(image available at drawpilrgim for free download)
My devotional this morning was about keeping a proper perspective in a situation...and really how it makes it easier to be thankful and more aware of the blessings that God has given you and take the focus off of what you are wanting or longing for.
This time of year is always hard for me to keep that perspective in line. My parents (and as a result my brother and sister and entire family) are not part of my life...or my boys lives. Every holiday season my heart just breaks for the family I don't have...for the warm and fuzzy holiday times...for getting together with family and having it be GOOD. I grieve for all the things you would expect a person who has been orphaned by her family would grieve for.
But I try to hard to focus on what I DO have.
I have Doug, a wonderful husband who is great to me...who is mentally, physically and spiritually healthy. I have two wonderul boys who are a joy and healthy and wonderful.
Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. And there will be no turkey at our house. No mashed potatoes or pumpkin pie or any of the other holiday goodness that normally surrounds the day. It will for all accounts be a normal day here. Doug will have to work until 10am that day and be back to work by 2 AM the the next morning. There is no reason really to have a big dinner that would just take away from the time we will have together. In reality the money we would have spent on that dinner is going to help other people this season who need it.
And honestly that is not the part that has me bummed out. It's the fact that this year that we will see NO family whatsoever. And the comfort of extended family is something we are all craving more of. It's been extra tough this year...
Part of the reason I think I am taking such a beating is the waiting we have been doing for an answer that we are waiting for. An answer that I have prayed for dozens of times a day since we found out that an answer could be near...so I guess I am saying that I am coming into a highly emotionally vulnerable season...already emotionally vulnerable.
So I am trying to change my perspective...
Instead of being sad about not having a Thanksgiving this year I am trying to be thankful that Doug has a great job...that allows him to take care of his family and allows me to stay home with our boys.
Instead of being sad about not getting to see family...I am trying to focus on being thankful that we do have family that wants to be part of our life year round and NOT just during the holidays.
Instead of being sad about not having an answer yet...I am trying to be thankful that my level of patience is growing. And that the "problem" we are facing is a first world problem.
Instead of being sad about the possibility that we may not get the answer that we want...I am trying to focus on the fact that I know God's plan is best. Even if I can't understand it. Even if I feel like I will be crushed if it doesn't work out the way we are hoping for.
It's a slow and grueling process for me...but every year is a little easier. If I know anything about myself, I know that slow change tends to be more permanent that quick one...so I least I feel that I can count on my growth to stick. :)
It's all about perspective.