what i wish. num 1.

Welcome to the first installment of "What I wish I could tell you"...an anonymous platform for bloggers to share what they don't feel free to share on their own blogs.  If you have a story/thought/ache/hurt/feeling/secret/prayer request you want to get out, feel free to email me at ricracandpompoms @ gmail.com.  You will remain anonymous to all but me unless you choose otherwise.

The author of this entry has chosen to stay anonymous.  Say hello to anon #1: 

~*~

What I wish I could tell you...is that the biggest source of pain in my life is that my entire family has nothing to do with me and my children.  My biggest source of grief is when I hear about a friends mother coming to pick her children up for the weekend so that she and her husband can reconnect.  
I am SO jealous.  I never have help like that.

  The biggest ache in my heart is not having my family love my children like they should...people who want to help and be there...who would put themselves aside, if only for a visit.  My biggest hurt is missing what others have...a happy healthy family(outside of our own family unit)...help with childcare...having parents/grandparents/aunts/uncles/etc.  I can't talk about this openly on my own blog because I know they read...but not because they are interested in seeing how we are doing...nope, just to gather fuel for their fire of why they have nothing to do with us.  To justify their actions.  So I never mention them because there is nothing to mention.     

My kids have no idea who my parents are.  Anytime we come across a photo of them here or there no light bulb goes off in my kids minds about who they are.  None of my family has made any sort of effort to get to know my kids or be part of their life.  Most of them have never seen my kids in person. And they live right down the road.  The reason? Because it's not on their terms.  Because we have chosen to live a lifestyle that is free from (voluntary) drama and (voluntary) pain and (voluntary) strife.  Because we choose to not participate with their unhealthy choices.   

The only time they reach out to us is to hurt us with their actions.  
To try to drag us down and "get us".

And while it makes me weary at times...in the end I know it is best.   And really...day to day it doesn't bother me.  Because I am happier and healthier and closer to God than ever.  And I am praying for the Lord to get to them and have His way. 

The only time it really gets to me is when I want a break from my kids and wish I had family to call for help.  And even that I am praying for God to free me from.  To you that may sound cold...to me it's the Peace that passes all understanding when you have made the right decision.     

~*~

Want a turn to share?  Email me at ricracandpompoms @ gmail.com. 
Feel free to comment and encourage or just relate and assure.
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13 comments:

The Byron Family said...

I get you. I too have a hard time with my family and I am only close with my father. When I had my first, and only child...my heart ached that I did not have a mother to come help me and show me what a mother is supposed to do. At the same time, I see the pain she causes everyone around her and I am glad I am not a part of it. My life consists of my little family, and I love them more than life...if NOT having a family has taught me anything, its what I do not want my own family to be like. Break the cycle. Make you and your family happy.

Anonymous said...

I have a similar issue. My mother in law has hated me from day one. I was ok with how she treated me, but then I had kids. She treats my kids different than any other of the grandkids. She even plays favorites between my kids. She doesn't come to birthday parties or make any effort on her part, but expects us to do it all. To be honest...we have had a year without contact with her & it has been so pleasant. I struggle because my kids ask about her. They don't get who she really is. I am grateful for that & I will never speak ill of her. I have had a break from the drama & pain & I appreciate it. However, I am lucky enough to have an amazing family that helps us out. I can't imagine going through life without them. So, I am sorry that you don't have a break. But, is that really who you want watching your kids. It may be a blessing that they leave you alone.

angela said...

{Hug} It can really hurt when what you wish for your family is not reality. Especially when the hope for what you dream of seems near impossible.

carlisle clan conversation... said...

Praying for your heart Anon 1. Praying for the family you so earnestly want to be impacted by the truth of who Jesus truly is. Praying that healing comes from your choice to share...for you, for your family, and for anyone enduring this same pain!

The Readings of a Busy Mom said...

I so hear you sista...my family are htere but there not there. They support my other sisters, they pick up the phone for my other sisters but me never...m always making the effort for them but they never make it for me...It hurts as ike you say when we need them there never there expecially as now im pregnant and finding it hard with my daughters tantrums and my youngest daughter hitting the terrible 2's not once would they offer to helpout and if I ask they make excuses so I have learnt no to bother...Yo will be suprised how many rock your boaat

The Readings of a Busy Mom said...

I so hear you sista...my family are htere but there not there. They support my other sisters, they pick up the phone for my other sisters but me never...m always making the effort for them but they never make it for me...It hurts as ike you say when we need them there never there expecially as now im pregnant and finding it hard with my daughters tantrums and my youngest daughter hitting the terrible 2's not once would they offer to helpout and if I ask they make excuses so I have learnt no to bother...Yo will be suprised how many rock your boaat

Estee said...

I have friends who are in the same situation like you and I want to tell you that I think you have made the right decision.

If they make you miserable, then you are better off without them, even if they are family. What's important is you and your kids, you need to have a good family, everyone else can go to hell.

With love
Estee

Anonymous said...

Dear Anon,
I am praying that God will open the flood gates of new special friends, older and your age alike, who will fill this need (that every mother needs) of a nice break from the kids. A break where you know your children are being loved beyond measure. A break where you can breathe knowing the kids are getting what THEY need too so you don't have to feel guilty about wanting the break.
And for your "family" as well. Sounds like THEY need to be engulfed in the Father's love and forgiveness.

Anonymous said...

My mom lives five miles from us, but has only been to visit twice in the past two years. My dad lives maybe seven miles away and doesn't even know my kids' names. My mom spends her life wrapped up in herself, but wouldn't ever miss an opportunity to bad-mouth me to someone else.

On the other hand, my mother-in-law lives 80 miles away and tries to visit all too often. She really tries to take over quite a bit and tell us how things should be done.

My husband and I often joke about how it would be nice to have a mom in between both of ours.

Alissa said...

My heart hurts for you. I can't say that I've ever been there but I can imagine a little of what it might feel like. I will say prayers for you and for them. God can do amazing things. I hope they let him.

Tanna said...

Stay strong it sounds like you are making the best choice for you and your children/spouse. Sad that they need the drama to survive. I hope you can reach out to others in the community/church that can be surogate g-parents and aunts and uncles. We live with a small level of drama in our family and I hate it. At times I wish I could take the kids away to say "hey stop behaving that way", but I know it is not what God would have me do, so I don't. Best of luck to you and I hope you can reach out.

alyssa said...

wow! thank you for sharing that! i can totally relate to this! we have 3 children, both mine & my husband's families live within a mile or so from us....we NEVER see them! i just don't get it! I will never do that to my kiddos. Mommas need a break sometimes, guidance, and at the least a friend!

Anonymous said...

Oh this post is so me. I have a mother in law that has hated me from the beginning. My minister told me that even thou I love my future husband that his family is VERY difficult. Boy was he right. His sister is allways cutting us down for being succesful(sp). I have a husband who works super hard so I can stay home with our eight kids. We are down to seven now and our baby just started school and I am not going to work outside the home. I just get so tired of all the backstabbing that goes on and we finnally after 20 years moved away and let me tell you I feel bad but our life has been much better. My kids don't have a loving grandparents but they do have my mom. Life is way to short to allways have to hear negative things and listen to all the nastyness.Elma

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