be secure. period.

I mentioned before that I am reading Beth Moore's "So Long Insecurity".  
Unless you are part of the minority of women who have NO insecurity issues...then I highly suggest that you read say it has been phenomenal is an understatement.  So many of the points she makes and how she shares them have me screaming "YES!!!" in my head of course (I don't want anyone thinking I am crazy---hehehe)

There is SO much I want to share with you about this many thoughts are racing through my brain that I can hardly contain them but I thought that I would start with four points that she makes about the "quick" path to security.  So you don't have to wait until you get to this chapter of the book I thought I would share them...since I truly feel the same way and could have written them in much the same manner myself. 

The points are hers...the discussions are mine with her influence.
 Once again I realize that this may just be a journal post for me...and that is ok. 

Some ways to start on the path to being a SECURE woman draped in dignity. 

 1)Stop making comparisons. 
We are each made in the beauty of God's eye.  Each with our own set of plans, skills, abilities and everything.  Why why why do we as women feel such a need to size each other up?  Admit walk into a room full of women and mentally start to compare hair, clothes, weight, height, how their kids are dressed and behaving, etc.  WHY do we make our own brand of crazy like this?  You wouldn't go to the market and compare the price of apples to cucumbers and then go on to complain that one is red and one is green...that one is sweet and one is not.  Right?  And why? Because they are two totally different things...meant for two totally different purposes.  And it would be crazy to compare them like that.  What makes comparing ourselves to other women any less crazy?

Let's make a deal. I will working on it if you will.  I will walk into a room with my OWN skills and looks and abilities and be confident that God did not make a mistake with me.  We cannot be compared to another for there is no other like us.  

2) Start personalizing other women. 
I think it is SO easy to forget that we are all in this together.  That there is NOTHING that we can go through that someone has not already.  As moms and women we have all struggled with the same issues...though some to more of a degree than others in different areas.  Then why do we find it so easy to forget the details of being human in that we all have feelings, dreams, cares, loves, hates, joys and sorrows and struggles.  I think if we can project THOSE thoughts onto others we would be making a HUGE leap into cementing our own security.  As in...seeing another woman (person) and our first thought being something like "I wonder what they are dealing with today...what are they happy about...what is bringing them down". 

I choose to remember this by the following scripture:
The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful.
  1 Corinthians 10:13
And God's word does not lie to us.

3) Don't trip another woman's insecurity switch.
Oh my goodness...this one makes me crazy because it happens so much.  It KILLS me to see women doing this to each other.  And not only do women to it to other women...but truly our society does it to women (and men) all the time...via our culture.  Just think Victoria's Secret, or magazine ads or R rated movies.  There are things everywhere that are set and waiting to prick at our insecurities.  But society at large is one thing...woman to woman is another matter.     

 Not tripping another woman's insecurity switch includes shying away from things like...dressing provocatively(um always)...especially if you are going out with friends and their spouses...flaunting your wealth in front of friends you know are struggling...basically we as women(and humans) need to watch out for each other and avoid setting up a situation where we will make others feel out of sorts and insecure. 
Beth does point out, and I agree, that some people will feel insecure no matter the lengths you go to avoid it...and that is there battle to deal with.  
The bottom line has to be, in every situation, did we do everything we could to a healthy extent to for everyone to perform at their highest capacity? Did we act in love? We were looking our for others and not the cheap thrill of attention getting actions?    

AAAhhhh...I love it.

4)We must be examples of secure women.
This is a sort of "change starts with us" point.  If we want to influence a culture of confident, secure women...then it has to start with us.  The same as anything else...want some light? BE a light.
It's that simple.

And that my just a glimpse at the awesomeness that is this book...I am going to read it again and again I is that important.  I don't plan on losing another day believing lies that aren't Beth states:

"We are surrounded by a superficial world making deceptive claims".

I don't know if a truer statement could be said about our present day culture.  And I, for one, will not be buying into it any longer. 

As always...would love your feedback if you would like to share...if you act ugly will be ignored.  :) 



elise said...

ooooo, excited to get my hands on this one!!!
really really!

Amanda said...

Sounds like a good book :) Thanks for sharing about it!

the thrifty ba said...

im goona put this on hold at the library right NOW!

Nancy said...

Crystal, I think I am going to have to buy that book! Everything you said rings true for me and most of the women(and some men) I know. There are people I have envied, not personalizing them as you mentioned. Everyone deals with their own insecurities and problems. We should all try to live as individuals seeing the individual qualities in others. I also zoomed in on that "switch-tripping" scenario you mentioned. I have been on both ends of that! Great observations Crystal and definitely something to think about.

Amy said...

This book has been on my list for a while. Maybe I'll have to buy it today with the $25 Barnes and Noble gift card (among many others) I found while deep cleaning the apartment. Can't wait! :)

Laura said...

I'm excited about this, wrote it down, plan to find it for my e-reader tonight! I know so many friends I'll be sharing this with too.

Steph Wardle said...

words of wisdom! i wouldn't consider myself insecure BUT who can't benefit from the reminders you listed?! it's a great motivation to realize that we can always do more to become more. i don't like reading but i am going to have to make an exception. thanks for promoting quality. it's greatly appreciated.

Unknown said...

I love your blog for a lot of reasons and this just adds to my already long list. So, SO true. All of it!! And I am mentally nodding my head in agreement as well. We feel so bad about ourselves so immediately on getting together with other women we start taking mental notes of their flaws to make us feel better. I'm SO guilty of that one!!! Think I'm gonna try and get my hands on that book. Thanks for sharing. :)

patricia e said...

I haven't read this yet, but plan to! I've just got too many books on the go right now...But I've heard alot of good things about it. I love your first paragraph on Comparisons! Soooo true, why do we do this. We are unique with our own set of qualities.. We need to start peeling away the outer exterior and get to the heart of people...I'll comment more later. Don't want to take up too much room on here.. ps Love your occasionally journal writing..

Finding Joy said...

I got to hear Beth Moore's simulcast on this topic (along with like 200,000 other women!) back in was amazing. I love, love, love what she and you say about not tripping other women's insecurity switches. I mean, we have to help each other out here. But I think sometimes women just get that little nudge in without consciously realizing it...but that is part of it, we have to realize it. Thanks for your take on such a godly author's words! Love it!

Big Yellow Dog said...

Beautiful post!

Sara said...

I'm new to your site and certainly enjoyed this little post. Funny, I was on the phone this morning with my sister (whom I wish lived closer) and this was our biggest topic of discussion....we both struggle with different insecurities.
Though I'm not a reader (just didn't make it a priority for my "free time" as a mom) I know I would find this advice in the book I do try to make time for, my Bible....the ultimate authority on doing it right :)

Kelly said...

Thanks for sharing your thoughts here! Such good stuff!

Anonymous said...

I could not have heard this at a better time! Getting ready to go to my 20 year class reunion - divorced, single mom, unemployed. It will be a struggle to hold my head up high, but it will be a little easier THANKS to your post!!

Tasha said...

Wow. Loved this. I need to look this book up. Loved all these points and what you had to say. Thank you for sharing this.

Providence Handmade said...

Beth is the BEST!! I have this book on my bookshelf and you've prompted me to pick it up. And I'm not even sure of where you live, but can I come visit?! I think we'd get along splendidly! ;) Thanks for such a GREAT post.

Vanessa Washburn said...

There are so many seemingly perfect women and mothers at my church that I often envy. They seem so put together and seem to have their lives figured out.
Then I joined a small group with them. All of a sudden they became real people who struggle with things just like I do. It made it easier to be in community with them now that I don't feel I have this imaginary unattainable goal to reach in order to relate to or talk to them. It also makes me realize that it's ok to show others that you are broken and struggling sometimes. It may be just the thing they need to see from you in order to let go of their burdens.

Anonymous said...

I just started reading your blog and I just HAD to comment on this one. I read this book as well and it absolutely changed my life. I love the cucumber to apple comparison. Thanks for laying it out for us all in this post:)
Columbia, SC

Anonymous said...

Thank you for this. I want to read it , but until I do, I am thrilled that you will be sharing some about it. Great!!!

Liz Taylor said...

I will certainly be looking for this book. I wish women could just be friends and help each other out. I hate the clicks, even at church.

Anonymous said...

wow! i just discovered your awesome blog. this post & the fitting in post especially speak right to my heart. i thought i was so alone in those things. i love your style, the way you get your craft on, your encouragement, everything. "i wanna be like you-oo-oo" between your blog and whatever meg i will never need to buy a magazine again.

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