The number system...

so in our family we use a number system (1-10)to rate where we are (as individuals) and how we are doing (as a couple)...a lot of nights Doug and I will ask each other what number we are and how to make that number go up. We will use this one day with Moses when he is old enough to understand the concept. Most days I can honestly say that I am an 8 or a 9. Today I am around a 5. First let me say that I have debated about sharing this but decided that 1) it sticks with my be real philosophy and 2) maybe you are in the same place and need to know that someone else feels this way too. So please do not read this a plea for pity...that is the farthest from what I want...So back to my 5...today is just one of those days that I feel like I am failing at more things that I am succeeding at. I can see the trail of things that has led me to this place...and here they are...see if you can stay with me...Etsy sales have been slow since February, I use Etsy bucks to contribute to our household income, less sales, less income, I feel like I am contributing less and spending too much, I feel like a burden as a stay at home mom because I am not contributing an income...repeat. Can any of you follow that? You would think that because I can lay it out like that, that it would be easy to fix it right? Not so much...I have kind of learned to ride the wave until it passes, eat some chocolate, be encouraged by my husband and move on...and wait for it to return...because it always does. I should also say that I have the best husband a stay at home mom can ask for...supportive and wonderful and would not want me anywhere else...so that is the story of my 5. What number are you today?
So this post isn't completely depressing... take a look at this egg...I took it out of the package the other day and sat it on the counter and this is how it stayed...I didn't try to stand it like this...it just did...I tried it with other eggs in the carton and none of them would stand like this...and when I tried to re-stand this one it wouldn't...weird. I also attacked some cards with my sewing machine...I love how they came out...here is a sneak preview...look for them in the shop tomorrow. And here is my very first kitty, Petal. She is in the shop now if you really, really want her. :)

Come back tomorrow for a brand new giveaway...I'm off to work on my numbers!! :)
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11 comments:

Smith Family Blog said...

This probably won't make you feel any better, but if you were out working, you would still feel that you weren't contributing. You'd feel like you weren't contributing enough to Moses!

You contribute more than you will ever know by being at home with him!

Anonymous said...

anonymous SIL post..
i'm at a 5 too...for opposite reasons, i am the breadwinner and i'd like to curl up under a rock and eat cheezits rather than go to a j-o-b and work for a place that i don't believe in...my hubby rocks but i feel pressure to stay in this j-o-b or get a better one rather than just bail.
i feel far away from everyone i love and i constantly ask what i was put on the planet to do.
that and i feel frumpy.
i need to stop wearing black and start mixing some colors in..

hugs, the sil

Zaya said...

Not sure if this will help but I love your shop and favorited it a bit ago to keep in mind for my nieces birthday in October. My nephew is too little for all the buttons otherwise I'd have gotten him Meese for his birthday this weekend.

Kristi said...

I can really relate to you. I was a career woman for 10 years before my first was born. Though I feel it extremely important for me to be home with the children, I do feel I am not contributing enough to the income. I teach a one hour class each week, so I do add a tiny bit, but my store has never done that well and I haven't found the secret. I am at the point that I have to try to make things with what I have in my stash.

I am really shocked your sales have been down. Really. Your store has become so much more fun and diverse, it is like your creativity is exploding all over the place.

I would buy your stuff myself except that we've been trying to balance the budget and we can't. We are trying to tithe and can't seem to because our other expenses are too high. I'm am trying my darnedest to cut way way back on my shopping and spending. No more fun purchases and getting the kids clothes at a used clothing store. And me, well I have enough to get by as long as I don't gain weight.

So you see, I feel so helpless, not being able to help with the income. I feel like I may be forced to work, which will make me very sad for the kids (and me who will miss so much). I am even thinking we should sell the house and rent or skip our vacation this year.

Times are tough. My hubby has a really good paying job, we have over half of our house paid for and still... It is so hard to maintain a 4 person family on one very good income. If I could just make some $$ on Etsy, it would really help.

amybell said...

Well, as I was plucking a grey hair (right after I got my highlights in-wondering if this is happening at 32 I may NOT have hair at 35) and looking at my tooth that was slightly chipped today, I thought..Hmm...This seems like the end to an interesting day. I felt like that today when I bought some supplies this morning. That $20 I spent feel like 1,000 and I didn't feel like I was contributing a whole lot to our budget as well. As Z was running through the store grabbing things off the shelves and spilling them, I really wondered if everyone in that store thought I should learn how to parent. Yeah, I have totally felt similar feelings...Tonight I am having my 2nd cup of java and trying to rest in knowing Whose I am. And, He sees me for who I am and He sees value when I don't.
Ok, so I know this is the comment section and it just became a post. Sorry about that.
Much love from IN,
Amy

Eric and Michelle said...

Crystal,

Thanks for being real. I must admit I really haven't been with you lately. Forgive me. I am basically in a full blown mental panic. I have absolutely no idea how we are going to pay for our adoption. I think about selling the house all the time. Then I think what house could we get for less that will house the 7 of us once Mercy gets here. SOC has been a trickle of an income and I feel like once again I have failed at something else. I have been reading "Cure For The Common Life" by Max Lucado of coarse and sometimes it is so encouraging because it helps you discover how to do the Most what you do best and Glorify God with it all. The sad reality is there is nothing I do that will help us financially and everything I have tried has only brought debt. Talk about Failure with a capital F. I feel desperate and alone and insignifigant. All my emotions are affecting the things I am really good at like being a wife and Mom. So then I feel like the ultimate failure. I have been envious of others who have skill and talent and ability. One of the word pictures Max talks about is this in a nutshell. You are a frog and everyone you admire is a bird. No matter how hard you flap your legs you will never fly. But it is OK to be a frog so jump. So I am like OK I am a frog I have flapped to long, but jumping isn't going to help my family. So what do I do? I miss feeling God's pleasure...

Eric and Michelle said...

By the way what is up with the food you buy? Siamese twin bananas and standing eggs...come on what do you have circus food?

April said...

OH my gosh everyone wrote so much...I am way to busy tonight to go on and on....chin up my friend....we all feel less than contributory now and then...you are doing something you love..enjoy it...enjoy Moses..cherish that you have a husband who supports you even when sales are down..and trust me you are not the only one whose sales are down...come on over to JaneSays everyone...come on. oh yea and go by Little Bit Funky too...there that will help fo sho'

Now once again chin up you talented weiner you !!!!

Anonymous said...

You are very blessed to be an 8 or 9 most of the time, and the fact that you are a 5 now is completely normal. I would like to say, as a working mom, age 47, that you should not feel guilty for being a stay at home mom who contributes much less economically. If this is what you want to do, you are contributing to your own and husband and son's quality of life in non-monetary way, and money isn't important anyway. I have taught in the public school system for over 23 years, and I am looking forward to retirement in less than 5 years so I can be a stay at home mom( even though at that time, I won't have a child at home full time) I want to be able to piddle in my yard and in my home, use my time my way, cook, shop,volunteer at church more, and so on (the list is endless). Believe me, when you evaluate the situation years from now, you will be glad for the time you have to be home.

megduerksen.typepad.com said...

all these feelings are normal.
but you probably know that already.
some times we spend too much - that's life.
you won't do that next time. it's a chance to do better.
moses is so blessed to have his mommy all day.
that IS your contribution. you may not be bringing in money but you are covering him in a love that makes him feel safe, secure, confident, protected and special. you are investing in him.
your etsy stuff is adorable. don't doubt that at all.
i am sure that since most days you are an 8 or 9 that this 5 day will quickly pass.
spend some extra time with God...that always changes my number. :)
have a good day today.
-meg

Barbara said...

Two weeks later, I finally bought Meese... :) Couldn't resist any longer.

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