20 minute crafter. Christmas t-shirt inspiration.

 Moses requested a Christmas shirt...one with a tree and a star to be exact...
 Using the method from this 20 minute crafter...this is what I came up with.  The only difference was that instead of using a single piece of fabric I actually sewed some strips together in a wonky style before I used the iron on backing and cut out my shape.
 Of course hoho had to have one too...and Moses says he will only wear his to school.  Oy.

The shirts are from Old Navy for about $4. :) 

Happy crafting!

what i wish. num 14.

Welcome to "What I wish I could tell you"...an anonymous platform for bloggers to share what they don't feel free to share on their own blogs.  If you have a story/thought/ache/hurt/feeling/secret/prayer request you want to get out, feel free to email me at ricracandpompoms @ gmail.com.  You will remain anonymous to all but me unless you choose otherwise. 
The author of this entry has chosen to stay anonymous.  Say hello to anon #14: 

~*~
I wish I could tell you how miserable you make me feel when we're out and you can't take your eyes off of that beautiful woman. How it hurts me, and it never goes away. How each and every time you do it I crumble.

I wish I could tell you that email I found, that you wrote to that woman saying she was gorgeous, nearly killed me. And, every time you look longingly at another woman I think of that email. Yes, I said I forgave you for that, but it never goes away. I wish I could tell you how it makes me feel that you would tell another woman, which you have never met in person, that she is gorgeous, and you have never said anything remotely close to that to me. I wish I could tell you that every time you do that I wish I would have ended the relationship before we ever married and had kids.

I wish I could tell you that I hate so much that I feel this way. I don't want to feel like this. I wish it didn't bother me so much that you do this.

I wish I could tell you that I have never felt so inadequate, so stupid, and so ugly, until I married you. I wish that for just one day I could feel like I was as beautiful in your eyes as those other women you stare at. I wish that for just one day I could be half as intelligent as you are, and that you wouldn't argue with or tell me how wrong I am for each and everything I say. I wish I could tell you how worthless you make me feel.

But what I wish I could tell you most of all, is that I love you, and if it were not for these wonderful children we have together I would just leave and never look back. 
~*~

Want a turn to share?  Email me at ricracandpompoms @ gmail.com. 
Feel free to comment and encourage or just relate and assure.

curtains take two.

 All this waiting has spurred me to get a lot of projects done that I have been meaning to do...much like nesting to a pregnant woman (i am NOT pregnant)...the anticipation of something to get ready for has me in a tizzy...lots of things are finally getting done...these curtains for example.
 You might remember me making some similar ones for my dining room...you can read about them HERE...and learn how to make them there too.
 And...these photos do them little justice...it's tough to get a good photo in the room they are hanging it since there is only one window...
 All the fabrics are from Hawthorne Threads.  I did a search for damask, red and aqua and chose a few fabrics based on the results.
 You can do these...if you look at my little how-to you will see that there is NO tricky sewing involved...and I cut the curtains on the seam making an instant straight line.

And these little guys will be heading to the shop tomorrow...after they are a little more glittered and tinseled up...and after much consideration I decided to have a cyber Monday sale. 

Starting at midnight tonight everything will be Buy One, Get One 50% off.  
50% off comes off of the cheaper item...does not apply to shipping.  Unlimited to how many items you get...buy two full price, get two 50% off.  Does not apply to custom listings that are not already in the shop...
Tomorrow only. :) 

Happy Sunday!

what i wish. num 13.

Welcome to "What I wish I could tell you"...an anonymous platform for bloggers to share what they don't feel free to share on their own blogs.  If you have a story/thought/ache/hurt/feeling/secret/prayer request you want to get out, feel free to email me at ricracandpompoms @ gmail.com.  You will remain anonymous to all but me unless you choose otherwise. 
The author of this entry has chosen to stay anonymous.  Say hello to anon #13: 

~*~
Letter 1 to Friend 1

Dear Friend 1 I wish I could tell you how I really feel lately, 
We have been friends for 12 years.  We grew up together.  We used to be able to talk on the phone for hours baring our souls to each other.  I graduated and it all changed.  We kept in touch, but you moved an hour away and apparently that was too far for either of us to travel often to visit.  You were a Maid-of-Honor in my wedding, where did that friendship go?   Our friendship started to decline then and there.  You dated guy after guy whom I knew were not good for you.  I watched you become a chameleon changing into whatever that guy wanted you to be.  The last guy you dated was the worst and I so badly wanted to tell you how horrible he was, but you were blind and you would have shut me down.  Years later you commented that what good are friends if we can't be honest with each other, you admitted that you were not ready for honesty back then.  
Flash forward to last year.  You got engaged and asked me to be your Matron-of-Honor.  Despite the 1 hour time difference and 930+ miles between us I did everything I could to be there for you.  When you called to pour out your heart about a concern in your relationship, I understood because I had been there.  But I know you must have shared with him that you told me, because after that it was sugar coated and everything turned perfect.  Knowing the issue I knew it never goes away that quickly--you had been silenced.  It was then that our relationship started to go in reverse.  The phone calls fewer and fewer, the conversations more shallow.  Suddenly I realized our friendship was more of an acquaintanceship.  My heart is saddened.  Come back to me.  Come back and let us grow as Christ wants us to.  God created community so that no one would be alone.  A picture perfect appearance to life is no good if there is no one in the picture with you.  I've been reaching out to you, but it feels hopeless.  My heart is heavy because I miss you.  12 years.  This can not be the end.  I want you to know it's okay for things to be rough and for you to confide in me.


Letter 2 to Friend 2
Dear Friend 2 what I wish I could tell you is that, 
Friend 1 introduced us.  We have been friends for about 10 years.  It wasn't until after high school that our friendship blossomed.  You were a bridesmaid in my wedding.  You called for relationship advice and when I didn't know the answer I got a male perspective from my husband, which you said you were so grateful for.  You have had tragic things happen in your life.  You've lost loved ones, you've been lied to, you gave years to a man who changed his mind and married someone else.  I can't fathom the hurt that you still deal with.  It's not fair.  I want you to meet someone, I want you to get married, and have babies, and accomplish all the dreams you have for yourself.  You need help though.  I can't tell you this because you will shut down and recoil back into your shell that you have so neatly placed around your heart.  You need therapy to work through all the issues that have hurt you.  I wish I could be that person who opened up to like you used to, but I realize now that I am not equipped to help you the way you need.  I can only imagine how hard it is to see love in others when all your previous examples failed.  I saw how you acted at Friend 1's wedding, how sad and withdrawn you were.  I know you didn't mean for me to see it.  It was obvious to me that you were sad that your own mother will never be there for your day.  I know that you so badly want the partner God so carefully picked out for you.  I saw you were hurt and yet I couldn't comfort you, because you were in denial.  I pray for you, I pray for the friendship we once had where I would listen and you would pour out your heart to me.  I want better for you, but you don't think you deserve it.  Why must you keep everyone out?  I was told that I made a joke that hurt you and I didn't even realize it.  I apologized and I asked that if I ever do it again please tell me then and there so that I can realize how I hurt you and take it back so that it doesn't fester in your heart.  Your passivity is not helping, you must tell me before I forget what was said.  I need to do the same with you too.  You have hurt me with your own words, but because I knew you were joking I let it slide.  The jokes weren't funny to me, but I let it slide because I knew you would never mean to say something so hurtful.  I don't want to start over with you, I don't want to go back to small talk, I want to slip back into our comfort zone where we each felt safe.  Please come back to me so that we can grow together as friends the way God the Father intended.

Letter 3 to Friend 3

Dear Friend 3 what I wish I could tell you, 
I have been friends with you for 12 years.  You became friends with Friend 1 & 2 through me in high school.  You were my bridesmaid and I am about to be yours, but during college our friendship drifted.  You liked to party and had everything given to you, I worked full time and paid for my own school.  You dated guys and participated in activities I didn't support, but I was still there for you.  After college your friendship with Friend 2 blossomed even more, when you started to work together.  I couldn't be happier to have all 3 of my friends as best friends to each other.  But you still partied.  I can't recall hanging out with you any place other than a bar for years.  I was frustrated as I watched you drink yourself drunk each and every time we were together.  Was I boring to you?  I was told by Friend 1 when you were invited to her wedding that I make sure you didn't get drunk at the reception.  I watched you, but inevitable you drank more than your fair share.  A few months later you asked me if I had a problem with your drinking and I couldn't be honest because you  were so angry with me.  You said I told a stranger that you had a drinking problem which wasn't true.  I realized later it must have been Friend 2 who said this, because she knew about Friend 1's request at the wedding.  All of a sudden I am a bad guy because I tried to help Friend 1 on HER day.  I do think you drink too much.  There I have really said it now.  I'm about to be in your wedding and I ask you all the time how can I help.  You never want my help.  I live the closest.  You ask the people who live the farthest away to help you.  Why do you want me in your wedding?  You have confided in all of us that you have a problem taking things personally.  That makes me scared to ever share my heart with you.  The last time I did you lashed out at me.  You spoke rashly and hurtfully and now I am pulling back.  I have watched your start your walk again and I am so excited for this!  I want your wedding to be all that you want it to be, but it will never meet your expectations if you continually compare it to everyone elses.  Please let me help you, let me be the friend I've been trying to be.  I want to be your friend, plain and simple.

Letter 4 to all of them.
Dear Friends what I wish I could tell you is that I've written each of you individually and now I must address the situation as a whole, except I can't.  I can't tell you how you have really hurt me over the years.  I am a friend who takes a beating and comes crawling back because I hope you will all change.  In your defense, occasionally, you do change for a short period of time and I feel comfortable again.  Inevitably you take pieces of me and use them as ways to make fun of me.  I'm done laughing.  I'm done letting you tear me down instead of build me up.  I have worked so hard not to step on your toes for fear of how you will react, but I am tired of working so hard by myself.
What I really wish I could tell you is that I'm 10 weeks pregnant, or I was, until Saturday.  I had a miscarriage and I couldn't tell you.  You knew we were trying, but instead of being excited for us you laughed at us for planning.  You chastised me for reading books about planning to get pregnant and preparing my body for a baby.  My husband saw my hurt and couldn't believe how my "sisters" of 10+ years could be so cold.   I used to think my kids would call you Aunts and that maybe one of you would be a God-Parent to my children, but the thought of that now puts a horrible taste in my mouth.  I want to tell you that I was pregnant and I want you to realize that it was the most exciting thing in my life.  We will never all be on the same page again in our lives.  This isn't highschool anymore and I know you are newly weds, newly engaged, and single, but you must realize that I've been married for 6-1/2 years and that we waited to have kids until now.  We have been planning and praying about this for a year despite only telling you 6 months ago. Your reaction to our planning made me realize you weren't ready to share this journey with me.  The fact that we aren't all in the same stage of life is something that we should be excited about.  We can all learn from each other!  What I really want to say to you is that as much as I miss our high school friendship and the ease that came with it, I truly miss the potential our friendships could have now if you would let them, no matter how dirty they may get.  I will be moving further away from all of you in less than a year and if distance is what we need, so be it.  I pray though that at some point you'll understand what we were and what we are now and what God intended this to be.  Thank you for the great years, I really honestly wish you all the best.  I hope someday I can write you a letter thanking you for the amazing friendships you've blessed me with.  I hope that by the time we get to start trying again that you will be excited for us.  I hope someday you'll  understand.
~*~

Want a turn to share?  Email me at ricracandpompoms @ gmail.com. 
Feel free to comment and encourage or just relate and assure.

christmas gifts you can make. :)

 I know...I have been a blogging fool lately...but I have SO much I am trying to get in...that I just have to...so just hang in there...I'm sure I will level out eventually.  For now...I thought I would share a couple of Christmas gifts I have finished up. :)  These are for my niece...
 For this first dress...I sorta used a tutorial that I found at Make it and Love it. 
By sorta I mean that I looked at it...and then did it my own way.  But the tutorial is great so use it. :)
 You are basically adding some ruffles to the bottom of a long sleeved t-shirt.  Easy and cute.
This one I made a little differently but used the same general idea...
 This one I just made a 6in wide and a 12in wide piece fabric (length depends on how much ruffle you want...2x the width of the shirt will work well)...ruffled them together and sewed them onto the bottom of the skirt.  Super easy.
 And then hair bows to match of course...
You can find a tutorial for making similar ones HERE.  
 Except I used my machine to sew it into a circle onto a piece of felt. 

And buy extra large buttons to cover HERE.

I hope she loves them...I'm always worried about being the Aunt that does this:
I will try to help with any questions in the comments. :)

what i wish. num 12.

Welcome to "What I wish I could tell you"...an anonymous platform for bloggers to share what they don't feel free to share on their own blogs.  If you have a story/thought/ache/hurt/feeling/secret/prayer request you want to get out, feel free to email me at ricracandpompoms @ gmail.com.  You will remain anonymous to all but me unless you choose otherwise. 
The author of this entry has chosen to stay anonymous.  Say hello to anon #12: 

~*~
I wish I could tell you my mother has passed away. It may not hurt as much to just have her be dead. I wish I could tell everyone my mother loved me. I wish I could say I have a great relationship with her. Instead when asked about my mom, I get a pit in my stomach. When I happen to see her on the rare occasion my heart drops to my toes. When I had my one and only child I cried for days that I didn't have a mom to show me how to be a mom and do everything just so. I wonder all the time why she doesn't love me. I wonder all the time what I did wrong. Knowing the love I have for my own son, I wonder how a mother could ever hurt her child. EVER. How could a mother ever lay her hands on her own flesh and blood.
I wish I could say I wasn't like her. I try every day to break the cycle. I live my life by her bad example. I try to be the mom she never was, and never will be. I try to not be her daughter.
I wish people could understand. I wish they could understand the reasons without me telling my whole story. I wish they would respect the choices I have made for my own life. I wish they knew I was better off without her.
While my dad has been the best stand-in mother in the world. My heart aches that I didn't have a mom to talk to about my first period. To talk to about the boys I liked. To take me wedding dress shopping. To ask breastfeeding questions to. To be there for my son as a wonderful grandma.
I wish I could tell you my mother was dead. Instead, I live with the pain of her living near, not caring, or loving me.

-anonymous
~*~

Want a turn to share?  Email me at ricracandpompoms @ gmail.com. 
Feel free to comment and encourage or just relate and assure.

define: ridiculous.

This is around the corner from my house.  
That is a duplex.  The line down the middle goes all the way down to the street.

Almost...but not quite as ridiculous as people insisting that I am not entitled 
to having and sharing my opinion on my very own blog. 

You will never read a purposely hurtful word here.  But that does not mean that I will not share my opinions.  About my life.  And my experiences.  It is after all MY blog. 

Because I share a like doesn't mean that you have to like it.

I am not a blog that tries to paint a picture that EVERYONE will love all the time.  I paint my own.  I paint a real picture because that is what I would want from others.  If I tried to avoid topics that would hurt anyone because of some individual pain then I could never talk about:
my children (because some don't have them), my husband (because some don't have great ones), my successful business, my house, my struggles, my hurt, my dreams, the fun new things I bought or the things I want, the things I make, that I want to move, that I get to stay at home, that my husband has a great job, that people hurt my feelings, that I hate where I live, that I don't want more children, that I want a craft room...I couldn't talk about my experiences or growths ever. 

It would be a pretty boring place to read and visit.  If you want that read the dictionary.

If you like real and sometimes different and sometimes the same...sometimes relate-able and sometimes not...then welcome and know that I would never intentionally be ugly.  I am accountable to too many people to ever be purposefully hurtful here. 

And I stand by my belief, that anything worth saying is worth signing your name to.  

That includes comments.  

20 minute crafter. diy pj pants.

 Ok.  Don't freak out.  Making pj pants is way easier than you think.  And it really only takes about twenty minutes from start to finish...make them from fleece to make them extra cozy. 
 You will need:
~yard of fabric (maybe less if you have a non-directional print)
~1/4 yard of fabric for the cuff if you will be adding that.
3/4in elastic (enough for your child's waist)
kraft paper or other paper suitable for pattern making
pair of pants that currently fit your child.
 Start by making a pattern piece...simply fold in half a pair of pants that fits your child...adding a half inch all the way around to allow for seams...and about an inch to the top of the waist...
 Cut out your pattern...
 Fold your fabric in half vertical to the direction of the print...line the long side of the leg pattern piece against the fold...trace and cut out...being sure to pay attention to direction of your print if you have a directional print fabric...
 Turn your pattern wrong side up and cut the inverse...now you have a piece for each leg.
 This is how I made a cuff....I estimated how thick I wanted it to be....and traced the leg of the pants I just cut out directly onto the cuff fabric...
 I laid the pant piece on top of the cuff piece and traced...I made sure that the top edge of the cuff fabric was straight.
 Then to attach I flipped the cuff fabric up...you can pin it if you want...
 Sew it down this way....
 ...then I folded it over and sewed it down this way...
 ...so I ended up with this...
 ...Lay the pieces right sides together on top of each other...and sew the front seam and back seam together...
 ...then fold so that it looks like pants again and sew the inner leg seams together...up one side of the inner lane and down the other...
 ...fold up the cuff about and inch...
 ...and hem...
 ...repeat on the other leg...
...fold down the wait and sew a pocket big enough to feed your elastic through...measure and feed your elastic through...(I measured hoho's waist and cut the elastic an inch and a half smaller than that.) then sew the pocket closed...
And you are done! :) I am making these for my boys this year instead of buying matching pj's for Christmas this year. :) 


Easy peasy and you CAN do it!
I will answer any questions in the comments. :)

what i wish. num 11.

Welcome to "What I wish I could tell you"...an anonymous platform for bloggers to share what they don't feel free to share on their own blogs.  If you have a story/thought/ache/hurt/feeling/secret/prayer request you want to get out, feel free to email me at ricracandpompoms @ gmail.com.  You will remain anonymous to all but me unless you choose otherwise. 
The author of this entry has chosen to stay anonymous.  Say hello to anon #11: 

~*~
I wish I could tell you that, sometimes, I question who you are. Sometimes, I wish I had made a different decision seven years ago.

I am still so in love with that eighteen year old boy who was so full of faith and drive and potential. I don't see that faith anymore. It makes me so sad that that part of you seems to have disappeared. I don't know if your education has challenged it or if you simply have grown away from it. I wish I could tell you, it seems like you have lost part of yourself.

You are brilliant. You are the smartest person I know, but in so many ways, you are foolish. You take all of us for granted. You have a wife who loves you more than you will ever know and three beautiful daughters who think you are the most amazing thing in the world. But, you are too busy. Too busy with work and finding time for yourself to see that we are all just waiting. Just sitting here waiting to be important to you again. Your girls are growing so fast. They are learning so much everyday and getting so big.

I wish I could tell you how amazing they are. Your girls. They are so full of life and wonder. I see it being crushed in them, though. Not just by you, by me, too. I am getting burnt out doing so much of this on my own. I wish I could tell you that I pray that they don't marry men like you. I pray they find men who love them just as they are. Just as God made them. Men who will love them and
show them they love them.

I wish I could tell you how much I still hurt over the baby we lost. How much I question if I did something to cause that loss.

I wish I could tell you how isolated I am here. We are finally close to family and, because of you, I am more alone than ever.

I am not perfect. There is no question in my mind about that. I loose my temper, I get upset, I make mistakes. I know I do, you are quick to point them out. Not all of our problems are your fault. I bring my own basket of crazy to the table. I wish I could tell you, though, that when you think I am mad, I am usually just sad and hurt. I wish you knew how much I hate for you to see me vulnerable. Even after all this time and all we've been through.

I wish I could tell you the world is not black and white. No matter how badly you want it to be that way. There are not always clear rights and wrongs. You have to accept the shades of gray.

Most of all, I wish I could tell you how much I miss you. I miss being happy with you. I miss holding your hand. I miss feeling loved by you.
~*~

Want a turn to share?  Email me at ricracandpompoms @ gmail.com. 
Feel free to comment and encourage or just relate and assure.

what i wish. num 10.

Welcome to "What I wish I could tell you"...an anonymous platform for bloggers to share what they don't feel free to share on their own blogs.  If you have a story/thought/ache/hurt/feeling/secret/prayer request you want to get out, feel free to email me at ricracandpompoms @ gmail.com.  You will remain anonymous to all but me unless you choose otherwise. 
The author of this entry has chosen to stay anonymous.  Say hello to anon #10: 

~*~
......I guess I don't really have to tell you this, because you ARE God, after all, but seriously-what the heck were you thinking?  Why was his sickness so drawn out, yet so short all at the same time?  What did any of us have to gain by watching him suffer in that horrible hell-hole at UVA for those three weeks?  In ten weeks time, this "Bigger than Life" man was living and then.....dying.   I KNOW you are Sovereign, Precious Father-but Why? wHy?  WHY?  Why did some feel so deeply that you were going to heal him here on earth and then did not see that come to pass?  What is it that you want from us, your broken and weary children?  Why HIM?  Why not the rapist or murderers sitting in prison?  Why my most precious Uncle who had way too many years ahead of him, with a new grand-baby and a little buddy to be a Popa to?  WHY?  I wasn't finished sitting on the porch.  I wasn't finished getting his rib cracking hugs.  I wasn't finished smelling deep his scent.  None of us were. Why?  wHy?  WHY? 
 
What do I say to my Aunt, who blames herself, the doctors and then herself again?  I can't argue-there's no point.  It's all  just "part of the grieving process."  BUT, what if it's not?  What if all these years of being driven by fear and anxiety, she finally caves in and believes and accepts the lies of Satan?  I want to scream at her "IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT-YOU DID ALL YOU COULD DO-CANCER SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS....."  but I can't....because I know that I need to just love her like you do--and I truly think all you want to do right now is to hold her and listen and listen and listen.....
 
Will these tears ever run dry?  Will the intensity of the ache in my heart, bones, even the breath I breathe-ever lessen?  How will I manage when it's my own father?  Or my own spouse or flesh and blood (GOD-take me instead!)? 
 
You know I am grateful for every moment ever spent with him (especially my last days, in October when I spent a week in Charlottesville)..... But you also need to know-I'm just so frustrated and broken because YOU are GOD AFTER-ALL and for UNKNOWN REASONS, you chose another road and path for him and us.  Time to show us the WHYS.  Please?  Please Dear God, PLEASE!  And while you're at it, can you take SOME of this ache away?  I hear your yoke is easy and your burden is light--must be nice.  Let me share my pain and sorrow with you.  Here ya go. 
 
And by the way-I still love ya Daddy God.  It's just I'm so-so-so......confused and broken.  I know you get me.  That's what makes you such a great Father!
 
~*~

Want a turn to share?  Email me at ricracandpompoms @ gmail.com. 
Feel free to comment and encourage or just relate and assure.

what i wish. num 9.

Welcome to "What I wish I could tell you"...an anonymous platform for bloggers to share what they don't feel free to share on their own blogs.  If you have a story/thought/ache/hurt/feeling/secret/prayer request you want to get out, feel free to email me at ricracandpompoms @ gmail.com.  You will remain anonymous to all but me unless you choose otherwise. 
The author of this entry has chosen to stay anonymous.  Say hello to anon #9: 

~*~
What I wish I could tell you ...  is that the biggest hurt in my life right now is that we have been trying unsuccessfully for over a year to get pregnant.  I wish you could know that the biggest desire of my heart is to be a mother and to experience an element of love that I can only imagine right now, and to think that God does not have this desire for my life is a pain beyond expression.  I wish that in saying this, SOMEONE would know how I feel and share honest emotions with me.  I know that I am not alone, but I am alone in my circle of relationships.

Would you tell me that God still has the best in mind for me?  Would you tell me that His love is all that I need?  Would you tell me that I can find my only true source of satisfaction in life in HIM?  These things are true, and I know them, but I somehow have not been able to let them penetrate my soul in a way that takes away the pain.

I wish I could tell you that your comments, while well-meaning (I hope), just drive a little dagger into my heart.  When you ask just how long we're going to wait to start a family, or if we EVER want to have kids, or say things like, "you'll understand when you're a mother" ... these things hurt.

I wish I could tell you that every baby shower or birthday party I go to, every picture of your precious baby, every glowing report of the next milestone they have passed, while I truly AM happy for you ... if I was honest ... I'm also a little jealous.  And I seriously wish that that wasn't true, but I am human.

I just wish that this didn't cause me embarrassment.  That I could let everyone around me know of the pain in my heart without feeling drowned in pity.  I wish that I could say it straight when the topic comes up, rather than inching around the truth to try and appear normal when I feel anything but.  I thank God for my loving, understanding husband, but how would my life be different if I could tell you this?

 
~*~

Want a turn to share?  Email me at ricracandpompoms @ gmail.com. 
Feel free to comment and encourage or just relate and assure.

what i wish. num 8.

Welcome to "What I wish I could tell you"...an anonymous platform for bloggers to share what they don't feel free to share on their own blogs.  If you have a story/thought/ache/hurt/feeling/secret/prayer request you want to get out, feel free to email me at ricracandpompoms @ gmail.com.  You will remain anonymous to all but me unless you choose otherwise. 
The author of this entry has chosen to stay anonymous.  Say hello to anon #8: 

~*~
I wish I could tell you...that everything is okay.  That I'm fine.  That I've never been better.  That my marriage is incredible and as strong as ever.  I wish I could say that our life is not what we expected but we love it anyway.  I wish I could tell the man I married that after you moved out, I didn't cry.  That I didn't go over the last few years of our life and wish I could change something...anything.   That even after 3 months, the pain still stings like the first time you said you didn't love me and it wasn't worth it.  I wish I could say that you tried these past few years to make our marriage stronger.  I wish I could say you were honest with me and yourself.  That you searched to make a better home life for our family and that our interest was the first on your list of priorities.  I wish I could tell everyone that my husband is kind, generous, thoughtful, strong in his relationship with God and is the most amazing father to 2 beautiful children.  But I can not.  I wish I could tell the man I married 7 years ago that he is making the biggest mistake of his life.  I wish I could tell him ,again, that marriage is never easy for anyone, not anyone...not even that adorable couple who sits a few pews in front of us at church week after week.  That no ones marriage is perfect and without trial.  That the commitment we made didn't just include times of sunshine and birds singing, but the dark and stormy times as well.  No matter how long those storms may last.  That if we stuck out the many storms of life together, we'd be made stronger.  I wish I could tell you that he is strong and courageous, that he is the same man I married on that beautiful day in June.  I wish I could tell him that if we stand strong for ourselves and for our children, that we will be made better...not only for ourselves, but for each other.   That our love for one another would be made stronger and indestructible.  I wish I could tell him that he is losing the most precious of all gifts for a sheer moment of gratification.  That he is missing out on time with our children, who are not promised to us in this life forever.  That each moment he is gone is another day lost.  Another smile unobserved, kiss good-night lost, bedtime story unfinished and many "firsts", unseen.  I wish I could tell him that our children will not be affected by his decision to leave.  That they won't harbor harsh feelings of resentment to his decision for personal fulfillment.  But I can not.  No one can.  

More than anything, I wish I could tell him...how much he is missed.  How much he is loved.  Even after the torment these last few months and years have been.  That love doesn't just leave.  That I gave my all and I would continue to give it...if he wanted it too.  But I will tell you all, that my life has meaning.  That I am strong.  That my Heavenly Father has sent me here with a purpose and that I want to continue to find it and live it.  That my children will be blessed because I will try to give them what they truly deserve.  I will continue to fight and find my way.  Make myself better not only for myself, but for my family.  That I will continue the fight forward.  That my life will go on and I will make the best of this terrible thing that has occurred.  I don't know how long I will grieve...I gave my life and heart to a man, not just for this life, but for eternity.  I committed not only in thought and in word...but in my heart too.  This makes for a difficult  recovery, but it can be done.  If I have faith in God and in His plan for me, he will mend my broken heart and see the intents of my heart.  He will make my family whole again. Somehow.  That once this horrible storm settles, there will be beautiful rainbow.  I pray I have the strength and courage to see it, to see my children and to see myself the way my Heavenly Father sees me. 
~*~

Want a turn to share?  Email me at ricracandpompoms @ gmail.com. 
Feel free to comment and encourage or just relate and assure.
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...
Blogging tips