An honest post...lacking fluff.



Before we get to the heart of things I should take the time to thank my sister in law for this great bunch of goodies that arrived unexpectedly and deliciously at my doorstep today...if lifted the clouds if only for a moment. :) Thanks friend!

And the winner of this weeks drawing is Kristi. :) I can't wait to see the goodies you make with this fun ideas and your amazing talent!

I've been avoiding the 'ol blog all day. Partly because the energy to get here and write anything legible seemed too daunting for most of the day and partly because even I am sick of me. And I have managed to convince myself that most in my life are probably sick of me too...in order of closeness...proximity and not necessarily relationship.

Then I decided that this is my blog and I would take the risk of finding one sympathetic ear who knows that I am not the "woe is me type" someone who remembers that I am a doer and a getter. I check things off my list, I do fun things with my toddler, I make my family healthy meals, I cuddle with my husband for TV time, I keep my house clean and my home organized and I run a successful (albeit small)business. I am patient(as I can be) and kind.

But not in this moment. Not now. Right now I am tired and lazy. Sick on top of sick(I got Moses' cold on top of my normal nausea). I celebrated today because Moses had veggies for two days in a row. I am forgetting to read my Bible in the morning. I am forgetting to read Moses his devotional. I have had a load of laundry in my dryer for three days now. I am cranky and no fun to be around. I am not long in patience. I am short in temper. I don't even know me right now. I have been terrible at keeping in touch with ALL of my friends...therefore isolating myself more. I take forever to respond to an email/convo/voicemail. I feel like I am stressing my husband out a little...or a lot. My house is a mess. You could write in the dust. How is that for a confessional?

Once again I share because maybe you are in this place too...or have been and need to know that it is normal. I do not doubt that God is good and I know that this won't last forever. That doesn't make it fun...it just makes me pray harder.
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15 comments:

Holly said...

I am so sorry you are where you are, sweet friend. Been there...about once a month, actually. Those darned hormones! I will pray for you, Crystal. May much joy and happiness wash over you soon. xoxoxooxxooxxo God is with you.

Jennifer said...

hi, i just wanted to say that i have really enjoyed reading your blog lately. i'm sorry you have been feeling so crumby. i totally understand. last summer i was pregnant with my second daughter, grace and i felt SO SICK. it was all i could do to get off the couch and take care of my daughter. we watch way too many of her movies and i would ask her to bring me books to read to her. anyway, the sickness finally lifted and we made it through. we both survived! :)

i pray that you and your family will have grace during this time. :)

God bless, jennifer

Marie said...

Hi there-
Praise God that He is the God of all comforts and we can lay our burdens at the foot of the cross and rest in Him. I've been where you are at too. More often than I like, but knowing that God is faithful and that only He can fill that void and emptiness I sometimes feel is so powerful and is THE best therapy there is. It is normal to feel the way that you do and sharing what you shared will encourage other moms that blogging is not always sharing the happy and fun times, but the hard ones too so that we can realize we're not the only ones. I know sometimes I feel as if I must be the only one, but it's comforting to know I'm not.

I'll be keeping you in my prayers-even as strangers, prayer is a powerful thing. Keep looking up to Him and not around and you will get through it! :)

Elise said...

So sorry to hear you are feeling this way. Its not fun, but I think you are normal. Read Psalms-David went thru as much or worse. I was just reading it last night. Love Psalms 13:5-6. Read the verses preceding those also. The first 2 verses of Psalms 18 are good too. I know I don't know you, but I hope this helps.
((Hugs))
Elise

Kristi said...

I have been thinking/worrying about you. I worry about a lot of friends who I know are going through tough times. It is ok that you are not yourself. I am often not myself even though I'm not pregnant. I've let things go because I've felt the need to escape and hide. When things get to be too much for me. At least you have a good reason! If I lived nearby I'd pop over and help out with cleaning, or cooking or take Moses to give you a break. I'm sure everyone understands and will love you nonetheless.

And did I REALLY win your drawing? Wow, that's fantastic! I just finished the pillow top you made for me minus the actual pillow form which I need to buy. Hope you like it. :-)

You can call me Lucky. said...

I hope you feel better soon and can enjoy your pregnancy!
:)

Lacey in the Sky said...

Just breathe ...

I'm stressed for you. You will get your old, healthy, happy self back before you know it! :)

leasletters said...

Crystal,

I want to thank you for such an honest post. I love your blog because you are honest. Life is not all rainbows and puppies. Life can be very hard sometimes and being honest about how you feel during those times takes courage.

I hope you feel better soon.

Hugs!

Heidi Zawisza said...

It's just a season, and like all seasons, it too will pass!! So cheer up bloggy friend! God is Good all the time.

~Mama Skates~ said...

here's (((hugs))) from a stranger that doesn't really know u - but loves ur blog & thinks u're an inspiration! and just cause u need them! :0)

sharon

meg duerksen said...

this is what i do when i am feeling this.
get out.
get out of the house.
alone or with a girlfriend...not your husband.
nothing wrong with husbands but he is sick of you remember? :)
go somewhere fun...craft store..or target?
go out to eat..and eat alot.
go to starbucks and get soemthing yummy.
sit at the bookstore till you are feeling ready to face the world.

isolation always happens (and never helps) when you feel down. the longer you go the more miserable you are going to be (to yourself and everyone)

so that's what i would do.
and believe me...i get like this ALL THE TIME.
and it sucks.
it's hormones...your levels change and your world gets rocked.

i will pray for you today.
call a friend.
or just go out alone. i love that time alone too.
the clouds will lift soon.

Naptime Crafts said...

Crystal,
Just know that I am where you are. My nausea (sp?) has subsided a bit, but it still knocks me out sometimes. Now for the sappy part and this is genuine! I look up to you in so many ways. Not because I perceive you as being perfect, because nobody is, but you seem to have it all together. I wish I was able to raise Colleen and have a successful business to help provide for my family. Our house still needs so many things (new paint, it's dusty almost constantly and the 3 cats don't help) and you have time to paint and do all the things that I wish we could do. I'm not writing this for any self-pity, because I love my life I just wanted to let you know that in the world of on-line only friends that there is at least one that really does know the flesh of Crystal that thinks you are an amazing person! Hopefully this will cheer your day some!

Kate said...

I know it's hard, but hag in there. SSon you'll be in you second trimestr & you'll have MORE energy than you know what to do with!! The second pregnancy is always harder, because you have a little one to take care & the third pregnncy is really challenging ( especially when your 2nd is only 8 mos old!!) so I totally know where you are coming frm:) I'll keep you in my prayers.

God Bless ((hugs))

Renee of Austin said...

Aren't blogs just the best therapy? Ok, maybe not "the best..." An almost sure fire remedy at my house is cookie dough. I bet Moses would love to help!

Eric and Michelle said...

Oh Crystal we all have our desert seasons. Hormones don't help either. I really enjoyed our talk the other day. I have also isolated myself and feel very similar. Lord Jesus please encourage my wonderful, beautiful, talented, super cool, amazing, and greatly missed friend.

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