what i wish. num 14.

Welcome to "What I wish I could tell you"...an anonymous platform for bloggers to share what they don't feel free to share on their own blogs.  If you have a story/thought/ache/hurt/feeling/secret/prayer request you want to get out, feel free to email me at ricracandpompoms @ gmail.com.  You will remain anonymous to all but me unless you choose otherwise. 
The author of this entry has chosen to stay anonymous.  Say hello to anon #14: 

~*~
I wish I could tell you how miserable you make me feel when we're out and you can't take your eyes off of that beautiful woman. How it hurts me, and it never goes away. How each and every time you do it I crumble.

I wish I could tell you that email I found, that you wrote to that woman saying she was gorgeous, nearly killed me. And, every time you look longingly at another woman I think of that email. Yes, I said I forgave you for that, but it never goes away. I wish I could tell you how it makes me feel that you would tell another woman, which you have never met in person, that she is gorgeous, and you have never said anything remotely close to that to me. I wish I could tell you that every time you do that I wish I would have ended the relationship before we ever married and had kids.

I wish I could tell you that I hate so much that I feel this way. I don't want to feel like this. I wish it didn't bother me so much that you do this.

I wish I could tell you that I have never felt so inadequate, so stupid, and so ugly, until I married you. I wish that for just one day I could feel like I was as beautiful in your eyes as those other women you stare at. I wish that for just one day I could be half as intelligent as you are, and that you wouldn't argue with or tell me how wrong I am for each and everything I say. I wish I could tell you how worthless you make me feel.

But what I wish I could tell you most of all, is that I love you, and if it were not for these wonderful children we have together I would just leave and never look back. 
~*~

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4 comments:

Melissa said...

Oh my. This broke my heart! I'd like to throw my arms around the woman who wrote this...and all women who can relate.

All that comes to mind is Proverbs 31:30.
Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised.

Parrotts said...

This is concerning...I do feel so terrible for this woman who is trying to be a good mother to her children for staying...but...saying this HERE will not make it better THERE, in her marriage! Hopefully this is just practice for actually speaking to her husband. I hope she will consider a marriage counselor, or talking to her pastor, if talking with her husband hasn't helped.

April said...

So heart breaking. I wish I could hug her!

greenbuttonblog said...

I promise you:

There is someone out there that wants to tell you that you are gorgeous. There is someone out there who looks longingly at you and can't take their eyes off of you.

Don't ever, ever forget that.

The thoughts that you wrote about passed through my mind for five years. In the end he showed just how ignorant and ugly he really was.

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