what i wish. num 1.

Welcome to the first installment of "What I wish I could tell you"...an anonymous platform for bloggers to share what they don't feel free to share on their own blogs.  If you have a story/thought/ache/hurt/feeling/secret/prayer request you want to get out, feel free to email me at ricracandpompoms @ gmail.com.  You will remain anonymous to all but me unless you choose otherwise.

The author of this entry has chosen to stay anonymous.  Say hello to anon #1: 

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What I wish I could tell you...is that the biggest source of pain in my life is that my entire family has nothing to do with me and my children.  My biggest source of grief is when I hear about a friends mother coming to pick her children up for the weekend so that she and her husband can reconnect.  
I am SO jealous.  I never have help like that.

  The biggest ache in my heart is not having my family love my children like they should...people who want to help and be there...who would put themselves aside, if only for a visit.  My biggest hurt is missing what others have...a happy healthy family(outside of our own family unit)...help with childcare...having parents/grandparents/aunts/uncles/etc.  I can't talk about this openly on my own blog because I know they read...but not because they are interested in seeing how we are doing...nope, just to gather fuel for their fire of why they have nothing to do with us.  To justify their actions.  So I never mention them because there is nothing to mention.     

My kids have no idea who my parents are.  Anytime we come across a photo of them here or there no light bulb goes off in my kids minds about who they are.  None of my family has made any sort of effort to get to know my kids or be part of their life.  Most of them have never seen my kids in person. And they live right down the road.  The reason? Because it's not on their terms.  Because we have chosen to live a lifestyle that is free from (voluntary) drama and (voluntary) pain and (voluntary) strife.  Because we choose to not participate with their unhealthy choices.   

The only time they reach out to us is to hurt us with their actions.  
To try to drag us down and "get us".

And while it makes me weary at times...in the end I know it is best.   And really...day to day it doesn't bother me.  Because I am happier and healthier and closer to God than ever.  And I am praying for the Lord to get to them and have His way. 

The only time it really gets to me is when I want a break from my kids and wish I had family to call for help.  And even that I am praying for God to free me from.  To you that may sound cold...to me it's the Peace that passes all understanding when you have made the right decision.     

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Want a turn to share?  Email me at ricracandpompoms @ gmail.com. 
Feel free to comment and encourage or just relate and assure.
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