "What I wish I could tell you"...an anonymous platform for bloggers to share what they don't feel free to share on their own blogs.  If you have a story/thought/ache/hurt/feeling/secret/prayer request you want to get out, feel free to email me at ricracandpompoms @ gmail.com.  You will remain anonymous to all but me unless you choose otherwise. 
The author of this entry has chosen to stay anonymous.  Say hello to anon #16: 

~*~
What I wish I could tell you.....is that you have no idea how great he is. I mean, you do, because you have two other children, but in my eyes, you really do have no idea. He is everything I could have ever hoped for in a child....he's energetic, he's full of life, he's silly, he's brave, he's tenderhearted, he's so loving, he's perfect...really, he is.
I wish I could tell you that I think you are brave and I wish you could know that I really think that other than it being the "right" thing to say at that moment. To watch me walk in your hospital room, only  minutes after giving birth to him, and pick him up must have been gut wrenching, but you did just that. You watched me feed him, you watched me love on him, you watched me take my first picture with him.
I wish I could tell you that in my heart, I could never love him like you did. We watched you walk out of that hospital that day with nothing while we were taking home our miracle. I honestly think that decision you made to give him to us is more love than we could ever try to show him in our lifetime. I promise with all that is in me that I will tell him of your love and how much you loved him. We already do. And while he doesn't completely understand yet, I know that God is working on his heart so that he can understand one day.
I wish I could tell you that I adore him and love him and you could know that he feels like mine. God started working on my heart long before he was born and just because I didn't give birth to him doesn't mean I don't love him and cherish him like I did.
I wish I could tell your sister who stood at the nursery window and watched him get his first bath while we also watched that we love him. She was so skeptical of the whole thing - she didn't want to see her nephew go to another home. I understand her feelings. But I wish she could see us with him, how we love him, how we adore him, how much EVERYONE loves him, then I think she would understand your decision. I think she would finally know you made the right decision.
I wish I could tell you so much more than this. I wish I could tell you that I think of you everyday. I know we send you updates yearly on him, but when someone else reads them before you do to make sure we didn't give away "identifying information" it just doesn't seem as real or heartfelt. We love you and are have been so blessed by your decision.
Thank you, thank you, thank you. There is nothing I could do to ever tell you enough or show you enough how much your decision means to ALL of us.
~*~

Want a turn to share?  Email me at ricracandpompoms @ gmail.com. 
Feel free to comment and encourage or just relate and assure.

devastation.

You know...I hesitated a lot to share this.  

Only because so many times on this journey I am on, I have shared, only to be scolded about how ungrateful I am...how un -God glorifying I am.  I don't believe those things about myself...but it causes just enough of a sting to make me wince.   

But you know what? This is my journey...and to me...documenting the trail is just as important as the end result to me.  I want to be able to trace my finger along the path that God has taken me once we get to that "Ah-ha!" moment.  

Yesterday we found out that a position we were hoping Doug would get was given to someone else.  It was a position that would have taken us home.  HOME.  And it was ripped right out from under us.  My chest was tight for the rest of the day.  I cried and grieved for hours.  It was and is SO painful to know that we will continue to be trapped here in Cville for who knows how long.  I truly hate this place.  It is a painful, ugly reminder to me of so many hurts at this point.  So many rejections and so much pain.  I can't wait to leave this place in the rear view mirror forever. 
But now I have no idea when that will be.  

While I struggle to understand the point of it all...I KNOW that God has a plan for us.  Even among the tears I am hearing the small whisper that is telling us to "wait".  I KNOW that there is something good waiting for us.  And now we have to figure out what to do in the meantime. 

Do we put our house on the market and then rent a house to make ourselves more mobile?
Do we stay at a church that we are OK with but our children LOVE? 

I honestly don't think I have it in me to start again at a new church.  Even though there are things that bother me about the church that we are at...I feel like those things are things that we will find at any church we visit in this area.  I think they many be Cville things.  

I honestly don't know how I can continue from one day to the next here.  It's a struggle that I can't explain...I think you would have to have been in a similar position to know what it is like to be stuck somewhere that you don't belong.  I don't feel abandoned by God...I don't feel forgotten.  I know that He has carried me this far and that He will continue to do so.  

It is just the unknown that hurts.  
The longing for close friends.  The need to feel loved by my pastor.  The want to be part of a community and not shut out by closed groups of people.  The want to be with people who put faith in action.  

I told Doug yesterday that I am beyond empty.  
I am so far below the "E" mark that I can't even see it anymore.  
And I see no near filling station.     

I am just praying that the bottom is near so that we can begin the climb out and up.  

For now I am trying to focus on Christmas...and the great news that brings.  I am trying to be merry for my children so that their lives are not effected by my struggle.

For now, I remind myself that God is in control...that He has a plan...that He is trying to get me where He wants me...

For now I recite Psalm 27:14
Wait with hope for the LORD. 
Be strong, and let your heart be courageous. 
Yes, wait with hope for the LORD.

what i wish. num 15.

Welcome to "What I wish I could tell you"...an anonymous platform for bloggers to share what they don't feel free to share on their own blogs.  If you have a story/thought/ache/hurt/feeling/secret/prayer request you want to get out, feel free to email me at ricracandpompoms @ gmail.com.  You will remain anonymous to all but me unless you choose otherwise. 
The author of this entry has chosen to stay anonymous.  Say hello to anon #15: 

~*~
I wish I could tell you that, sometimes, I question who you are. Sometimes, I wish I had made a different decision seven years ago.

I am still so in love with that eighteen year old boy who was so full of faith and drive and potential. I don't see that faith anymore. It makes me so sad that that part of you seems to have disappeared. I don't know if your education has challenged it or if you simply have grown away from it. I wish I could tell you, it seems like you have lost part of yourself.

You are brilliant. You are the smartest person I know, but in so many ways, you are foolish. You take all of us for granted. You have a wife who loves you more than you will ever know and three beautiful daughters who think you are the most amazing thing in the world. But, you are too busy. Too busy with work and finding time for yourself to see that we are all just waiting. Just sitting here waiting to be important to you again. Your girls are growing so fast. They are learning so much everyday and getting so big.

I wish I could tell you how amazing they are. Your girls. They are so full of life and wonder. I see it being crushed in them, though. Not just by you, by me, too. I am getting burnt out doing so much of this on my own. I wish I could tell you that I pray that they don't marry men like you. I pray they find men who love them just as they are. Just as God made them. Men who will love them and show them they love them.

I wish I could tell you how much I still hurt over the baby we lost. How much I question if I did something to cause that loss.

I wish I could tell you how isolated I am here. We are finally close to family and, because of you, I am more alone than ever.

I am not perfect. There is no question in my mind about that. I loose my temper, I get upset, I make mistakes. I know I do, you are quick to point them out. Not all of our problems are your fault. I bring my own basket of crazy to the table. I wish I could tell you, though, that when you think I am mad, I am usually just sad and hurt. I wish you knew how much I hate for you to see me vulnerable. Even after all this time and all we've been through.

I wish I could tell you the world is not black and white. No matter how badly you want it to be that way. There are not always clear rights and wrongs. You have to accept the shades of gray.

Most of all, I wish I could tell you how much I miss you. I miss being happy with you. I miss holding your hand. I miss feeling loved by you.
~*~

Want a turn to share?  Email me at ricracandpompoms @ gmail.com. 
Feel free to comment and encourage or just relate and assure.
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