what i wish. num 6.

Welcome to "What I wish I could tell you"...an anonymous platform for bloggers to share what they don't feel free to share on their own blogs.  If you have a story/thought/ache/hurt/feeling/secret/prayer request you want to get out, feel free to email me at ricracandpompoms @ gmail.com.  You will remain anonymous to all but me unless you choose otherwise. 
The author of this entry has chosen to stay anonymous.  Say hello to anon #6: 

~*~
I wish that I could tell you that I have the most amazing relationship with my in-laws and that they love me. I married my husband over 11 years ago and we have been together 17 years in all. These people have known me for years but, yet never gotten to know me. I will admit that I wasn't always the best "christian" person and I may still not be, but then I am not perfect and I am trying. But I do want the respect and love from them like they give my children. And I must say that they have gotten better towards me since I had our first child, but I still don't feel like I belong. and is it wrong of me to feel like they should be not so much kissing my feet but showering me in love since I have given them the only grandchildren they will ever have? My brother in-law is in his 40's and has never been married and more than likely never will. And if it wasn't for the man who married my husband and I we may not even be together because he didn't want children at the time too. I feel like my husband thinks that I am crazy sometimes for thinking like they don't like me, but then I think that he knows but is too afraid to say anything. And I know that he has issues with my side of the family too, but then I always stick up for him. Is it crazy that I just want to be accepted for who I am? I am a stay at home mother of two and now I can add college student to my resume as well. I wish that people would get to know the real me, the me that would bend over backwards to do anything for them, the me that cries when I haven't talked to you in years or cries because I haven't talked to you in years. I want people to know that I can put my foot in my mouth at times and sometimes it is only me trying to make things better for others even if it destroys my friendship with you ( which has happen a lot). I also want you to know that I am a crafty type person and that I do love to make things from quilts to purses and everything in between. But I think if I could tell you all something else it would be this.. I am an Unhappy person with my life the way it is and I am sorry but I am trying to work through it. It has nothing to do with the people around me or in my life it is just a feeling I have had for years. I hate the way I look from my weight to my hair color. I guess that in closing I just want to feel like I am loved and that I belong.
~*~

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8 comments:

Biz said...

I am so sorry that you are suffering like this. I can only imagine how difficult this is. It breaks my heart, please know I just said a prayer for you and for peace and healing in your life.
Biz
http://busybizblogs.blogspot.com/

Estee said...

There were times in my life that I felt the same way as you are now.
Your words broke my heart. Because I know, not just think, know! that it is only in your head and that you are an amazing person!

I was there, I hated myself, my body, everything about myself. I thought I was stupid. Untalanted.

It all changed. I changed it. I worked on myself hard and learned to love my body. I think I'm pretty :) I started doing craft, while before I thought I was not creative enough to do any of it. I started painting, started college.

Now, repeat after me. I'm beautiful, smart, talanted girl. I don't care what others think, I do things for myself.

You have it in you.
I know it.
It's in your hands.

Ky said...

What Estee said!!!

You can do it girl! Just ask Jesus to help you. He will.

kelleysbeads said...

I just want to hug this woman. How sad to not feel the love and acceptance that is craved. And deserved.

Anonymous said...

Being a Christian means you are in a very special close relationship with Jesus. He chose you. You are walking with the King and you are his very special princess and He is holding your hand tightly all the way. We are all made in His image and were knitted by his very hands when we were in our mothers womb. He knows all about you and loves you just as you are; He even knows the number of hairs on your head. Remember your happiness or unhappiness does not depend on how others see you or treat you. What matters is how you walk through the circumstances and issues that arise each day. You need to put others first, as God commands us to first love Him and then love others. Your attitude needs to be "How can I help (serve)you?" with your family, friends and neighbours (ie the people we come across in our daily living.)We are witnesses for Jesus when we serve others, whether they are lovely to us or unlovely. Remember that God loved us even when we were unlovely.You love others by seeing their need and then filling it. You will find when you start focusing each day on serving others your depression will leave you and you will start feeling happiness in your life again. I know because I've been there and it is what God tells us in His Word, the Bible, to do - what better place to go? He made us so He knows how best for us to live and His Bible is your lifes manual. My prayers are with you today. Luv from Sue (Brisbane, Australia)

Kathy said...

I'm sorry that you are hurting. family is so important and they don't always act the way they should:( I hear you feeling like you have done something to not deserve there time or love. I want you to know that it may not be all you:) My inlaws have NEVER treated me lke family and for no reason. We are overlooked. Consistently. Without reason. All you can do is build a heritage for your children and set the example of how we treat each other and we love unconditionally and show Grace.

IM GIRL said...

You are unique and you have a purpose.We don't always have to know what that is. Sometimes we are fulfilling our purpose without our even knowing it. Be true to yourself.Love who you are inside, the person you know. If you love yourself,others will come to love you too and if they don't, it is truly their loss. Sometimes people don't get close to you because of the way they feel inside and it is easy to think that the problem is with you. Take care of yourself, love yourself,and be happy for you and be kind to others, expect nothing in return and you won't be disappointed. You know you are an amazing person right???

Jill said...

I often feel the same way, that people don't like me, that I'm not worthy of their love, or not good enough. I say things daily to myself like, I can't believe I look like this. But, I realize this is self defeating, and now I'm working hard to change. The good thing is we can change all of this and be who we want to be, and if we just accept ourselves then others will also. Of course, not everyone will like for their own reasons, but as long as you like yourself I don't think it will bother you so much.

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