what i wish. num 7.

Welcome to "What I wish I could tell you"...an anonymous platform for bloggers to share what they don't feel free to share on their own blogs.  If you have a story/thought/ache/hurt/feeling/secret/prayer request you want to get out, feel free to email me at ricracandpompoms @ gmail.com.  You will remain anonymous to all but me unless you choose otherwise. 
The author of this entry has chosen to stay anonymous.  Say hello to anon #7: 

~*~
I wish you all would stop telling me to be thankful.
I know I should be thankful……for a job, a house, my family.
And I am thankful.
But what none of you, my family, admit is that you pressured me into taking the job, into moving into the house.
And now, I hate the job and the house, but anytime I have anything negative to say about either you just say, “You should be thankful."
And, I repeat, I AM THANKFUL.
I am so thankful to have a Savior. A Savior who has promised to be my Rock….a Savior who has told me to rest in Him….a Savior who simply says “Cast all of your cares upon Me.”
I am thankful that He has provided for me this year with this job and in this house.
But every day I question what would have been different if I had chosen the other options….the options you all talked me out of.
What would life be like if I were in San Francisco in school? Would I have found a job I love? Would I have new friends? Maybe even a boyfriend? What would my new church family be like? Missions focused instead of programs focused?
What if I had taken the job to teach kindergarten in Egypt? Would I have loved living there again as much as I had in the past? Would I have gotten to reach out more to the community I lived in? Would I finally become more fluent in Arabic?
What if I had taken the job at the small, private school? Would I even like teaching in a regular 5th grade classroom? Would I still have the friends I left in that town?
But now, I am trying to quit asking the “what ifs” and focus on what I have.
A job: I may hate it, but the money I make easily meets my needs and allows me to help meet the needs of others
A house: Despite the constant water problems, both in the house & in the yard, that keep me from doing an actual full load of laundry, it is still a house to live in. It has heat to keep me warm & air for the hot days.
Friends: Although my friends live at least an hour and a half away & some half-way around the world, they are still there for me & technology has made it possible to talk to them almost every day.
Church: Even though I don’t always like the church I attend or always agree with some of the things they stand for, I am thankful that I can gather with other Christians without the fear of being severely persecuted for what I believe.
See, I am thankful.
“And we know that all things work together for good
for them that love God and are called according to His purpose”
Romans 8:28
~*~

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1 comment:

Tanna said...

This is going to sound harsh, I am sorry. You made the decision, you can't blame them for "talking you into it." Take steps to change what you want changed. Good luck to you.

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