wow. or don't assume pt. 2.

forty plus comments?
I am speechless. If the comments that were received are an accurate representation of the folks who read this blog...then awesome! We have some like minded thinkers and though that is not a requirement to be a guest here...it is always nice to know that I am not alone.
Thanks for your support.
I had no idea that this post would receive so much attention...I was just kind of on a rant and I turned it post.

For the other 10% of you...I am a little baffled.
There was no ill intent in that post.
I said not a thing about whether my way of life was for everyone...only that it was right for me.
I wrote that list based on MY experience...I have heard all of those lines more than once and on a semi-regular basis...so YES there are people out there that think those things about stay at home moms. And while once upon a time I did take offense to the kind of comments that prompted the previous post in the first place...now I laugh them off knowing that those people don't have a clue.

And while it is my nature to be defensive...I know that in this case, I have nothing to be defensive about. I was not meaning to start a debate...only sharing the view from my side...which most of you got, related to and hopefully found a little comical...which was part of the point.

I am OK with comments that do not agree with me.

I am NOT OK with ugly anonymous comments.
If you can't sign your name on a hate filled comment, that you feel the need to leave, that has nothing to do with the post...then please keep it to yourself because I will no longer publish them.

I don't care what kind of mom you are...only that you are doing what is right and best for YOUR family. Whether that is working or staying at home, makes no difference to me...there was NO judgment in the previous post...maybe you misread some of my sarcasm...or are as defensive of your mothering choice as I am...I'm sorry if you thought that post was any sort of judgment call. I truly wish that all mothers could come together as a team instead of hen pecking each other. I am actually pretty amazed at women who can work outside the home AND take care of a home...talk about a full time job.

For those of you who were just plain ugly. Shame on you. Now you have bummed ME out.


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21 comments:

venus said...

I'm a SAHM as well and the choices/sacrifices we had to make to do it has been a struggle. NO DOUBT. And we're still struggling, but it is soooo worth it!

Good job, Crystal! Good job for just speaking how you feel. I know you're not trying to attack the other moms who have to work.

Keep your head up and keep doing what you're doing! You have lots of support!

Feather said...

in my opinion, those ugly comments that are left unanonymously, are from people that don't matter. if their words mattered, they would write them with enough thought that they would WANT to put their name to them. but they don't. let them go. they do nothing for you or your post. they just.don't.matter.
what matters is that you got...40! comments on that post?! your words affected us moms, in a fantastic way. keep it up!

Kristi said...

I just think that SOME working moms assume that us SAHM moms think we're better mothers because our kids aren't in daycare (or whatever!) and that WE assume they COULD stay at home and just don't. Well I KNOW some people HAVE to work. (and I also know they are GREAT mothers to their OWN kids but SAHM is how I feel I am a GREAT mother to MY kids.) But I also know that some people figure out a way to make it work and still others struggle in either decision.
I'm just really tired of people asking us for money because they think we have more of it because I stay at home. When in fact we pinch and save just like everyone else but we do it because I want to stay home & we're trying to live debt free so I can continue to stay home. It just gets me that people think we must have MORE money because we live on one income...I just can't wrap my brain around that lol!
I went to college for Business management and I use that degree every single day in running my household ;) I get what you were trying to say ("I'm frustrated hearing these things from certain PEOPLE not the entire POPULATION.") and just know that no matter WHAT decisions we make we will be judged. SAHM, WAHM, or working mom. Any way you slice it it's HARD with kids.

xoxo, Kate said...

i HATE annonymous comments!!! I think if people have something to say then say it proudly!!!! I never post annonymously ever!!! as to them seriously who cares! they are jealous that they can't stay home!!!!

Carrie said...

Right on! I used to be a working mom now SAHM and thos edays were soooo hard, there was never enough time in the day. I am so thankful to have this opportuinty to be home with my kids and make a home for my husband. Being a stay at home is not for everyone. Thats okay to but posting hurtful comments is really low. I really enjoyed your post about being a SAHM, we think alike :)

GinnyO said...

I didn't read any of the comments on that post, and I'm not going to. I just wanted to say that as a SAHM I admire families who make the commitment to do so. I know it's not for everyone, but I'm glad we make it work for us. You SHOULD be proud of what you do for your family.

I've seen many blogs recently state that ugly anon comments will be deleted. It must be an epidemic. I'm sorry that has to happen. When people visit other's blogs, they need to be respectful, just as they would if they were visiting that person's home. Thanks for letting us into your life through your blog.

Melanie said...

I was sitting in a hallway at BYU with my baby girl once, waiting for my husband's class to get out so we could go on a date, and a group of guys walked past. Before they were even 3 feet past me one turned to the rest and said, "This happens all the time around here. Girls just come here to get married and then they quit school to have babies."
I almost stood up and smacked the guy on the head because he was assuming a lot! I already had my degree (thank you very much!) and waited to have kids until after that fact (personal choice). I do plan on working some day, but today is not that day. I have other responsibilities first.
I was so upset and I cried while telling my husband about the whole ordeal. He just told me he was proud of me. Made me feel much better. I kinda hoped someday the guy would get married and have his wife experience the same comment. I'm sure he would feel differently then!
To the SAHM's, yay for us. To the working moms, yay for you.

Grace said...

You are already blessed for sharing how you felt. We all are in the same boat, don't feel too bad about those negative comments.. just remember this, and interestingly, I read this verse this morning. "love as brothers, be tenderhearted, be courteous; not returning evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary blessing, know that you were called to this, that you may inherit a blessing." 1peter 3:8,9
Keep your chin up, and keep up the good work!

Beth said...

it's amazing to me what changing you lifestyle can afford you. IF you want to stay-at-home, and your husband makes a modest income (even the low end of modest), you CAN do it with lifestyle changes. TRUST ME! bottom line...you do what you have to do to make your choice work for you if it's important enough. period.

i have friends who enjoy still working and being a mom, and that's fine. i have no problem with working mothers. my own mom worked.

it's the 'your so lucky' line that bothers me. there is no luck involved. we scaled down so much for me to be a SAHM. some of our friends are moving into huge homes, go on multiple vacations a year, have jcrew wardrobes, etc., and if they gave that up they could be 'lucky' too. to me, it's condescending.

do what's right for you and makes you the best mom you can be, and your children will reflect that.

Russ, Anna, Pepper and Vesper said...

Why people so mean sometimes???!!!! Sorry you had anonymous bull@#$% in your comments. Keep yo head up, you know you are the bigger person and there really wasn't any judgement in your previous post. People can be soooooo weird and strangely rude sometimes

Rachel Marcussen said...

Right on Crystal!

You were speaking about YOUR life and how you felt. And you weren't alienating others or being condescending. If they feel otherwise, they can post their own blogs with their own opinions.

I love how people tried to accuse you of "assuming" things about others. You clearly didn't make that post to bash women who choose to work outside the home or have any other lifestyle. Or to try and decide which life was better. You were simply telling about your experience.

You obviously struck a MAJOR chord with women/moms! You at least got a lot of people to take stock of what family means and whats important in life!

Keep on rockin!!!

Shelly said...

I'm so sorry that you got some cowardly anon. comments. As a good friend of mine who has a GIANT blog has told me, "you know you've hit the big time in blog land when you get haters"!! Not that that was what you were going for. It was a great post and good for you for going ahead and writing what you stand up for. Sometimes people just don't like to hear the truth, or they know it's the truth and feel guilty so they lash out. DON'T be bummed out, be happy that maybe you convicted someone to change their heart! :-) Now go look at your "artificial sunshine" and be happy! :-)

LibraryGirl62 said...

I did start to leave a comment yesterday, but then decided not to do that-I was feeling defensive too. I did get a very distinct hint of condemnation (intended or otherwise) from your post yesterday. This is what really hurt-"I feel as though I am fulfilling God's greatest purpose for a woman...being a mom and caring for my family." I too am fulfilling that purpose, just in a different way.

I know that the best situation is what is best for your family-but what is best for your family is not always possible-no matter how much you wanted it, wished for it or dreamed about it. I COULD NOT stay home-I am a single mom-left for a younger woman. I was able to be home for a few years while my family was intact, but then went right to working as many as 4 jobs to feed my kids. Now I am down to 2 jobs, the kids are SPECTACULAR teenagers and life is good-by and with God's Grace. We have a made a great life-even if it is not the life I wanted us to have.

I know your post was a "rant" and that is what venting is all about-tell it to your friends, feel better, move on. Ignore the haters. Friends can "agree to disagree" I love your blog, your love of God, family and faith, admire your many talents and I will continue to read and enjoy your work-and I will never disagree without signing my name.
<3
Marlene

Sara said...

So sorry you had some yucky comments. Know that you are loved. Keep your chin up!

Ben and Taryn said...

I have been a SAHM for almost 7 years now, and it has never been a walk in the park. Thanks for bringing the truth to light. I know you have your own belief and I think that it is great but I would encourage you to read "Family, the proclaimation" I'm sure if you google it you will be able to find it. I strongly believe everything it says. The Lord ordained women to be the caretakers and you are just doing your God-given job! Way to go!

ScottChrisCoriCassiCali said...

I missed the ugly comments on the post although I was checking in on them until rather late in the evening. (I felt it was a hot topic) I did read some who had a difference of opinions and some that obviously took it a bit personally, but as you said you are prone to be, they might just be being defensive.

I think a difference of opinions is healthy and keeps the world balanced.

It is after your blog and thereby you should post your opinions. I would guess you probably expected a difference of opinions and rightly so. Most of us post a few things for that very purpose and again, it's good for all of us to say, and hear.

My only encouragement is that no one can truly understand the infliction of a post or comment so we all need to just let people say what they feel and be wary of taking it personal. Unless there is foul language or name calling, it likely was a vent by the poster or commenter and should be considered as such.

Heather at All A Flutter said...

I just stopped by and read this post, so I had to read your last post, and I don't understand what could have been misconstrued? I feel the same way about the assumptions, especially about the sacrifices. We went down to one car when I started staying home full time and no one thought we could do it. Well...it's three and half years later and we couldn't be doing better (well maybe if we won the lottery or something, but you know what I mean)

Kat said...

It's interesting... there's nothing in that post that attacked or belittled working moms. If someone needs to anonymously defend themselves in an ugly way, seems to me that they don't feel very good about their own choices. It's all about which choice is right for you - and what is possible for each individual family.

wholarmor said...

I didn't see your other post before, so I went back to read it. I didn't see where you were putting down WOHMs, or saying that everyone thinks those things of SAHMs. Frankly, as a SAHM, I'm tired of the wars between the groups, but I guess they are inevitable. I was totally with you on your post.

And guess what? Some of us are even LUCKY enough to be able to stay at home with our kids- even if it means we live in a trailer home(don't laugh, it's paid for), and we probably won't be able to get a "stick house," but people assume that we are on welfare and that I should go back to work(where I still wouldn't make enough after childcare costs and everything else to make it worth the while.
Plus, I enjoy being with my kids and teaching them too much to be satisfied in the working world.

Love the pictures you have been posting, too!

jac said...

You tell 'm, girl !! ;)

Anonymous said...

You said in your last post you believe everyone could stay at home with their kids if they sacrificed enough. What about the single mothers? How can they stay at home without government assistance? I'm sure many of them would love to be at home if they could but simply cant. Single mothers love their kids and want whats best for them as the married ones. But the difference is there is no husband to support them. I understood what you were trying to say in your posts but I think some reading it may understandably feel a little sad. I realize that this comment may not sit well with you because it isnt praising you like you seem to crave. It also saddens me that you cant just let people have a difference of opinion without getting very upset and calling the comments ugly and hateful. If you love the Lord as you say you could accept these differences and not scold. I dont expect you to print this because, well, it isnt what you wanted to hear. That is fine since you are really the one who needed to read this anyway.
Tricia L.

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