i am not a baby person.

My name is Crystal and I don't like babies. 

OK, maybe that's a little too harsh.  I like babies but not enough to have another.  I have no plans to have another.  I don't want another.  I don't need another.  And I am OK with that.  

So why do I get a dirty look when I tell people this?  Like there is something wrong with me only having two little boys in my life.  They don't NEED a sister as some people claim.    
I don't need to have a Miriam to round out my mini-herd.  It doesn't help that more of my "two kids" friends than I can count have announced that they are pregnant with number three.

The basis for our decision to only have two?  We feel it.  If God wants us to have more He has not communicated this to us.  And you know what? We are completely happy and content with that.

Here are my completely selfish reasons for being thankful that I no longer have "babies" and why we only want two children.  

I like sleep.  Babies like to deprive you of this.
I like communication.  Babies are terrible at verbal communication. 
I like to travel with (relative) ease.  Babies are terrible travel companions.
I hate carrying a diaper bag.  And buying diapers.
We like not being out numbered.   And I don't want a bigger car.
We want to pay for college for each of the boys.  This gets harder with each child we add.

And the biggest reason?
The older my boys get the better of a mother I feel like I can be to them.  I love babies but I don't feel like I can give them my best work.  I don't do my best on four hours of sleep.  I like to be able to say "What's wrong?" and have real words come back to me. 

With every day that my kids get older I feel more and more competent in the mommy field. 
Don't get me wrong...I loved the baby stage...or at least most of it.  Tiny baby parts, quiet late night feedings...the smell of a baby...the sweet coos and squishy baby legs.  All great things.  We don't regret the late nights or the diaper changes or changes to our schedule to accommodate naps.  We loved and love our babies.  But it is OK for us to stop here. 

Two and we are through.
Please tell me that we are not the only ones?
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47 comments:

Amber said...

You are not the only ones!!!!!! I am totally on this train with you friend!

:)

undonegirl said...

We were done with two boys. We knew it. We felt strongly about it. We felt like the family was complete. We knew it as deeply as one can know anything. It was 3 years later that God called us to adopt....and not a baby, an older child. He was clear: get a child out of the foster care system, 4 years old. So our daughter came to us at 4 years old not because we were wrong when we said 'no more babies' but because we were right; God needed us in that place so we would do what He was calling us to.

(I must admit though, at 41 with children 10, 12 and 14 I'm a bit baby crazy; I don't want to have them, I just really love giving my girlfriends a break and watching theirs.)

Michelle Saunderson said...

I am right there with you too. I stopped at 2 and never contemplated going past that. If I want a baby fix, I know I could find a mother that would let me babysit for a while. Otherwise, I will gladly wait for grandchildren..lol.

A Little Of A Lot said...

I have said it so many times to friends, God just quietly gives you a special peace when you're family is complete and it's not always what you originally planned.
We have 3 kids, when we were first married I only wanted 2, then our first came along and it felt right, six years later after dealing with 4 1/2 years of secondary infertility #2 came along and it felt right for a while and then it became evident that someone was missing, I was shocked, we couldn't afford more fertility treatments, we left it in God's hands and I knew it would be just a matter of time, 5 years after #2 I became pregnant w/ our youngest and now our family is complete, the longing to be pregnant again is not there, my uterus no longer aches when I see a new baby, I'm happy to look after friends babies but am just as happy to go give them back. I'm where you're at, loving sleep, easy travel and children that can communicate, though with a son who has just turned 13 I sometimes wish he had a mute button that I could turn on when he has a little 'hormonal' surge ;)

Terri @ em-belle-ish.blogspot.com said...

We are 4 and no more too. We also have 2 boys who are now 7&8. At some point, we all get to the point of being "done". I think we all have our own way of processing that too. I think feeling fulfilled is a great way to process that change of seasons. Our "done" came before we were ready due to medical reasons. I envy people who have the situation where they can decide when their "quiver is full" (which is not a specific # in the Bible). If you feel like 2 is good for you, that's great. And this older phase is quite fun I agree.

Jacomijn said...

Dear Crystal, you are definitely not the only one. We have two children and that's enough for us. God has blessed us with one of each kind, so we know how it is with both boys and girls, but that doesn't make us want to have more kids.
And I know what you mean in the department of dirty looks. We also had our portion of that! (especially among church people)
You know, 2 or 5 kids, I think in the end all that counts is that our kids turn out to be blessed, happy, decent and kind people.
(I hope you understand what I'm trying to say, because sometimes it's a bit difficult for me to translate my Dutch thoughts)
Jacomijn

the thrifty ba said...

ialso have 2 boys and DONT want to give them a sister. i love sleep and not carrying a diaper bag. i love nothaving a crying baby.
i so understand

Melissa said...

It's funny, I'm in the other boat. I have one and we're trying to decide when to have another. We know we want more kids, at least one more for sure, but knowing when to start all over is hard. So many variables to think and pray about and who knows how long it take to actually get pregnant? Right now some friends who were pregnant when I was pregnant with my daughter are pregnant again and I am trying to determine if I just have a case of baby fever or if I am really ready. More prayer... ;)

You never know what God might be preparing you for and I believe He gives us the kids that are designed just for us! I admire your decision, how you speak of it and that you have peace about it. I pray that my husband and I arrive at the same peaceful point whenever that time comes.

Oh Mandie said...

As a fellow mother of 2 boys, I completely agree! Personally I think that young boys require a bit more work right now, and I'm happy that I'm freely able to give them 100% of me.

Kelly said...

I'm with you 100%! I'm not a big fan of the baby phase either! I thought I was done when we had 2 too. We were happy with our two boys. (Gosh how the suggestion that we need a girl drives me crazy!)We knew adoption or foster care would somehow play into our family eventually but it would be older kids for sure. I love what undonegirl said in her comment! Anyway, apparently the Lord knew we weren't done because we were surprised -totally completely caught off-guard - with baby boy #3 who just turned 3 this weekend. I cried when I found out...and not from joy. Does that sound horrible? Yep. Do I get dirty looks for that? Yep. I don't feel like that anymore of course. I love him to pieces! But it was hard to shift my mindset back to babies. Now I know we're done with babies. For sure. Anymore kids who join to our family will be through adoption or foster care. I would love to be able to give older kids who are about to age out of the system a place to call home. That's where my heart is now. And I don't think there's anything wrong with that at all! :)

Heather at Blessed Little Nest said...

you are not the only one!! i'm not sure why people feel the need to jump into a personal conversation over how many children another family should have. never understood that one, but it happens all the time.

before we were pregnant with piper people would ask me all the time if we were going to have another one, as though a new baby would fix our grief and replace samuel. man people are nuts! we chose to have another child because we knew God wanted us to have more children, not because of any other reason. we were parents waiting on a child, and now we're not. 2 babies on earth and one in heaven is what our family looks like and that is a-ok.

your fam is perfect exactly as you are!!!!

Zookeeper Jess said...

We had two kids 16 months apart and loved that age gap. We wanted to have a 3rd when my son was 2 but we tried for a year and it didn't happen. Then we got a phone call and BAM just like that we gained 2 extra kids. My nieces who were 2 months old and 18 months old. I now have four kids four and under. We signed custody papers on October 4th so it's the real deal and for life.

And it's CRAZY! But it's awesome. Big families are for me. And if little families are for you, then great! Well a family of four isn't exactly small, but compared to 6 it is.

Your boys are adorable. Love the picture too!

Sharry said...

I love your honesty! We have 4 children (now the youngest is 28 - the oldest 38) but I wanted 6. But children kept me busy because my husband was too busy for us with his job. And you are so right about those baby years - they are exhausting and just getting out of the house was such a pain. Now my daughter and her husband may just settle on the one they have. You know in your heart was is right especially if you are honest with yourself just like you are, Crystal!

Megan said...

I have an 8 year old boy who I cherish and am so happy that he can receive all of my attention and time. Family members and friends ask me constantly when I plan on making my child an older brother and are always shocked with my answer. However, seems that is how life goes...whenever you make a firm decision there are people close to you that want to explain how you're wrong :)

April@gingerbreadgirl said...

Oh my...I have 2 boys and at every holiday or get together my inlaws spend the entire time telling me how I should try for a girl..really?? I mean REALLY...I have aunts and relatives coming up to me and making little comments...Im happy where I am...and I feel you..babies are a lot of work...:)

Crazy Mom said...

I have 2 little kids, 1 girl and 1 boy. I don't want to have to divide myself between anymore. I love my kids and can't wait to see what the four of us can experience in life together. We don't need more to be complete either!

Laurie said...

Me too! Me too! We have two. I get asked all the time about having a third. We're just not feeling it either and I know God would let me know otherwise. My kids are around the same age as yours, 3 1/2 and 19 months. I'm loving their ages for all the same reasons you stated. God is good and he knows best!

I'm thrilled for my friends and family who are having more. I can get my baby fix with their kiddos and not be sleep deprived!

maribeth said...

i think that is just perfect! it is so awesome to know what you want, and even better what God wants for you. i have no idea why people feel it their right to contribute their unsolicited opinion in someone else's life. you don't have to have one of each. if you have one of each, it doesn't mean you have to be done. where do these ideas come from and why do people perpetuate them? i say own your decision because it is yours!

Anonymous said...

You are NOT alone. When people ask about another, we just reply "We are so happy with the one we have". Depending on how they read our response, they could infer that we are unable to have more or simply that we are grateful for our daughter and they should be happy for us. People are so quick to force their will on others. Roar!

lindsey said...

We always planned on having two children, and we did have two daughters. Then when the youngest was 18 months, it seemed as if someone were missing...our family didn't feel complete...both my husband and I felt it...and 9 months later, our son was born.

But I have to say what really bothers me is when people (esp. relatives) comment how we had to have a boy, as if we were disappointed with just our daughters...we got (get) a lot of "I bet your husband is so glad he finally got his son"...it bothers me because of course we couldn't control the gender of our child, and we weren't "trying" for a son...I wish people wouldn't feel the need to criticize or question others' choices when it comes to having children. What's good for one's family is their business :)

Chelsea Ling said...

I have a 2.5 yr old and a 3 month old and that's it for me. I would have loved a girl but that's not what I was given, soo.

Laura Zarrin said...

You're not the only one. We have 2 boys and it's perfect. More might mess up the wonderful family dynamic we have going. I used to want 3 or 4, but after the second came along I knew I couldn't handle more and still be able to give everyone what they need. We do want to pay for college and it's expensive!

sassypackrat said...

Yep I stopped with two. More than enough for me. I love babies but I love giving them back to their mother's more! ;0)

Amanda said...

For the longest time we thought we were perfectly content with just one child and that we would forever be a family of 3. Ohhh the comments! How ridiculous for someone else to impose there personal feelings on such a personal choice. Of course now after spending 4 glorious years with our daughter as an only child we have decided MAYBE we can do this one more time! lol

xo, Kate @keeping up w/the Moreland's said...

i agree!!! babies are not my thang!!! i love that my kids are older & we have the ease to come & go as we please.... feeling refreshed w/plenty of sleep!!

Shannon Strong said...

Awe, I just love love love your blog, and your perspective on things. I only have 1 boy, and we are too done. I get the same looks, and know completely what you feel. I LOVE babies, but not so much that I want to go through all of that stuff again! Brayden seems content and happy to have my undivided attention and seems to not need a sibling. We were more than blessed with him, and I am grateful for that. That doesnt mean I need another though ;-) Hugs to you and your beautiful family Crystal. <3

Amy Bell said...

i have to admit..due the CUTENESS of the johnsen boys...i was hoping to see an johnson girl...lol.

if you are to have more...God will change your heart. He will reveal His plan for you all...not to anyone else. child rearing/bearing is a decision between you and the Lord.

xoxo

gevayandmatt said...

I am with you. Two boys is enough for me. I feel the same way about the baby stage. No sleep=grouchy mama! We have to do what we feel in our spirit is right for us not what other people decide for themselves is right for us!

Jess said...

Yup, got two and we're done. (Unless God makes it VERY clear that we're not.)

Natali said...

I COMPLETELY understand. We only have one child, a son, who I love DEARLY and couldn't imagine living without, but I am NOT a baby person either. I and an extremely traumatic birth experience and a very rocky introduction to being a mom, as my son had reflux very badly and his entire day consisted of sleeping for 15 minutes, eating every two hours (nursing took 45 minutes) and screaming in between. He is a WONDERFUL and AMAZING three year old now and while I wouldn't trade him for the world- I just can't do it again. I LOVE our little family of three. And having just one child- man oh MAN every stranger you meet has an opinion about it being about time for us to have another. Sigh.

Kate said...

I completely understand feeling peace about your families size. I think thats a legitimate feeling that God gives to each couple. thats awesome, If you feel the peace that God has completed your family, rest in that and dont let the opinions of others make you defensive. When we receive God's peace, we dont need the opinions or others to justify that in our lives. I feel you are lacking a sensitivity on your blog. I know U probably dont care what I think and thats okay, u can delete my comment and ignore me, no big deal - but your sarcasm and wording could hurt others who may desperately long for a child, have lost a child, or struggling to understand God's plan regarding their family! If you are going to through God's name around all over your blog u might want your writing to reflect more of His love, sensitivity and compassion for others...not just yourself.

Ky said...

I'm hearing you loud and clear, Crystal! LOUD AND CLEAR!!!
I hated being pregnant...both times!
I loved and love each stage the kids go through, but once we are past it, I don't ever want to go back.
I love having a full night sleep. I love having conversations with my kids.
I have friends who have 3, 4 and 5 kids and I have absolutely no desire whatsoever to join them. The thought of having another one just makes me want to burst into tears.
I TOTALLY get where you are coming from and I find it quite offensive that people think they have the right to have an opinion on how many children a couple should have.

Love this post so very much! I really do love your honesty and they way you put it out there. xx

Shyla said...

I am right there with you. I have a boy and a girl so after my daughter was born people would ask me when about having another and I answered that one very quickly I can't had my tubes tied:) After they did the c-section I had them tied. I will say that after her first birthday I really wanted another but the price it would take to have another one weighed heavy on me. I cried alot then about it and wished that we would have waited to have my tubes tied but then I started thinking about if we had 3 that mean's 3 cars and 3 in college and so on. Besides I think my daughter would be a bad middle child she loves being the only girl in the whole family and would not like to share that. She is spoiled rotten! I don't think that you are wrong by stating your opinion and feelings on the subject and if they give you a dirty look you can just say that you shouldn't of asked if you didn't want the truth. Truth only hurts when it is suppose too.

happylittleprince said...

I can feel that you are in the same spot mentally as I was four years ago. I had two babies. We found out that i needed to have a hysterectomy eventually and needed to go ahead and have another baby or my surgery that would leave me unable to have more. We talked about it and listed ALL of our (same as yours) reasons! I feel like I can give my best to two. I know lots of friends who have 3 or even 4 and they are awesome at it!! BUT I do not feel this burden to have that many myself. God's plan was for me to have two because I could feel it....just as you said.
I felt bad about it for awhile....kind of like a quitter, I guess. I felt like women who had 3 or 4 seemed as though they were busier than me or more of a mother. I've since gotten over this and have realized that I made the decision to have two. I decided to do this for my family and my children. I could have easily popped out a couple more kiddos but it was not part of the plan for this family.
Once my surgery was over, I healed, and got over the guilt of being a "baby quitter" :-)....we planned a trip to Breckenridge, Colorado to snow ski. I went with my kids (no longer babies). Rode the ski lift to the top of the mountain, and skied down with my little ones. No diaper bag in site. Everyone potty trained. Just time to have fun with our family.

Texas Gal said...

One and we are through - -and you have NO IDEA how often people tell me, "Just wait!" Grrrrrr

We feel like you do -- God haas given us peace with our decision. I just wish so many people didn't feel the need to try to trump Him! :)

Ella's Mama said...

understand completly. We have 1 and that was all I could handle. My sister and her husband decided not to have any children. This is a decision that has to be made by each family. What works for one does not work for another. Noone should tell anyone how many children they should have.

Amanda said...

I understand the part of people saying "you need a girl!" I feel as though if God wants to give me a girl-great! If not-great! I LOVE being a boy mom! :) I also feel that God calls some to have more than 2 kids, and that is awesome. I would like to have a 3rd one day and that is MY desire. To each his (or her) own; as long as it lines up with God's plan for you. I know many ladies pregnant with 3rd, 4th, etc...and I'm so joyful for them. I LOVE the baby stage, and I'm so happy they get to experience that again! There's my 2 cents. :)

Hope you have a blessed week! :)

Anna Marie said...

It is funny to me how people can be so critical of a couple who says they are done at 2. But then a couple who decides to keep having children is criticized just as much if not more. You can never please everyone and you truly have to ask God and follow HIS will for your life and let all the "critic's" opinions go in one ear and out the other.

Ben and Taryn said...

I think it is definitely a decision made between you and God. I have three and my youngest is 4 but have had some really strong feelings that there is a 4th missing from our family. I think it is refreshing how honest you are about why you don't want to have anymore.

twolittletots said...

I can relate to you. I like babies...but not enough to start all over again. Age 3 is killing me right now and I am not sure if I could keep up with the twins and a newborn.

nikihas3 said...

You are not alone. I to was done after my second son. I was so done that I had my tubes tied.
I (apparently) was wrong. God wanted me to have one more. Our miracle daughter was born 9 1/2 months after our son. I love her and I cannot imagine life without her, but I like you was done.

Emma Kay said...

I'm not in the exact same boat as you, but I'm rowing in the same ocean. We have 3 boys, and are very grateful for each of them, but we don't feel "complete" yet. I'm really happy for you and Doug that you're there already, and I only hope that one day in the future our family will get our other child and feel complete too (medical issues may mean we won't, but we don't know for sure yet).

And no, I'm not a huge fan of the baby phase of my children's lives either. I'm glad that this time around (son #3 is only 2 weeks old) that I'm enjoying having a baby for the first time ever, but I much prefer when they're a bit older. I just see the pregnancy and baby phase as "one tough year to get through compared to my child's lifetime".

Wendy said...

Amen to your post!!! Truly, AMEN! We have two gorgeous, amazing little boys and we love them to bits. But I am so. over. babies!! Two boys works SO well. They're buddies and play together. We take one each by the hand to cross the road or dry up after the bath. There's room in our bed for all of us to play together each morning. Two is just right and we love it. You made the right decision!

sunshinesentiments said...

I have always wondered why people feel the need to comment on another person's choices about family. We went through a period of infertility before we had our first and it was like someone was ripping my heart out every time they needled us about why we didn't have children yet. I wanted so badly to say, "Well, something is wrong with one or both of us, and, although I would LOVE to have a baby right this second, I may be barren!" Sadly, I don't think even this comment would have shut them up. Now my husband and I have been blessed by 3 (2 boys and 1 girl) even though I swore I'd only have 2. But, God put it so strongly on my heart to have the third that I couldn't deny Him. However, I make it a point NEVER to comment on another person's choices concerning family. That is between them and God.

Gabriela said...

Not alone at all! We have two boys and no matter how many people insist that we have to have a third child (they would prefer a girl), we know beyond a shadow of a doubt that a third child will not work for us.

*CPA* Su said...

While I've never given birth - my husband has 2 kids from a previous marriage and I 100% consider them my kids. We have no plans of having more, since the 2 we have are 16 & 18. But people are all too quick to judge, mainly me, for our decision. But like you said, God would tell you if He wanted you to do something different. I am at peace with my decision, (and I know that peace comes from God) and it sounds like you are too. That's all that should matter! :)

Lisa said...

For those that have lost a child or are longing for a child your post sounds extremely insensitive. If you have a peace then maintain inside and do not worry what others say, think, or even feel. God has a perfect plan for each of us and it is in His time that His plan will be revealed...but in the meantime be sensitive to those around you who may not feel the same way you do.

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