what i wish. num 15.

Welcome to "What I wish I could tell you"...an anonymous platform for bloggers to share what they don't feel free to share on their own blogs.  If you have a story/thought/ache/hurt/feeling/secret/prayer request you want to get out, feel free to email me at ricracandpompoms @ gmail.com.  You will remain anonymous to all but me unless you choose otherwise. 
The author of this entry has chosen to stay anonymous.  Say hello to anon #15: 

I wish I could tell you that, sometimes, I question who you are. Sometimes, I wish I had made a different decision seven years ago.

I am still so in love with that eighteen year old boy who was so full of faith and drive and potential. I don't see that faith anymore. It makes me so sad that that part of you seems to have disappeared. I don't know if your education has challenged it or if you simply have grown away from it. I wish I could tell you, it seems like you have lost part of yourself.

You are brilliant. You are the smartest person I know, but in so many ways, you are foolish. You take all of us for granted. You have a wife who loves you more than you will ever know and three beautiful daughters who think you are the most amazing thing in the world. But, you are too busy. Too busy with work and finding time for yourself to see that we are all just waiting. Just sitting here waiting to be important to you again. Your girls are growing so fast. They are learning so much everyday and getting so big.

I wish I could tell you how amazing they are. Your girls. They are so full of life and wonder. I see it being crushed in them, though. Not just by you, by me, too. I am getting burnt out doing so much of this on my own. I wish I could tell you that I pray that they don't marry men like you. I pray they find men who love them just as they are. Just as God made them. Men who will love them and show them they love them.

I wish I could tell you how much I still hurt over the baby we lost. How much I question if I did something to cause that loss.

I wish I could tell you how isolated I am here. We are finally close to family and, because of you, I am more alone than ever.

I am not perfect. There is no question in my mind about that. I loose my temper, I get upset, I make mistakes. I know I do, you are quick to point them out. Not all of our problems are your fault. I bring my own basket of crazy to the table. I wish I could tell you, though, that when you think I am mad, I am usually just sad and hurt. I wish you knew how much I hate for you to see me vulnerable. Even after all this time and all we've been through.

I wish I could tell you the world is not black and white. No matter how badly you want it to be that way. There are not always clear rights and wrongs. You have to accept the shades of gray.

Most of all, I wish I could tell you how much I miss you. I miss being happy with you. I miss holding your hand. I miss feeling loved by you.

Want a turn to share?  Email me at ricracandpompoms @ gmail.com. 
Feel free to comment and encourage or just relate and assure.

button Christmas tree art.

 Today's craft will have to be done over two days...day one you make the tree and day two you assemble it...total time to make it doesn't take that long you just have to wait for glue to dry. :)

 Some things you will need:
cardboard triangle and size or shape you would like
frame that is bigger than your tree shape
piece of fabric cut to fit your frame with iron-on backing ironed on
glue (white and hot)
embroidery thread
 I started by covering my cardboard tree shape with glue, any thick white glue would work.
 Then I had Moses (and Doug) cover the glue with buttons...adding more glue when necessary.  I did mostly green but you could do any number of color combos.
 When the triangle was covered and the glue was dry enough...I added a coat of mod-podge and covered it with glitter.  I let it dry over night at this point.
 Then, I got Moses to write "joy" for me...and traced it onto my fabric using embroidery tracing paper...then stitched over that in red.
 I assembled my frame by first hot gluing the fabric into the frame...then adding the glass then the frame backing...then using more hot glue, I glued the tree in place. 
 A cute cooperative effort...if I do day so myself. :)

 You could also stop with the tree and add a ribbon to hang it as an ornament.  I think it would make a great little gift for a teacher or relative.

Happy crafting!

snowman pops.

I found today's craft on Flexible Dreams. 
I thought they would be a good treat for Moses to take as a gift for his friends at school...and who doesn't like to play with food?
 You will need:
large marshmallows
wooden skewers
black frosting or brown 
(in a tube with a tip-I had wanted to use an edible pen but couldn't find just one)
oreos minus the cream
orange tic tac or orange icing for nose
fruit tape
stick pretzels
 Moses' job was to skewer the marshmallows...three on a stick.
then...using the frosting as "glue"...stick an oreo lid on top of the snowman
...then "glue" a rolo on top of that
...stick pretzels in for arms
...cut a 6-7in piece of fruit tape in half lengthwise and wrap around as a scarf
...add eyes, mouth and buttons on...add nose.  and done.
 A little tip for you...in order to let things dry standing up, I taped two empty cereal boxes together and poked holes all the way through with a knife, then stuck a skewer in each hole.
I think these would be super cute for a kids Christmas party...or birthday party. :)

Cute, happy, fun and easy. 


baby Jesus envy.

 Today's craft is brought to you today by my baby Jesus envy. 
Several of my friends on facebook have children that go to the same preschool as Moses but have different teachers.  All of their children got to make these adorable baby Jesus' in class...and I was totally jealous.  Until I realized that we could make our own.  
We started by reading a story about baby Jesus.   
 Here is how we did it...first I used some heavy muslin fabric and sewed a simple peg shape (rectangle with a rounded top...I left the bottom open, turned it right side up and let the boys stuff their babies with filling.  Then I sewed the bottom closed.
 I think the ones at the preschool were made by using a pantyhose filled and tied off...but for some reason the idea of using a pantyhose completely weirded me out.  But you could do it that way if you are more normal than I am and don't want to sew a stitch.

 Then I let Moses draw a face and some hair on his.  Be sure to check on a scrap of fabric to see if your marker will bleed...I used sharpies and had no problem.
Then cover a small box with brown paper...make sure your Jesus can fit inside.
 Then we shredded some yellow construction paper for hay.
 Then cut a square out of chenille...you can use any fabric you have...to wrap Him up in.
 The boys REALLY loved doing this craft.
Neither Hoho nor baby Jesus have ever been so cute.


make these now! handprint snowman ornament. :)

 I'm trying to be a good mom this week and do a bunch of Christmas crafts with the boys...I'm hoping to have the turn out well enough to share here...so you can join in the fun. :) I promise they will all be EASY and not take too much time. :)

First up are these adorable five finger snowmen.  I found the tutorial over on Full of Great Ideas and thought they were ADORABLE and perfect for my boys age.
 Here is what you need...plus one black and one orange sharpie.  My snowman making technique is a little different than the original tutorial. :)  
white acrylic craft paint
sponge brush
round ornaments (i used glass ones from Target)
egg carton for drying
 I painted each boys right hand...
 ...then placed the ornament in the palm of their hand...then told them to hold it like a ball for one second then open their hand back up.  They did it perfectly with no problem...even hoho. :)
 Repeat with all of your ornaments and children.  A little tip...if you are doing two children...maybe do the left hand of one and right hand of the other...makes it a little easier to keep track of tiny hands. :) 
 Once the paint is dry...go back in and add your snowman details. :)
 They all end up being cute...no matter how wonky. :)
 Event the thumb. :)
 Be sure to write the name and year on the bottom.
 Cute. Cute. Cute.
 Some of hoho's snowmen were a little wispy...but still cute.
 Add a ribbon...
Add a ribbon and hang or give. :) We are giving one to each of Moses' teachers.

Have fun! Be sure to tell me if you try these so I can come see. :) 


the perfect gift.

My love language is gifts.  Do you know what yours is? You can go HERE to take a test and find out...and if you haven't read the book, I highly recommend it...it is a great resource for learning how to best show others that you care about them by loving on them in a way that makes THEM feel loved.  It really is one of those "change your life" kind of books.  

Anyway...since gifts is my love language...I kind of delight in finding the PERFECT gift for someone.  Something that I KNOW they will love...I am usually pretty good at it (I think)...but ironically I am pretty bad about finding that perfect gift for my own husband...I think that is because his perfect gift usually involves ginormous TV's or Yankee's season tickets... 

But back to my point...when I found out that you could personalize a Flip camera with a photo of your own...I KNEW just who would LOVE one, and would never buy one for themselves.  I can hardly stand the wait to give it to the lucky recipient.  Lucky for me we will have to give it to him this week because we won't see him again until after Christmas.

This gift is for our Uncle B...and it is perfect for him because 1) he is always taking footage of our boys...with a video camera that is old enough to kill someone with...and 2)he LOVES my boys.  I am not so secretly hoping that he will shed some man tears over it...but I won't need to see the to know that he will LOVE this gift. :) 

Have you ever been given a perfect gift?  What was it?

20 minute crafter. Christmas t-shirt inspiration.

 Moses requested a Christmas shirt...one with a tree and a star to be exact...
 Using the method from this 20 minute crafter...this is what I came up with.  The only difference was that instead of using a single piece of fabric I actually sewed some strips together in a wonky style before I used the iron on backing and cut out my shape.
 Of course hoho had to have one too...and Moses says he will only wear his to school.  Oy.

The shirts are from Old Navy for about $4. :) 

Happy crafting!

what i wish. num 14.

Welcome to "What I wish I could tell you"...an anonymous platform for bloggers to share what they don't feel free to share on their own blogs.  If you have a story/thought/ache/hurt/feeling/secret/prayer request you want to get out, feel free to email me at ricracandpompoms @ gmail.com.  You will remain anonymous to all but me unless you choose otherwise. 
The author of this entry has chosen to stay anonymous.  Say hello to anon #14: 

I wish I could tell you how miserable you make me feel when we're out and you can't take your eyes off of that beautiful woman. How it hurts me, and it never goes away. How each and every time you do it I crumble.

I wish I could tell you that email I found, that you wrote to that woman saying she was gorgeous, nearly killed me. And, every time you look longingly at another woman I think of that email. Yes, I said I forgave you for that, but it never goes away. I wish I could tell you how it makes me feel that you would tell another woman, which you have never met in person, that she is gorgeous, and you have never said anything remotely close to that to me. I wish I could tell you that every time you do that I wish I would have ended the relationship before we ever married and had kids.

I wish I could tell you that I hate so much that I feel this way. I don't want to feel like this. I wish it didn't bother me so much that you do this.

I wish I could tell you that I have never felt so inadequate, so stupid, and so ugly, until I married you. I wish that for just one day I could feel like I was as beautiful in your eyes as those other women you stare at. I wish that for just one day I could be half as intelligent as you are, and that you wouldn't argue with or tell me how wrong I am for each and everything I say. I wish I could tell you how worthless you make me feel.

But what I wish I could tell you most of all, is that I love you, and if it were not for these wonderful children we have together I would just leave and never look back. 

Want a turn to share?  Email me at ricracandpompoms @ gmail.com. 
Feel free to comment and encourage or just relate and assure.

curtains take two.

 All this waiting has spurred me to get a lot of projects done that I have been meaning to do...much like nesting to a pregnant woman (i am NOT pregnant)...the anticipation of something to get ready for has me in a tizzy...lots of things are finally getting done...these curtains for example.
 You might remember me making some similar ones for my dining room...you can read about them HERE...and learn how to make them there too.
 And...these photos do them little justice...it's tough to get a good photo in the room they are hanging it since there is only one window...
 All the fabrics are from Hawthorne Threads.  I did a search for damask, red and aqua and chose a few fabrics based on the results.
 You can do these...if you look at my little how-to you will see that there is NO tricky sewing involved...and I cut the curtains on the seam making an instant straight line.

And these little guys will be heading to the shop tomorrow...after they are a little more glittered and tinseled up...and after much consideration I decided to have a cyber Monday sale. 

Starting at midnight tonight everything will be Buy One, Get One 50% off.  
50% off comes off of the cheaper item...does not apply to shipping.  Unlimited to how many items you get...buy two full price, get two 50% off.  Does not apply to custom listings that are not already in the shop...
Tomorrow only. :) 

Happy Sunday!

what i wish. num 13.

Welcome to "What I wish I could tell you"...an anonymous platform for bloggers to share what they don't feel free to share on their own blogs.  If you have a story/thought/ache/hurt/feeling/secret/prayer request you want to get out, feel free to email me at ricracandpompoms @ gmail.com.  You will remain anonymous to all but me unless you choose otherwise. 
The author of this entry has chosen to stay anonymous.  Say hello to anon #13: 

Letter 1 to Friend 1

Dear Friend 1 I wish I could tell you how I really feel lately, 
We have been friends for 12 years.  We grew up together.  We used to be able to talk on the phone for hours baring our souls to each other.  I graduated and it all changed.  We kept in touch, but you moved an hour away and apparently that was too far for either of us to travel often to visit.  You were a Maid-of-Honor in my wedding, where did that friendship go?   Our friendship started to decline then and there.  You dated guy after guy whom I knew were not good for you.  I watched you become a chameleon changing into whatever that guy wanted you to be.  The last guy you dated was the worst and I so badly wanted to tell you how horrible he was, but you were blind and you would have shut me down.  Years later you commented that what good are friends if we can't be honest with each other, you admitted that you were not ready for honesty back then.  
Flash forward to last year.  You got engaged and asked me to be your Matron-of-Honor.  Despite the 1 hour time difference and 930+ miles between us I did everything I could to be there for you.  When you called to pour out your heart about a concern in your relationship, I understood because I had been there.  But I know you must have shared with him that you told me, because after that it was sugar coated and everything turned perfect.  Knowing the issue I knew it never goes away that quickly--you had been silenced.  It was then that our relationship started to go in reverse.  The phone calls fewer and fewer, the conversations more shallow.  Suddenly I realized our friendship was more of an acquaintanceship.  My heart is saddened.  Come back to me.  Come back and let us grow as Christ wants us to.  God created community so that no one would be alone.  A picture perfect appearance to life is no good if there is no one in the picture with you.  I've been reaching out to you, but it feels hopeless.  My heart is heavy because I miss you.  12 years.  This can not be the end.  I want you to know it's okay for things to be rough and for you to confide in me.

Letter 2 to Friend 2
Dear Friend 2 what I wish I could tell you is that, 
Friend 1 introduced us.  We have been friends for about 10 years.  It wasn't until after high school that our friendship blossomed.  You were a bridesmaid in my wedding.  You called for relationship advice and when I didn't know the answer I got a male perspective from my husband, which you said you were so grateful for.  You have had tragic things happen in your life.  You've lost loved ones, you've been lied to, you gave years to a man who changed his mind and married someone else.  I can't fathom the hurt that you still deal with.  It's not fair.  I want you to meet someone, I want you to get married, and have babies, and accomplish all the dreams you have for yourself.  You need help though.  I can't tell you this because you will shut down and recoil back into your shell that you have so neatly placed around your heart.  You need therapy to work through all the issues that have hurt you.  I wish I could be that person who opened up to like you used to, but I realize now that I am not equipped to help you the way you need.  I can only imagine how hard it is to see love in others when all your previous examples failed.  I saw how you acted at Friend 1's wedding, how sad and withdrawn you were.  I know you didn't mean for me to see it.  It was obvious to me that you were sad that your own mother will never be there for your day.  I know that you so badly want the partner God so carefully picked out for you.  I saw you were hurt and yet I couldn't comfort you, because you were in denial.  I pray for you, I pray for the friendship we once had where I would listen and you would pour out your heart to me.  I want better for you, but you don't think you deserve it.  Why must you keep everyone out?  I was told that I made a joke that hurt you and I didn't even realize it.  I apologized and I asked that if I ever do it again please tell me then and there so that I can realize how I hurt you and take it back so that it doesn't fester in your heart.  Your passivity is not helping, you must tell me before I forget what was said.  I need to do the same with you too.  You have hurt me with your own words, but because I knew you were joking I let it slide.  The jokes weren't funny to me, but I let it slide because I knew you would never mean to say something so hurtful.  I don't want to start over with you, I don't want to go back to small talk, I want to slip back into our comfort zone where we each felt safe.  Please come back to me so that we can grow together as friends the way God the Father intended.

Letter 3 to Friend 3

Dear Friend 3 what I wish I could tell you, 
I have been friends with you for 12 years.  You became friends with Friend 1 & 2 through me in high school.  You were my bridesmaid and I am about to be yours, but during college our friendship drifted.  You liked to party and had everything given to you, I worked full time and paid for my own school.  You dated guys and participated in activities I didn't support, but I was still there for you.  After college your friendship with Friend 2 blossomed even more, when you started to work together.  I couldn't be happier to have all 3 of my friends as best friends to each other.  But you still partied.  I can't recall hanging out with you any place other than a bar for years.  I was frustrated as I watched you drink yourself drunk each and every time we were together.  Was I boring to you?  I was told by Friend 1 when you were invited to her wedding that I make sure you didn't get drunk at the reception.  I watched you, but inevitable you drank more than your fair share.  A few months later you asked me if I had a problem with your drinking and I couldn't be honest because you  were so angry with me.  You said I told a stranger that you had a drinking problem which wasn't true.  I realized later it must have been Friend 2 who said this, because she knew about Friend 1's request at the wedding.  All of a sudden I am a bad guy because I tried to help Friend 1 on HER day.  I do think you drink too much.  There I have really said it now.  I'm about to be in your wedding and I ask you all the time how can I help.  You never want my help.  I live the closest.  You ask the people who live the farthest away to help you.  Why do you want me in your wedding?  You have confided in all of us that you have a problem taking things personally.  That makes me scared to ever share my heart with you.  The last time I did you lashed out at me.  You spoke rashly and hurtfully and now I am pulling back.  I have watched your start your walk again and I am so excited for this!  I want your wedding to be all that you want it to be, but it will never meet your expectations if you continually compare it to everyone elses.  Please let me help you, let me be the friend I've been trying to be.  I want to be your friend, plain and simple.

Letter 4 to all of them.
Dear Friends what I wish I could tell you is that I've written each of you individually and now I must address the situation as a whole, except I can't.  I can't tell you how you have really hurt me over the years.  I am a friend who takes a beating and comes crawling back because I hope you will all change.  In your defense, occasionally, you do change for a short period of time and I feel comfortable again.  Inevitably you take pieces of me and use them as ways to make fun of me.  I'm done laughing.  I'm done letting you tear me down instead of build me up.  I have worked so hard not to step on your toes for fear of how you will react, but I am tired of working so hard by myself.
What I really wish I could tell you is that I'm 10 weeks pregnant, or I was, until Saturday.  I had a miscarriage and I couldn't tell you.  You knew we were trying, but instead of being excited for us you laughed at us for planning.  You chastised me for reading books about planning to get pregnant and preparing my body for a baby.  My husband saw my hurt and couldn't believe how my "sisters" of 10+ years could be so cold.   I used to think my kids would call you Aunts and that maybe one of you would be a God-Parent to my children, but the thought of that now puts a horrible taste in my mouth.  I want to tell you that I was pregnant and I want you to realize that it was the most exciting thing in my life.  We will never all be on the same page again in our lives.  This isn't highschool anymore and I know you are newly weds, newly engaged, and single, but you must realize that I've been married for 6-1/2 years and that we waited to have kids until now.  We have been planning and praying about this for a year despite only telling you 6 months ago. Your reaction to our planning made me realize you weren't ready to share this journey with me.  The fact that we aren't all in the same stage of life is something that we should be excited about.  We can all learn from each other!  What I really want to say to you is that as much as I miss our high school friendship and the ease that came with it, I truly miss the potential our friendships could have now if you would let them, no matter how dirty they may get.  I will be moving further away from all of you in less than a year and if distance is what we need, so be it.  I pray though that at some point you'll understand what we were and what we are now and what God intended this to be.  Thank you for the great years, I really honestly wish you all the best.  I hope someday I can write you a letter thanking you for the amazing friendships you've blessed me with.  I hope that by the time we get to start trying again that you will be excited for us.  I hope someday you'll  understand.

Want a turn to share?  Email me at ricracandpompoms @ gmail.com. 
Feel free to comment and encourage or just relate and assure.
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